Previously posted on /relationship_advice but thought it would be more fitting here
The title pretty much sums it up, we have been together for little over 4 years and see each other/stay over at each others' place around 4 days out of the week. When we first started dating, of course the sex was great and we were having it all the time, and I was initiating it. However, about a year into our relationship I had really bad hormonal imbalances from the birth control pill I was using (i suspect) and my sex drive completely plummeted, I didn't want to be touched or hugged or kissed and I would force myself to have sex with my boyfriend because I knew he wanted to and I didn't want to be a bad girlfriend, he was always very supportive and asked if I actually wanted to and I would lie, but feel really shitty afterwards, and sex also hurt for me too during those periods because I wasn't turned on.
Needless to say, those few months was hell for both me and our relationship. I finally got off the pill and things slowly have gone back to normal, but our sex life is still pretty non-existent. During the "dark periods" I pretty blocked out and brushed away any sexual urges I had and suppressed them to the point where I don't feel turned on anymore, or have sexual urges or ever feel horny. I think it was a combination of not wanting to disappoint my bf if I did decide to initiate sex (bc most times we would have to stop half way because it hurt), and feeling like it was wrong to have those thoughts.
Anyway, it has gotten better in terms of me initiating, but again I still don't feel turned on or horny, I'm more than happy to give him oral to please him, and it still feels good when he goes down on me, and sometimes sex will feel good but it's a rare occasion when it does happen, and it's not as good as it used to feel, sex also is very routine and predictable and is quite boring. It has gotten to the point where I don't feel the urge to masturbate, and when I do it's sometimes because I'm bored.
My question to reddit is, how can I fix this? I love my SO very much and I see myself marrying him and having a future with him, but this whole sex drive thing is really frustrating me, furthermore it puts a lot of pressure on me because i always feel like if I am playful or have a 'slight' urge then I HAVE to have sex because its a rare opportunity that I do, and then it feels more like a task I have to focus on instead of something fun and relaxing.
How can I fix this? I feel like I'm trying really hard and so is my SO but nothing is helping and I feel extremely disheartened, I really want to fix this issue I have with myself but I don't even know where to begin.
P.S. I want to fix the situation and am open to compromise and so is my SO, so leaving is not an option
Thanks
Previously posted on /relationship_advice but thought it would be more fitting hereThe title pretty much sums it up, we have been together for little over 4 years and see each other/stay over at each others' place around 4 days out of the week. When we first started dating, of course the sex was great and we were having it all the time, and I was initiating it. However, about a year into our relationship I had really bad hormonal imbalances from the birth control pill I was using (i suspect) and my sex drive completely plummeted, I didn't want to be touched or hugged or kissed and I would force myself to have sex with my boyfriend because I knew he wanted to and I didn't want to be a bad girlfriend, he was always very supportive and asked if I actually wanted to and I would lie, but feel really shitty afterwards, and sex also hurt for me too during those periods because I wasn't turned on.Needless to say, those few months was hell for both me and our relationship. I finally got off the pill and things slowly have gone back to normal, but our sex life is still pretty non-existent. During the "dark periods" I pretty blocked out and brushed away any sexual urges I had and suppressed them to the point where I don't feel turned on anymore, or have sexual urges or ever feel horny. I think it was a combination of not wanting to disappoint my bf if I did decide to initiate sex (bc most times we would have to stop half way because it hurt), and feeling like it was wrong to have those thoughts.Anyway, it has gotten better in terms of me initiating, but again I still don't feel turned on or horny, I'm more than happy to give him oral to please him, and it still feels good when he goes down on me, and sometimes sex will feel good but it's a rare occasion when it does happen, and it's not as good as it used to feel, sex also is very routine and predictable and is quite boring. It has gotten to the point where I don't feel the urge to masturbate, and when I do it's sometimes because I'm bored.My question to reddit is, how can I fix this? I love my SO very much and I see myself marrying him and having a future with him, but this whole sex drive thing is really frustrating me, furthermore it puts a lot of pressure on me because i always feel like if I am playful or have a 'slight' urge then I HAVE to have sex because its a rare opportunity that I do, and then it feels more like a task I have to focus on instead of something fun and relaxing.How can I fix this? I feel like I'm trying really hard and so is my SO but nothing is helping and I feel extremely disheartened, I really want to fix this issue I have with myself but I don't even know where to begin.P.S. I want to fix the situation and am open to compromise and so is my SO, so leaving is not an optionThanks https://ift.tt/eA8V8J http://bit.ly/2CzpJtO
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