Hi guy! I have an unusual problem and I could use some advice. I posted about this in r/sexuality before, but it doesn't has as many subscribers and I didn't get answers.
Essentially my problem is that I am unable to consciously access my attraction to people. I think it's there, but it's like it's hiding. I can never recognize it except in retrospect. Here's why I know I experience attraction:
-I have sexual and/or sensual dreams about certain people I know.
-I get indirect jealousy. Sometimes when a girl I'm close with gets a boyfriend, I'll have negative feelings. I'll usually tell myself it's bc I don't like the guy, or that I'm insecure that everyone else but me is in relationships, but looking back on the pattern of when this happens, I think it's actually jealousy/disappointment.
-Sometimes I'll get extra invested in hanging out with a particular person, and they're attention seems extra fulfilling compared to other people.
That's about all I can think of. The dreams were the deal breaker for me, and it's why I'm sure this isn't asexuality. You don't have pleasant sexual and sensual dreams about the same person multiple times unless you're attracted to them, right?
But attraction seems to require this ridiculous dream symbolism and detective work for me. I don't have any other of the "crush symptoms" people talk about. Sex and relationships seem appealing to me in private, but the idea of actually flirting or exploring my sexuality irl seems exhausting, and I don't know where to start since I can't actually tell who I'm attracted to. I literally won't realize I was attracted to someone until I have a dream about them, sometimes years in retrospect.
I'm considering 2 possibilities:
- Repression. I think it's gotta be at least part of the problem. I had very bad depression right when I started going through puberty, and then anxiety all through high school, so I never got to explore sexuality the way most people do in that time.
- Illness? I'm currently being diagnosed for probable narcolepsy, and I've been thinking of getting my thyroid checked as well. I can remember a brief time in college where I was genuinely consciously attracted to this one guy, and wanted to be in a relationship with him. Looking back that coincides with one of the only "high-energy" periods of my life I can remember. I wonder if this lack of attraction could somehow be linked to fatigue or hormonal imbalance? Idk.
I'm definitely sort of a closed off person, but I think literally being unable to feel your own feelings is super rare for people who haven't experienced severe trauma? And even if I'm shy/avoidant I don't think it makes sense that I should be unable to feel attraction.
Additional details: I'm 21 and female. My family isn't homophobic or strict. I've never experienced any sexual trauma.
Help me out guys, wtf is my problem?? Should I go to a GP or straight to a psychologist? I've never heard of anyone feeling the same way as me. Let me know if you need more info.
Hi guy! I have an unusual problem and I could use some advice. I posted about this in r/sexuality before, but it doesn't has as many subscribers and I didn't get answers.Essentially my problem is that I am unable to consciously access my attraction to people. I think it's there, but it's like it's hiding. I can never recognize it except in retrospect. Here's why I know I experience attraction:-I have sexual and/or sensual dreams about certain people I know.-I get indirect jealousy. Sometimes when a girl I'm close with gets a boyfriend, I'll have negative feelings. I'll usually tell myself it's bc I don't like the guy, or that I'm insecure that everyone else but me is in relationships, but looking back on the pattern of when this happens, I think it's actually jealousy/disappointment.-Sometimes I'll get extra invested in hanging out with a particular person, and they're attention seems extra fulfilling compared to other people.That's about all I can think of. The dreams were the deal breaker for me, and it's why I'm sure this isn't asexuality. You don't have pleasant sexual and sensual dreams about the same person multiple times unless you're attracted to them, right?But attraction seems to require this ridiculous dream symbolism and detective work for me. I don't have any other of the "crush symptoms" people talk about. Sex and relationships seem appealing to me in private, but the idea of actually flirting or exploring my sexuality irl seems exhausting, and I don't know where to start since I can't actually tell who I'm attracted to. I literally won't realize I was attracted to someone until I have a dream about them, sometimes years in retrospect.I'm considering 2 possibilities:Repression. I think it's gotta be at least part of the problem. I had very bad depression right when I started going through puberty, and then anxiety all through high school, so I never got to explore sexuality the way most people do in that time.Illness? I'm currently being diagnosed for probable narcolepsy, and I've been thinking of getting my thyroid checked as well. I can remember a brief time in college where I was genuinely consciously attracted to this one guy, and wanted to be in a relationship with him. Looking back that coincides with one of the only "high-energy" periods of my life I can remember. I wonder if this lack of attraction could somehow be linked to fatigue or hormonal imbalance? Idk.I'm definitely sort of a closed off person, but I think literally being unable to feel your own feelings is super rare for people who haven't experienced severe trauma? And even if I'm shy/avoidant I don't think it makes sense that I should be unable to feel attraction.Additional details: I'm 21 and female. My family isn't homophobic or strict. I've never experienced any sexual trauma.Help me out guys, wtf is my problem?? Should I go to a GP or straight to a psychologist? I've never heard of anyone feeling the same way as me. Let me know if you need more info. https://ift.tt/eA8V8J http://bit.ly/2EIo33f
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