I just found out I had BPD, what do I need to know?

I'm reading as much as I can, and am seeing a professional. From my understanding, it stems from not loving myself enough, needing external validation constantly, and not being able to accurately judge my emotions and relationships.

I just exited a relationship, where I unknowingly hurt the person I loved through my disorder. I knew the yelling was wrong, but I thought it came from a place of "valid" wrong doings.

There is no justification to treat someone you love that way, and it is f-ing scary.

I mostly understand where my disorder stems from, and what steps I need to take for myself to live with it. The drugs and alcohol fuel my disorder, and my disorder leads me to drugs and alcohol due to feelings of abandonment and being unloved\loving myself. I'm no longer drinking or drugging, but now I know there's this part of me that can hurt people without even knowing I am.

I CONSTANTLY seek pitty. CONSTANTLY. My exgf\love of my life broke up with me, crying infront of my eyes, and I couldn't stop repeating "Im sorry" then talk about my pain. I am out of control. I attribute it to additional stressors in my life, hormonal imbalances, family issues, financial issues, and more.

I constantly split. You're with me or not. There's no in between.

I want to be able to have a healthy happy life. I'm working towards it. Independence.

I accept my disorder. I never knew what was wrong with me.

What other additional resources are out there?

Edit: title says had, because I realize this disorder has wreaked havoc on every single relationship in my life. Family. Friends. Lovers. I love people then abuse them without any sense of understanding.

Edit:

I'm reading as much as I can, and am seeing a professional. From my understanding, it stems from not loving myself enough, needing external validation constantly, and not being able to accurately judge my emotions and relationships.I just exited a relationship, where I unknowingly hurt the person I loved through my disorder. I knew the yelling was wrong, but I thought it came from a place of "valid" wrong doings.There is no justification to treat someone you love that way, and it is f-ing scary.I mostly understand where my disorder stems from, and what steps I need to take for myself to live with it. The drugs and alcohol fuel my disorder, and my disorder leads me to drugs and alcohol due to feelings of abandonment and being unloved\loving myself. I'm no longer drinking or drugging, but now I know there's this part of me that can hurt people without even knowing I am.I CONSTANTLY seek pitty. CONSTANTLY. My exgf\love of my life broke up with me, crying infront of my eyes, and I couldn't stop repeating "Im sorry" then talk about my pain. I am out of control. I attribute it to additional stressors in my life, hormonal imbalances, family issues, financial issues, and more.I constantly split. You're with me or not. There's no in between.I want to be able to have a healthy happy life. I'm working towards it. Independence.I accept my disorder. I never knew what was wrong with me.What other additional resources are out there?Edit: title says had, because I realize this disorder has wreaked havoc on every single relationship in my life. Family. Friends. Lovers. I love people then abuse them without any sense of understanding.Edit: http://ift.tt/eA8V8J http://ift.tt/2EGxMa6