Yes there is such a thing as personal accountability, self reflection and doing your best. There also is the aspect of mental illness so many do not want to or seem to accept and grasp -- that it does impact a person and their life. For example, I was given goals to accomplish over the next two weeks, and while I have genuinely been working on them, I've been suffering and struggling so roughly.
Such judgment comes when for instance a person with depression misses an appointment or doesn't get their household cleaning done, and yet I want to scream, "THAT'S THE DEPRESSION." I want to say, "do you think I like having stacks of dishes in and around my sink? Not showering but one a week or more? Being in so much emotional mental pain, staying in bed is the only comfort?"
Mind you I am dealing with more than just depression. It just frustrates me how some base how hard you are trying without actually spending a prolonged period of time to see what your days are like. No one had ever fully understood what challenges I deal with unless they have lived with me (only a handful ever have), and attempting to replicate that for some understanding and empathy is not only unrealistic but ducking exhausting.
I am so sick of essentially being gas lit, just because I carry myself with dignity, am intelligent, passably well groomed, articulate and have a sweet nature. As if these were qualities and traits somehow disqualify you for being mentally ill (according to two judges it does -- if you think these things can't be used or don't play against you they do. I've spent a life time falling through cracks).
It makes me feel defeated, and at times I think killing myself with a LONG through note will be the only way I'll be believed by everyone without question and anyone who didn't before will finally get -- oh yeah she was serious, her pain was real and what she endured was all real. I'd love to hear from other people, what your experience has been.
I get so tired, (to who it applies, definitely not everyone) friends, family and even providers expecting me to do what is beyond or would greatly push my limits. That would trigger me, make me burn out, cost me more on account of using more spoons than I have producing deficits (and episodes). Not entirely, but substantial reason for the lack of compassion and comprehension (aside from not having experiences to relate) is the invisibility or near invisibility of mental illnesses.
It also is deemed less important and grave. Psychological conditions are viewed as of the mind, therefore made up and equated to self created problems that do not deserve empathy and much attention as it is attention seeking, selfishness, a sign of poor or "bad" character, weak -- you fill in the blanks. We like to think as human beings we are invincible and unyieldingly resistant.
I'm not doubting or denying the endurance of the human spirit. That said I do think we are far more fragile than we care to admit. I think everything we go through is a trauma, it has an effect on the mind and body (evidence continues to confirm and reinforce this connection and links with ailments that form as a result such as inflammation, hormonal level imbalances, shrinking of brain matter, altered brain activity, cardiovascular disease, shortened life span, etc).
It's not a crutch (yes I realize for some it may be to a varying degree. To me that does not take away from the fact that they battle and have bona fide issues they deal with), but my reality. Arduous, relentless, tormenting and often enough, crushing. Circling back to how I started my post, be it a lack of motivation, executive dysfunction -- any symptoms that has impacted your ability to live, access skills or faculties -- anything, I would love to hear it all. And thank you for reading everything I wrote ❤
Yes there is such a thing as personal accountability, self reflection and doing your best. There also is the aspect of mental illness so many do not want to or seem to accept and grasp -- that it does impact a person and their life. For example, I was given goals to accomplish over the next two weeks, and while I have genuinely been working on them, I've been suffering and struggling so roughly.Such judgment comes when for instance a person with depression misses an appointment or doesn't get their household cleaning done, and yet I want to scream, "THAT'S THE DEPRESSION." I want to say, "do you think I like having stacks of dishes in and around my sink? Not showering but one a week or more? Being in so much emotional mental pain, staying in bed is the only comfort?"Mind you I am dealing with more than just depression. It just frustrates me how some base how hard you are trying without actually spending a prolonged period of time to see what your days are like. No one had ever fully understood what challenges I deal with unless they have lived with me (only a handful ever have), and attempting to replicate that for some understanding and empathy is not only unrealistic but ducking exhausting.I am so sick of essentially being gas lit, just because I carry myself with dignity, am intelligent, passably well groomed, articulate and have a sweet nature. As if these were qualities and traits somehow disqualify you for being mentally ill (according to two judges it does -- if you think these things can't be used or don't play against you they do. I've spent a life time falling through cracks).It makes me feel defeated, and at times I think killing myself with a LONG through note will be the only way I'll be believed by everyone without question and anyone who didn't before will finally get -- oh yeah she was serious, her pain was real and what she endured was all real. I'd love to hear from other people, what your experience has been.I get so tired, (to who it applies, definitely not everyone) friends, family and even providers expecting me to do what is beyond or would greatly push my limits. That would trigger me, make me burn out, cost me more on account of using more spoons than I have producing deficits (and episodes). Not entirely, but substantial reason for the lack of compassion and comprehension (aside from not having experiences to relate) is the invisibility or near invisibility of mental illnesses.It also is deemed less important and grave. Psychological conditions are viewed as of the mind, therefore made up and equated to self created problems that do not deserve empathy and much attention as it is attention seeking, selfishness, a sign of poor or "bad" character, weak -- you fill in the blanks. We like to think as human beings we are invincible and unyieldingly resistant.I'm not doubting or denying the endurance of the human spirit. That said I do think we are far more fragile than we care to admit. I think everything we go through is a trauma, it has an effect on the mind and body (evidence continues to confirm and reinforce this connection and links with ailments that form as a result such as inflammation, hormonal level imbalances, shrinking of brain matter, altered brain activity, cardiovascular disease, shortened life span, etc).It's not a crutch (yes I realize for some it may be to a varying degree. To me that does not take away from the fact that they battle and have bona fide issues they deal with), but my reality. Arduous, relentless, tormenting and often enough, crushing. Circling back to how I started my post, be it a lack of motivation, executive dysfunction -- any symptoms that has impacted your ability to live, access skills or faculties -- anything, I would love to hear it all. And thank you for reading everything I wrote ❤ https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/2MY5YB3
Comments
Post a Comment