As an intro to me, hi! I'm Catholic, a senior in highschool, turning 18 this December. I'm a poet & an artist, a lover of dragons & pixie cuts, an older sister of 2 beautiful girls (6 year old & 1 month old). I am struggling through PTSD & POCD, and I have a small story to share.
Yesterday, after battling intrusive thoughts & obsessions exceptionally hard for two weeks due to hormonal imbalance, facing multiple almost-breakdowns throughout the days, and a panic attack while driving the night prior, I stayed in bed for hours, cried everything out, let my mind careen as it wished.
My spirit was aching, and I was close to despair. I held on to what I could, though, barely.
I was completely honest with my boyfriend on how I felt. He's the person I trust the most, my best friend, but I still hold back what's actually going through my head because I don't want to scare him, even after being friends for 4 years, together for 2. I let myself shatter completely and threw all of my fears of abandonment to the wind.
Finally, after being in mental anguish for hours, I gave up. I was exhausted, body and mind, from crying for so long. I gave up on fighting myself and let my mind go.
And then, as I laid there, I slowly calmed down. My mind stopped racing. After a while, my boyfriend pulled up outside after work, and I was able to get up for the first time in a while, and meet him in the driveway. I finally caught my breath. We sat on the back of his car, and he held me as I went mostly limp. And we talked, confirming again that we're in this for the long haul, "come what may," as we say.
I took a day off today from school today, just to recharge. I'm feeling the most stable, if not the most energetic, I've had in a while. I'm going to try therapy again, and try to make a gameplan on how I can better take care of myself. First step : rest & regroup.
I have hope.
We can do this, y'all. Just hold on.
Thanks for reading <3
As an intro to me, hi! I'm Catholic, a senior in highschool, turning 18 this December. I'm a poet & an artist, a lover of dragons & pixie cuts, an older sister of 2 beautiful girls (6 year old & 1 month old). I am struggling through PTSD & POCD, and I have a small story to share.Yesterday, after battling intrusive thoughts & obsessions exceptionally hard for two weeks due to hormonal imbalance, facing multiple almost-breakdowns throughout the days, and a panic attack while driving the night prior, I stayed in bed for hours, cried everything out, let my mind careen as it wished.My spirit was aching, and I was close to despair. I held on to what I could, though, barely.I was completely honest with my boyfriend on how I felt. He's the person I trust the most, my best friend, but I still hold back what's actually going through my head because I don't want to scare him, even after being friends for 4 years, together for 2. I let myself shatter completely and threw all of my fears of abandonment to the wind.Finally, after being in mental anguish for hours, I gave up. I was exhausted, body and mind, from crying for so long. I gave up on fighting myself and let my mind go.And then, as I laid there, I slowly calmed down. My mind stopped racing. After a while, my boyfriend pulled up outside after work, and I was able to get up for the first time in a while, and meet him in the driveway. I finally caught my breath. We sat on the back of his car, and he held me as I went mostly limp. And we talked, confirming again that we're in this for the long haul, "come what may," as we say.I took a day off today from school today, just to recharge. I'm feeling the most stable, if not the most energetic, I've had in a while. I'm going to try therapy again, and try to make a gameplan on how I can better take care of myself. First step : rest & regroup.I have hope.We can do this, y'all. Just hold on.Thanks for reading <3 http://ifttt.com/images/no_image_card.png https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/9sg3pz/i_let_go/?utm_source=ifttt
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