Hey everyone,
I know this is a common post, and mine is hella long, (sorry in advance) but I need to vent for a minute and feel heard, and it’s not something I feel I can do IRL.
I’m pretty sure I’m probably asexual. I’ve never really felt attracted to anyone in that way, I find the idea of any kind of sexual activity to be disgusting and weird, and although I desire the feeling of orgasm on occasion, I can fulfill that desire myself and don’t need help from others.
That being said, I really want to be loved. I’ve had some shitty things happen in the past, have a lot of trust and abandonment issues, and want someone in my life who truly cares about me.
I know this mostly stems from me being still in denial/afraid, but I feel like some of these issues and the possibility of a hormonal imbalance, (PCOS runs in my family and I’m pretty sure I have that) may be partially to blame for my lack of sexual attraction.
I’ve never been in a relationship. The closest I have ever come to feeling attracted to someone was when I started becoming good friends with a person in a club I was in. I thought he was interested in me, so I convinced myself that I was interested in him and that I wanted him to make love to me if it meant he would love me.
I’ve always been the odd one out, especially when it came to noticing “hot” guys or talking about relationships and what you wanted from one. I feel like if I come out as asexual, no one will understand. I feel like they will think I’m crazy, and that something is wrong with me (which I know that there isn’t but I still slightly feel myself) and it will only drive the people I have in my life away.
I come from a very conservative family, and am asked often when I am going to bring someone home, or when I will get a boyfriend. Although I want someone to love me for who I am, to understand all the dark parts of me and to hold me when I’m stuck in them (M or F doesn’t matter, but F would not go well with family either) I am not otherwise interested in finding someone to get married or spend my life with.
I also REALLY want Kids. But I’m afraid that is not possible with the way that I feel and that if I tell people, I will end up alone forever because that is what people think that I want.
I know that these things shouldn’t matter. I know that I will survive life either way and that it will go on. I know that I shouldn’t be worried about something this trivial. I know that it’s okay to be different and that I definitely should not feel ashamed of my feelings. But I do. I don’t want to be alone, unloved, and unliked. I grew up in a family where you didn’t talk about your problems, you dealt with them on your own, and lived life like everything was fine. I have a lot of anxiety because of this, and I feel so much pressure to be ‘normal’ for once and be who my family wants/expects me to be.
I feel like I need to stop there, because this is already so long, but does anyone have any advice/support they can offer?
Hey everyone,I know this is a common post, and mine is hella long, (sorry in advance) but I need to vent for a minute and feel heard, and it’s not something I feel I can do IRL.I’m pretty sure I’m probably asexual. I’ve never really felt attracted to anyone in that way, I find the idea of any kind of sexual activity to be disgusting and weird, and although I desire the feeling of orgasm on occasion, I can fulfill that desire myself and don’t need help from others.That being said, I really want to be loved. I’ve had some shitty things happen in the past, have a lot of trust and abandonment issues, and want someone in my life who truly cares about me.I know this mostly stems from me being still in denial/afraid, but I feel like some of these issues and the possibility of a hormonal imbalance, (PCOS runs in my family and I’m pretty sure I have that) may be partially to blame for my lack of sexual attraction.I’ve never been in a relationship. The closest I have ever come to feeling attracted to someone was when I started becoming good friends with a person in a club I was in. I thought he was interested in me, so I convinced myself that I was interested in him and that I wanted him to make love to me if it meant he would love me.I’ve always been the odd one out, especially when it came to noticing “hot” guys or talking about relationships and what you wanted from one. I feel like if I come out as asexual, no one will understand. I feel like they will think I’m crazy, and that something is wrong with me (which I know that there isn’t but I still slightly feel myself) and it will only drive the people I have in my life away.I come from a very conservative family, and am asked often when I am going to bring someone home, or when I will get a boyfriend. Although I want someone to love me for who I am, to understand all the dark parts of me and to hold me when I’m stuck in them (M or F doesn’t matter, but F would not go well with family either) I am not otherwise interested in finding someone to get married or spend my life with.I also REALLY want Kids. But I’m afraid that is not possible with the way that I feel and that if I tell people, I will end up alone forever because that is what people think that I want.I know that these things shouldn’t matter. I know that I will survive life either way and that it will go on. I know that I shouldn’t be worried about something this trivial. I know that it’s okay to be different and that I definitely should not feel ashamed of my feelings. But I do. I don’t want to be alone, unloved, and unliked. I grew up in a family where you didn’t talk about your problems, you dealt with them on your own, and lived life like everything was fine. I have a lot of anxiety because of this, and I feel so much pressure to be ‘normal’ for once and be who my family wants/expects me to be.I feel like I need to stop there, because this is already so long, but does anyone have any advice/support they can offer? https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/2Gp3AxC
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