**TLDR at the bottom
I was originally going to post to AITA but I feel like I need a bit more advice here than just “yup you’re an asshole” so please give it a read and comment your opinion. I won’t be changing my stance, but I guess I need help on how to convey that without attacking how my husband feels. Plz and thank you in advance. Keeping original format because I’m lazy. If it’s an issue please let me know!
Hey reddit, wondering if I’m the asshole here. I find this mostly humorous and there’s no chance of me leaving my SO over this, so that’s not the issue. Truly just trying to figure out if I’m the asshole.
Husband and I have been married for a year now. I currently have an expired IUD that should’ve been taken out a year ago, in the mean time only form of BC we’ve used is the pull out method. I’ve been on various types of birth control for almost 10 years now. I have an appointment to get my IUD taken out on Monday. I was thinking of getting another one put in, or switching to the pill.
Now here’s where he completely spazzed. And I say spazzed because we’ve talked about having children before, and we both agree we’re no where near ready nor is our lifestyle anything close to stable to bring another life into this world. I also know everything he’s saying he’s saying out of love and concern so I know there’s no maliciousness here, which is why I’m wondering if ITA.
We were at his mothers (we’re all very close nothings off limits) and I mentioned this doctors appointment to get this IUD taken out. She asks if I’m getting another put in and I say yea, maybe the pill. And then my husband buts in and he’s like “woah I thought we agreed on no birth control. It’s un natural, the hormones I don’t want to bring an unhealthy baby into this world cuz the birth control fucked it up. “
At this point i wasn’t sure if he was joking or not because occasionally we’ll both play devils advocate mockingly but I responded lightly “Okay, well birth control is so you don’t have babies, and it doesn’t fuck them up, granted the hormone imbalance for the woman isn’t great, but it’s worth it to me to not have an unwanted baby” and he goes off about how he was with his ex before me for 8 years and relied only on the pull out method and he never got her pregnant. Which granted they lived a much nicer lifestyle at the time so a kid wouldn’t have crippled their life but I mean I bet she was on birth control and just didn’t tell him since he apparently feels so strongly about it. Or they really did just use the pull out method and that’s fine but if I’m not using condoms with my husband I want an added layer of protection because i don’t want babies right now he told me it was like I don’t trust him. That’s not the case, I just don’t want babies. He said I lied to him, because we talked the other night about hormonal birth control and how it can have negative side effects (I’ve dealt with them myself before meeting him so I definitely did agree with some points) but I thought that was just a discussion. I wasn’t agreeing that birth control is bad or not for me, I didn’t know that was the conversation we were having.
Then I brought up how I’ve been on birth control since I was 14. He couldn’t believe I had been poisoning my body for so long and in his logic this means it would take forever for these hormones to cycle out of my body and the damage to be undone for when we do decide to have children.
So I basically said I’m sorry for the miscommunication but it has nothing to do with not trusting you, I just don’t want a baby until I’m ready. I’ll be getting a form of BC no matter what. And when we’re trying I’ll get off of it however long makes you feel comfortable. But until then I’m protecting myself from having an abortion, because I don’t want to be faced with that type of decision and I don’t want to be pregnant.
He feels lied to and untrusted and I know how much he wants to be a father when the time is right. He’s actually very upset after this conversation and I know he’s mainly upset because he believes BC will poison my womb (and my body in general) and could hurt our future children. He’s NOT upset because we’re not trying for a baby, and he’s NOT upset over any type of sex or control reason. To him he’s upset because he sees it as a health risk. I really think if I don’t address this correctly when he wakes up from his grumpy nap it’ll just grow into some sort of distrust or betrayal.
SO ALL THAT BEING SAID, AITA? Should I have disclosed this earlier? Is he right? AITA for not caring and getting BC anyways?
