I [27f] have gone from never crying, to full blown hormonal mess because of baby rabies. I can't stop. I'm miserable. Husband [31m] still isn't ready. So I asked for a puppy. Help?
*TL;DR I used to almost never cry. Miscarried. Got off birth control. Now I can't stop crying. Have baby rabies. Asked husband for a puppy to help ME. He's resisting. My heart is broken... What do I do?
Update: many people have made comments about how hard dogs or puppies can be. And I realized in my emotional frantic rambling, I left out a lot of my life.
I raised both of my current dogs from the day they were old enough to come home. From tiny tiny hold-in-your-hand puppies. I house broke both of them. I trained both of them. And they're both excellent dogs. I found motivation in life through dog training. The reward you get off an amazing dog who trusts you is priceless.
The chewing from both of them. the howling at night because he was scared during crate training and thought he was alone. The hoarding issue and "litter box" mindset he had from his breeder because they failed to even try. I taught them to swim. Speak. Wave. Roll. Tip toe... It was work. And every moment wasn't rainbows, but I still loved it. It was delightful to hear how well mannered my dogs were. And still are!
I have a Shiba and a Klee Kai. They're known for being difficult dogs, but I've never had a problem with them because I dedicated so much time to them every day, multiple times a day, to make them into fantasticly behaved dogs. The only thing I can honestly say is "wrong" with them (that isn't even wrong it's just how they are) is that they're not very affectionate. And they're older. They are best friends, and do everything together. Which these days, is mostly sleep, or hunt for lizards in the bushes outside.
Writing out this, I've had the thought that maybe a reason I think as to why I want a puppy so badly is because years ago, we made them our lives. We didn't have friends, it was just us and the dogs.
When we moved, we made friends and became more social.
Now, we're about to move into a new house in.... 18 days? And it's far from everyone, so we already have started to kind of just be a duo again. I think I just miss it, and the hormones aren't helping by fueling that fire. I miss us bonding and being active with a puppy. Our dogs now as they get older, have zero interest in being active and going out. They get tired very quickly. Overall, I both want a dog that's more affectionate and lovey as a comfort for me, and also I want some semblance of how we were years ago.
Combining that with the hormones, and baby rabies, I'm just a mess looking for comfort.
I do see a therapist, as I've mentioned in comments as well. I have had a history of depression, but this is not the same feeling. My therapist agrees that I may still carry a lot of emotions about miscarriage, but I have to find healthy ways to grieve and move on.
They also agreed that a DOG could be immensely helpful for me therapeutically. Such as a support dog, or training a foster dog until it finds a forever home. And that a puppy could be a good thing, but it has to be the right puppy. Something to obviously really think about and plan for in the very far future and not just thinking about the now.
I'm still waiting on test results for hormones, or any chemical imbalances. Thank you for your responses. I will try to update again after the move and everything settles again.
I'm 27. I've wanted kids, but it was always just a fond thought for the future. Planning for the future, I decided to come off birth control this year. (We still use condoms.) To allow my body to adjust.
Even on birth control, I managed to have a miscarriage two years ago. I was a mess, and still am about it. It was... Far enough along that when it happened, it was obvious what it was... And it still haunts me. I will never ever be able to burn that day from my mind, or that image out. It hurts. It hurts just as bad thinking or talking about it now as it did when it happened two years ago...
After coming fully off birth control in January, I was, emotionally speaking, fine until this month.
It's like I've been hit with the emotional sledgehammer. I cry at EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. My husband, friends, and family are all surprised, because I've never been the person to cry unless someone or a pet died. Even then, it's minimal. Now I'm this WEEPING horrible banshee. They just come! I'm so frustrated! I've had awful headaches because I can't keep tears in my face. It literally doesn't matter what it is. Like a Goddamn faucet has been turned on out of nowhere.
Wake up, brushing my teeth- boom crying.
Go outside, see a butterfly - waterfall
Dog sleeping? - dripping face. Snotty. Need 5 minutes to reset myself.
Take a bite of my sandwich? My God, you'd think the world is ending.
See a baby, or a puppy? Days over. I'm crying for the rest of the day.
I did actually see my doctor today. Blood work is being done, but from what I was told, it's apparently normal...
This is normal?! How?!
Now, I don't want to go back on birth control. I had more side effects than it seemed to help. And while I'm sure we will try for a baby in the next few years, I don't feel like I'm going to last very long like this. I'll be a empty husk of a person.
So I asked my husband (31m, we've been married 3 years, together 7y) if we could get another dog. Our farm friends just bred theirs, and as I've gone over there since they were born, there's one that has bonded to me... And I adore her. The world washes away when she's there. She's the most comforting and sweet thing ever. And for a puppy, is incredibly calm! If I sat there all day, she wants nothing more than to be next to me and let me love on her. And it's the best feeling to the deepest part of my soul.
We have two dogs already. They are small dogs and older. I have no intentions of getting rid of them, because they're also my babies. they're just not very affectionate dogs. That's just their breed and personality. And there's nothing wrong with that at all. I still absolutely love them. I would love to have a dog that is more affectionate, and comforting.
But with my husband [31m] not being ready, I don't wanna keep pestering him about a baby. But I do feel I need something to care for, love, and be there for me too. Being a Great Pyrenees, she will be a big dog. She's also the runt of her litter. I can see and already feel comfort in having a large dog to curl up with on the couch, especially for occasions when my husband is gone for business. I want her very much.
My husband at first said no, because what they wanted for the puppy was too much for him price wise. So then, they dropped the price to insanely low.
We went to visit again, and they saw how bonded the puppy and I were, and know how I've been an emotional mess lately. So she offered for me to just take her. Free and clear.
I was elated. I cried, happy tears this time. He wanted to think about it, but was strongly inflecting to yes. Finally, for two days, I went without crying. Not a single tear. And it was a wonderful relief. I had motivation like I hadn't had in months, and I felt whole at the comforting and warm feeling that I'd have a friend.
Now... He's saying no. Too much money to feed a big dog, big dogs are expensive, any reason he could come up with... None of these things would be a problem for us, so the answers based on money just make me annoyed.
My heart hurts... And I'm back to this hormonal mess of just crying at everything. I honestly can't express enough that I can't turn it off, or control what it is over. I definitely don't want him to feel like I'm trying to manipulate him either. I want him to decide for the right reasons, I do NOT want him to feel bullied into it! (Or in this case, like he's drowned into it...)
But I'm also at a loss of what to do. I loathe relationship ultimatums.... But what on Earth am I supposed to do?
I express how I feel. I openly talk about what I want, and what my family planning goals are. And he isn't ready. Ok. I can try and respect that.
Expressing that if he's not ready for a baby, but I have emotional needs for something in my life, if we could instead get another dog, and shot down again...?
Throw me a bone here ...
What's the approach to this? Is there even an approach?
Am I just stuck being trapped in baby fever until I die or he just decides he's ready after years of waiting? Is it reasonable to want to have a friend to love to fill the years until he's finally ready...?
Edit: we both do want children. He just wants to wait 3 more years. Whereas I'm ready now, and my body is screaming at me and making me suffer over it. I mostly just want a solution for a way to deal with the emotional needs for a baby in the meantime... Because they're not getting snuffed out anytime soon.
Edit edit: yes, I've discussed with my doctor. Yes, I've spoken to a therapist. It's very normal to get a pet to cope with feelings after a miscarriage, or in place of having children should you find yourself infertile.
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