Dear sweet lover,
I wish you'd come back to be by my side again. I wish I'd taken care of you better, I wish it didn't have to be this way. We met a long time ago, remember when you were suicidal and on the other side of that screen was me?
I knew I probably wasn't allowed to love you, but I did. Luckily 7Cups wasn't very strict with the professionalism policy otherwise we'd be damned if they looked at it. I told you we'd never be more than friends but look at us now, we've gone past 2 years.
I wish we'd have met a different time, when things were better. Right now I'm a broke eighteen year old who dreams of reaching the stars, and you're someone from across the sea. I'm too broke to even visit you, but our relationship still lasts 2 years even when I couldn't be there physically.
I'm sorry I just couldn't be there for you, I know right now you're suffering from your psychological diseases and pain. The chronic pain, the fibromyalgia, the chronic fatigue, the constant depression, the headaches, the sickness, terrible hormonal imbalance, and lots of other ones which plagued your days every day.
I had to watch you suffer every day for the past 2 years, hearing you talk about going to the hospital, all those constant visit to the hospital and I couldn't even be there for you because I'm an idiotic broke young man. I wish I could be there for you, even for one day just to give you a hug. It's just painful being in this long distance relationship and I have to watch you suffer like this and I can't... do anything about it.
I don't mind all those days, I swear, I'm not complaining. I just wish I was there for you in all those days. Today marks the 15th day that you're gone, you haven't texted or called me at all and you're sick in the hospital again. This happens a lot, but I wish you knew that it's okay to be sick and I'd always be there for you even if I couldn't be there for you physically.
I only regret I haven't worked harder for us, finding money in a third world country is just playing life on hard mode, even if I wanted to travel to you I can't. I told you about all my plans, to become a great game developer, to make some money just so I can finally get to you and give you that hug that you finally deserve, but I haven't done that at all.
All my games are bland and generic, I wish you knew that, but even when I showed you my games you kept being proud of me and smiling, in everything I did you were always proud of me and I can't help but feel a little hurt, because I don't deserve your praise. I'm just incapable beyond belief, I wish we had more time so I could make better games and train myself to code better so I could actually make decent money, but time is not on our side and I hate that.
I wish I could see you, just once. The way things are going, your medical diseases are going to get you before you even meet me but you keep showing me that smile of yours and telling me that we'll be okay and that we'd meet one day.
I'm trying so hard right now, you've been gone for 2 weeks and I tried to make a great game just to try to make some money to finally get to you. All I made was some shitty asteroid shooter and spending my time in bed or on the computer crying my heart out.
Some days I have to ask myself, God, why are you doing this to me? My greatest regret in life will be not meeting you, I can't help but blame myself for not working harder.
I write this letter to you, crying, it'll be unsent and lost in a sea of unsent letters, just like how everything else fades away, like how our dream is now fading.
I wish I'd done more for you, I wish I was there for you. With all that's said and done, all I can simply say is thank you. I hope you're lying down in bed, recovering slowly, and I hope the doctors bring you good news. With all my heart and soul I wish we'd meet, I want nothing more than to do just that.
I promise to you, I'll try my best in making great games so I can meet you one day, I won't stop believing and I won't ever give up on you. I refuse to believe that our dream will fade away, just like all these letters that lie here, unattended. Please, just please don't fade away just yet.
Yours always, Edgar.
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