Sure, I've made a lot of progress in regards to minimizing the amount of disordered stuff I do (I no longer count calories or weigh myself daily, purging has gone from daily to about once a month), but I don't see any possibility that I could just start eating whatever I wanted and truly recover/weight restore. I personally have a pretty unique reason as to why that is: gynecomastia, A.K.A manboobs.
I'm a CIS guy (not trans), but have inherited abnormally chest-heavy body fat distribution from my mom's side of family. I do have a tiny bit of actual breast tissue development that is impossible to get rid of with weight loss (actual gynecomastia caused by a mild hormonal imbalance), but like 90% of the boobs I used to have luckily turned out to be just excess body fat, and have shrunk so much with weight loss that I'm basically flat-chested now. At my current underweight BMI I can even wear slim-fitting size XS T-shirts without anything poking out or looking off.
Even back when I was obese and didn't have a "diet mentality" or care about body image at all, I REALLY didn't like the fact that my tits were visibly poking through my shirt no matter what I wore. It made me have extremely poor posture in effort to make them look less noticeable, which probably just made me look worse than if I would have just stood straight and let them poke out full force. My manboobs were actually the main thing that drove me to start losing weight in the first place, I really grew an intense hatred towards them, because I felt that they just weren't a part of who I am as a person. I guess it was a bit like the dysphoria that FTM trans guys feel towards their chest?
If I start weight restoring and without any restrictions naturally maintain a BMI of let's say 23 (that's highly highly optimistic), the boobs are gonna come back to haunt every single moment of my life once again. I even had them so bad at a BMI of 21, that I couldn't feel comfortable standing with proper posture if I was wearing anything remotely slim-fitting.
What's the point of truly recovering and letting go of diet mentality, if I can just continue living with a flat chest at the weight I'm at now? How can it be worth it? My ED is very under control and doesn't cause me daily torment like it used to, but I simply can't see myself ever accepting any weight gain that would make them visible again. I don't even want to lose more weight, the problem is just that even purposefully maintaining my current weight is officially considered as anorexia. What do you all think, do you also have an area that you couldn't bear to see change with weight restoration?
Sure, I've made a lot of progress in regards to minimizing the amount of disordered stuff I do (I no longer count calories or weigh myself daily, purging has gone from daily to about once a month), but I don't see any possibility that I could just start eating whatever I wanted and truly recover/weight restore. I personally have a pretty unique reason as to why that is: gynecomastia, A.K.A manboobs.I'm a CIS guy (not trans), but have inherited abnormally chest-heavy body fat distribution from my mom's side of family. I do have a tiny bit of actual breast tissue development that is impossible to get rid of with weight loss (actual gynecomastia caused by a mild hormonal imbalance), but like 90% of the boobs I used to have luckily turned out to be just excess body fat, and have shrunk so much with weight loss that I'm basically flat-chested now. At my current underweight BMI I can even wear slim-fitting size XS T-shirts without anything poking out or looking off.Even back when I was obese and didn't have a "diet mentality" or care about body image at all, I REALLY didn't like the fact that my tits were visibly poking through my shirt no matter what I wore. It made me have extremely poor posture in effort to make them look less noticeable, which probably just made me look worse than if I would have just stood straight and let them poke out full force. My manboobs were actually the main thing that drove me to start losing weight in the first place, I really grew an intense hatred towards them, because I felt that they just weren't a part of who I am as a person. I guess it was a bit like the dysphoria that FTM trans guys feel towards their chest?If I start weight restoring and without any restrictions naturally maintain a BMI of let's say 23 (that's highly highly optimistic), the boobs are gonna come back to haunt every single moment of my life once again. I even had them so bad at a BMI of 21, that I couldn't feel comfortable standing with proper posture if I was wearing anything remotely slim-fitting.What's the point of truly recovering and letting go of diet mentality, if I can just continue living with a flat chest at the weight I'm at now? How can it be worth it? My ED is very under control and doesn't cause me daily torment like it used to, but I simply can't see myself ever accepting any weight gain that would make them visible again. I don't even want to lose more weight, the problem is just that even purposefully maintaining my current weight is officially considered as anorexia. What do you all think, do you also have an area that you couldn't bear to see change with weight restoration? https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/2QWiMbf
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