TLDR: husband thinks birth control is poison, and will poison me and future babies. I want birth control because I don’t want babies right now and don’t think the pull out method is reliable enough
**TLDR at the bottomI was originally going to post to AITA but I feel like I need a bit more advice here than just “yup you’re an asshole” so please give it a read and comment your opinion. I won’t be changing my stance, but I guess I need help on how to convey that without attacking how my husband feels. Plz and thank you in advance. Keeping original format because I’m lazy. If it’s an issue please let me know!Hey reddit, wondering if I’m the asshole here. I find this mostly humorous and there’s no chance of me leaving my SO over this, so that’s not the issue. Truly just trying to figure out if I’m the asshole.Husband and I have been married for a year now. I currently have an expired IUD that should’ve been taken out a year ago, in the mean time only form of BC we’ve used is the pull out method. I’ve been on various types of birth control for almost 10 years now. I have an appointment to get my IUD taken out on Monday. I was thinking of getting another one put in, or switching to the pill.Now here’s where he completely spazzed. And I say spazzed because we’ve talked about having children before, and we both agree we’re no where near ready nor is our lifestyle anything close to stable to bring another life into this world. I also know everything he’s saying he’s saying out of love and concern so I know there’s no maliciousness here, which is why I’m wondering if ITA.We were at his mothers (we’re all very close nothings off limits) and I mentioned this doctors appointment to get this IUD taken out. She asks if I’m getting another put in and I say yea, maybe the pill. And then my husband buts in and he’s like “woah I thought we agreed on no birth control. It’s un natural, the hormones I don’t want to bring an unhealthy baby into this world cuz the birth control fucked it up. “At this point i wasn’t sure if he was joking or not because occasionally we’ll both play devils advocate mockingly but I responded lightly “Okay, well birth control is so you don’t have babies, and it doesn’t fuck them up, granted the hormone imbalance for the woman isn’t great, but it’s worth it to me to not have an unwanted baby” and he goes off about how he was with his ex before me for 8 years and relied only on the pull out method and he never got her pregnant. Which granted they lived a much nicer lifestyle at the time so a kid wouldn’t have crippled their life but I mean I bet she was on birth control and just didn’t tell him since he apparently feels so strongly about it. Or they really did just use the pull out method and that’s fine but if I’m not using condoms with my husband I want an added layer of protection because i don’t want babies right now he told me it was like I don’t trust him. That’s not the case, I just don’t want babies. He said I lied to him, because we talked the other night about hormonal birth control and how it can have negative side effects (I’ve dealt with them myself before meeting him so I definitely did agree with some points) but I thought that was just a discussion. I wasn’t agreeing that birth control is bad or not for me, I didn’t know that was the conversation we were having.Then I brought up how I’ve been on birth control since I was 14. He couldn’t believe I had been poisoning my body for so long and in his logic this means it would take forever for these hormones to cycle out of my body and the damage to be undone for when we do decide to have children.So I basically said I’m sorry for the miscommunication but it has nothing to do with not trusting you, I just don’t want a baby until I’m ready. I’ll be getting a form of BC no matter what. And when we’re trying I’ll get off of it however long makes you feel comfortable. But until then I’m protecting myself from having an abortion, because I don’t want to be faced with that type of decision and I don’t want to be pregnant.He feels lied to and untrusted and I know how much he wants to be a father when the time is right. He’s actually very upset after this conversation and I know he’s mainly upset because he believes BC will poison my womb (and my body in general) and could hurt our future children. He’s NOT upset because we’re not trying for a baby, and he’s NOT upset over any type of sex or control reason. To him he’s upset because he sees it as a health risk. I really think if I don’t address this correctly when he wakes up from his grumpy nap it’ll just grow into some sort of distrust or betrayal.SO ALL THAT BEING SAID, AITA? Should I have disclosed this earlier? Is he right? AITA for not caring and getting BC anyways?TLDR: husband thinks birth control is poison, and will poison me and future babies. I want birth control because I don’t want babies right now and don’t think the pull out method is reliable enough https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/2Wy7QT7
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