I don’t think I’m acting on fear. I told myself whatever comes will come and I’ll handle it. I’m emotionally strong and the bread winner anyway. I had plenty of time to think about it and have imagined my life starting over, having my freedom back, maybe dating again and the possibility of meeting someone wonderful. No kids, no mortgage, easy split.
But I still believe the right choice is to stay wit her. I have to fix her, fix me, and the future is bright in a year or so. Why?
I chose her. We lived together for years before we got married. She’s naturally loyal, charming, giving. I fully enjoy her sense of humor, her company, and until recently I trusted her fully. When she was in shape she was always a tad overweight but always an attractive woman.
Forward through 10 years of bumpy road and we are both overweight, depressed, no intimacy for years. She broke the cycle by letting someone else in her life. When she finally had the nerve she told me and she was ready to leave to be on her own. That was harder than it sounds because she’s accustomed to a comfortable live with me and her prospects alone look dire. Also because we’ve been best friends the whole time, even though life was tough starting a business through the recession, dealing with debt and stress and loss of people in our lives.
Are we not meant for each other? If we are constantly depressed and overweight and have no intimacy, is that the clearest sign that we don’t belong together? I challenged that idea this year. I challenged myself to change, to deal with my side of the issues. I lost 15lbs. I have a hormonal imbalance that is getting fixed, getting off my severe coffee dependency. Eating clean, working out 6 days a week. Broke the stress cycle. My mind is clearer, I have a better attitude towards life, I’m happier. Still a long road ahead, another 20lbs to lose, a distance to travel to get my hormones right. Plenty to improve.
She saw me change and started to believe what I’ve been saying, that life is not black and white and that things don’t have to stay the same. I told her I think we are great for each other if we just trim the bs out of our lives. We dealt with our debt issues, we have become better people and no longer fight how we used to in the earlier years. She’s seen me improve and seems ready to drink the coolaid. Se needs about the same I do, to lose weight, get a better attitude, break the stress cycle, become happier as a person. I think she can do it. I’m showing her the way and she’s getting on the path with me.
We are still not intimate, it feels forced on both ends. I resent what she did. But she’s severed all connections and after a few months she finally seems honestly here with me not mentally gone as she was during those months. She's obviously regretful that she hurt me, she always was, she just didn't see a future for us anymore back then. We are back to being friends. I see a path towards being best friends again. From there only better things if we stay on this road.
Is this a pipe dream? Is it doomed to fail? I won’t know for sure without more time and a ton of effort. But ultimately, I’m still living the dream. I still have my best friend and my partner for life. I still have an amazing future waiting to be realized if we do the work. And we are making ground on it. If I win at this, it will be far better than starting again elsewhere. At least that’s how I see it. I think I’m acting on hope, love and pragmatism, not fear.
If i told you this year my wife cheated and told me she wanted to leave, you might say that was a bad year. But this is the year I took command of my spiraling life, improved my health and got a new outlook on life. And my wife is on path to do the same. Maybe this was a good year, for all the pain it caused and the opportunities it brings.
I don’t think I’m acting on fear. I told myself whatever comes will come and I’ll handle it. I’m emotionally strong and the bread winner anyway. I had plenty of time to think about it and have imagined my life starting over, having my freedom back, maybe dating again and the possibility of meeting someone wonderful. No kids, no mortgage, easy split.But I still believe the right choice is to stay wit her. I have to fix her, fix me, and the future is bright in a year or so. Why?I chose her. We lived together for years before we got married. She’s naturally loyal, charming, giving. I fully enjoy her sense of humor, her company, and until recently I trusted her fully. When she was in shape she was always a tad overweight but always an attractive woman.Forward through 10 years of bumpy road and we are both overweight, depressed, no intimacy for years. She broke the cycle by letting someone else in her life. When she finally had the nerve she told me and she was ready to leave to be on her own. That was harder than it sounds because she’s accustomed to a comfortable live with me and her prospects alone look dire. Also because we’ve been best friends the whole time, even though life was tough starting a business through the recession, dealing with debt and stress and loss of people in our lives.Are we not meant for each other? If we are constantly depressed and overweight and have no intimacy, is that the clearest sign that we don’t belong together? I challenged that idea this year. I challenged myself to change, to deal with my side of the issues. I lost 15lbs. I have a hormonal imbalance that is getting fixed, getting off my severe coffee dependency. Eating clean, working out 6 days a week. Broke the stress cycle. My mind is clearer, I have a better attitude towards life, I’m happier. Still a long road ahead, another 20lbs to lose, a distance to travel to get my hormones right. Plenty to improve.She saw me change and started to believe what I’ve been saying, that life is not black and white and that things don’t have to stay the same. I told her I think we are great for each other if we just trim the bs out of our lives. We dealt with our debt issues, we have become better people and no longer fight how we used to in the earlier years. She’s seen me improve and seems ready to drink the coolaid. Se needs about the same I do, to lose weight, get a better attitude, break the stress cycle, become happier as a person. I think she can do it. I’m showing her the way and she’s getting on the path with me.We are still not intimate, it feels forced on both ends. I resent what she did. But she’s severed all connections and after a few months she finally seems honestly here with me not mentally gone as she was during those months. She's obviously regretful that she hurt me, she always was, she just didn't see a future for us anymore back then. We are back to being friends. I see a path towards being best friends again. From there only better things if we stay on this road.Is this a pipe dream? Is it doomed to fail? I won’t know for sure without more time and a ton of effort. But ultimately, I’m still living the dream. I still have my best friend and my partner for life. I still have an amazing future waiting to be realized if we do the work. And we are making ground on it. If I win at this, it will be far better than starting again elsewhere. At least that’s how I see it. I think I’m acting on hope, love and pragmatism, not fear.If i told you this year my wife cheated and told me she wanted to leave, you might say that was a bad year. But this is the year I took command of my spiraling life, improved my health and got a new outlook on life. And my wife is on path to do the same. Maybe this was a good year, for all the pain it caused and the opportunities it brings. https://ift.tt/eA8V8J http://bit.ly/2Q7ebkT
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