Was high+paranoid. Went to hospital for anxiety relief and was misdiagnosed schizophrenic. Got thrown into dystopian mental health system. Punched by male nurse and hospitalized for months for no reason, then transferred to locked facility for a year where I couldn't contact outside help.
Mostly takes place 2017-2018. This could happen to you: Get paranoid on weed so you go to the hospital for a little calmdown and/or anxiety medicine. Then get a doctor who misdiagnoses you as schizophrenic (in 2014). Then that misdiagnosis FOLLOWS you. And then at some point (years later) doctors *institutionalize* you for a YEAR *against your will* using that misdiagnosis. And guess where you go if you don't have proper insurance and only Medi-Cal? Because I say institutionalized with everything this implies. I was yelled at by nurses regularly, punished with restraint/medication, with no way out. Do you know what it's like to have be threatened with restraint and forced injections with male nurses looking on, horrible stench everywhere, mentally out-of-it people always in your space, one bunk, a handful of out-of-date magazines, and blaring daytime tv for weeks on end? No access to your phone. Sterile environment. Both overstimulating and mindnumbingly understimulating. It was torture. This is "treatment"??? I was thrown in a prison. TWICE.
By the way, no. I'm not schizophrenic.
What's worse, this particular hospital was corrupt beyond that. Was stuck with an attending psychiatrist who played power games. Didn't listen to me when I said he was standing too close to me. I was lying down and he was standing too close to me while I was in a vulnerable position. I told him so. "Please move, you're standing too close with your private region close to my face." He told me, smugly, "I'm fine where I am."
#MeToo
I was aghast. I told him and everyone on staff: "I'd like to change doctors."
Answer: That doctor is the only physician available.
I told him and everyone on the staff, "I'd like to leave. I don't need or want to be here."
Answer: Doctor told me that I was "gravely disabled" and that he'd extended the hold on me. That happened time after time. He lied on my chart, saying that I was "homeless" and "aggressive." Because I dared talk back to him. He testified in the little hearings they give you that I "didn't have a plan for self care" and that I needed to be held further at the hospital. It was a kangaroo court.
Homeless? I have a home with my parents. I work on my own projects, with my own savings. That doctor blatantly lied on my chart, which I still have. And he was smug. So goddamned smug.
One day, when I yelled back at a (male) nurse after he yelled at me, he flew into the doorway of my room and punched me. I was on the floor. I hurt my ribs, I hurt my head. Couldn't move for several days. They hustled the nurse out of there and none of the nurses would give me his or their names. They didn't call a doctor to check on me or the cops. But I still know the name of the charge nurse.
"What about the 24 hour CCTV security camera?" I asked. There were signs everywhere about monitoring in progress.
They basically laughed at me.
And then, oh look, a coinky-dink. I was declared unfit to look after myself and placed under conservatorship, transferred to a LOCKED facility for a YEAR where I had fifteen minutes of phone access per day in order to procure a lawyer. I did not succeed before the 6 month statute of limitations ran out.
That first hospital, I remember, sent me to my court date with an injection of some kind of tranquilizer. I could barely keep myself awake as I faced the judge. I felt awful. I felt like I hadn't slept in 11 days. It was painful. That doctor testified against me, saying things like I was delusional, telling staff that I was a doctor myself. (No, I told the doctor that he and his staff and their bunk were an example of the reason why I almost got a doctorate in psychology and decided against it.) He severely twisted my words around to get me conserved by the state.
Tried to contact lawyers about the nurse's attack and was told it was outside the statute of limitations and why didn't I call earlier? Why? I had to rise in ranks to earn phone time in the first 6 months at that locked facility, and only 15 minutes at a time, at that. This hospital followed all the rules; no abusive staff, per se; it was just a horrible environment. It was a hospital meant to rehabilitate people so far gone that they don't shower by themselves. Their official purpose is re-educating you into learning how to live within a community. I felt like I was in a surreal dystopic nightmare. This is where I end up after making the mistake of insulting someone "in power"? What is this, North Korea? Conditions were horrible there as well, though no one was as blatantly evil. And there wasn't anyone who would do anything about the abuse I suffered at the previous institution. This place was just a holding cell for society's outcasts.
The people at this institution were (A) homeless (B) extremely handicapped mostly without family support (C) out of jail/prison with nowhere else to go.
I was none of these things.
My family visited but there was nothing they could do. I went to court dates trying to win my freedom back wearing plastic shackles around my wrists and waist, shuffling like a common criminal.
I felt dehumanized.
Grave injustice. I'm trembling even now from the trauma of it. This is the shortened version. Who can I reach out to? What can I do? I tried contacting about 30 lawyers in the state bar about (just) the nurse attack, and one asked me, "So, are you a rich girl or something? Daddy's money?" and when I told him no, he replied, "Well, doesn't sound like there's much I can do." Lawyers. Such character.) Is this the United States???
I've been too discombobulated to even mention the systemic attack on my dignity and real mental health while I was at these "hospitals." Trauma. It's taken me until now to be able to put it together in words. I haven't even been able to put it together enough to talk about the whole story to people. A lot more to tell.
What was my crime? Got high, was stupid enough to think mental health in this country had progressed past the 1890s where you're not in danger of getting trapped inside a mental hospital and abused. Asked my public defender at the time, and then uncle, other family. They were all extremely cynical. "So you were abused by the hospital, hit by a nurse. Who are they going to side with, the hospital, or you? Just let it go."
Seriously, is there nothing I can do at this point? I know it's been about exactly a year since I was released from the hospital, but since I couldn't talk about the incident listed here before now, I just went about getting a job until I could wrap my head around it.
Meanwhile, I've been spontaneously throwing up and gaining weight even though I maintain a diet of around 1200-1600 calories. Talked with a friend who is going through symptoms of PTSD, and he has been going through similar issues of weight gain. He consulted a doctor who said the issue was a hormonal imbalance due to overwhelming stress.
(By My) Count:
- malicious misdiagnosis
- punishment with restraint/medication
- sexual harassment
- conspiracy to conceal misconduct
I know, it's a reach. But if anyone knows of an organization that could help in whatever capacity, I'd be glad to hear.... Thank you for hearing me.
Comments
Post a Comment