I can’t take it anymore, my roommate does not take care of her hygiene. She smells and she bleeds everywhere and ignores it.
I can’t take it anymore. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. I really care for her but my roommate is driving me insane. I don’t know how I made it to this point without flipping out.
My roommate, I’ll call her Pam, smells. Very badly. Like constantly she stinks and has a very apparent bio.
She used to have this problem (that I won’t get into too much) where she would leave the toilet with blood and other residue on it. We had to confront her about it and it’s gotten a lot better.
We tried to bring up the smell when we confronted her, saying ‘there’s a smell in the house,’ and she said she thought it was the garbage outside. And we just completely skipped over the topic.
She has a lot of medical issues that cause her to have a very long period and cause her to gain a ton of weight. I personally have the same medical issue but definitely not as severe. It’s pcos which is a hormone imbalance. I have very different problems than she does.
I want to be sensitive to that when bringing it up but it’s also very apparent that she’s not taking care of herself at all, which makes it worse since she has those issues.
She also tends to get very triggered and almost ‘ black out,’ when it’s brought up or around the topic of it.
My roommates think I should talk to her one on one when they’re not home but I really am freaked out when she gets into that weird mindset. Because she is unlike herself. She brought it up once and asked me what i though the smell smelled like. And I didn’t really say anything. So she tried to convince me it was all of these other things. And I just tried to keep changing the subject but she kept bringing it up.
I’ve also had roommates in the past gang up on me and one ignored me until her boyfriend told me he wanted to talk to me and then he screamed at me calling me all of these horrible things. So needless to say I don’t want to do that but I also get extremely anxious with situations like this because it brings me back to that situation. Not to make it about me.
Has anyone ever dealt with something like this? There’s so much more to this than I can even say.
Whenever I come home the house smells like terrible because her room is right by the front door. Everyone notices who comes over. My friends don’t want to come hang out because of the smell but also because she talks so so so much, like makes everything about her all the time. She waits for people to come home to come out of her room and interact. I have to legit ignore and not look at her to have her not start talking at me for hours. It’s distracting cause we’re all in grad school and I feel like I can’t focus on my work for other reasons, this makes it so much harder. But like sometimes we do talk a lot because she has very interesting things to talk about and she’s genuinely a very sweet person!!
I’ve noticed her toiletries have not changed since we’ve moved in. I don’t think she showers regularly either.
I also have strong evidence that she does not use sanitary napkins or tampons if any kind. She’s told me she prefers paper towels.
She locks her door before she leaves and never wants anyone to go in. My roommates and I have had glimpses inside and it’s just trashed. I’ve seen drier blood on the floor and garbage everywhere.
Im really sad that she’s living like that. She’s truly a sweet and kind hearted person. Someone brought up that she might feel like she doesn’t deserve to take care of herself because she struggles with depression and ptsd like symptoms since she has an abusive alcoholic mom. Her dad is honestly awesome though. She’s told me about this so we’re close enough to be open with each other about mental illness and medical things and family issues.... but like this is the only thing I feel is extremely hard to bring up (her hygiene). But it’s getting so bad that I get sick just sitting in the living room because of the smell. Or when she wakes up she has digestive troubles and goes into the bathroom and walks back out and legit had to stop myself from throwing up because it smelled so bad. There’s a certain bit that she obviously can’t help, but there are obvious things that she is neglecting to do that she totally should do.
Maybe I’m just venting because I feel like I do just need to sit and have that difficult conversation with her, but I’m just so freaking nervous because I don’t want her to feel attacked or hurt. But I’m also afraid of how she’ll react. She says she ‘blacks out’ sometimes and can’t process what people say to her when that happens. So it’s like.... what do I do??? I can preface the conversation with how I think she’s a lovely person and that This is coming from a place of love because I’m concerned about her. Buuut I also need to tell her still that I’m planning on finding other living arrangements.
It’s really hard to because everyone in her program knows and is aware and won’t tell her. Apparently they’ve spoken to teachers about it because no one wants to sit next to her. They don’t know how to bring it up to her.
I also feel really bad because my roommates and I have been talking about it and I don’t want her to feel bullied or attacked. I’ve had my roommates all talk about me about things that really don’t affect them. This situation with Pam is definitely affecting all of us but I still want to be very cautious of her feelings.
Sorry I know this was rather disjointed and jumped around but I just wanted to explain the situation for what it is. Has anyone dealt with something like this? Please, Have any advice? I could really use some.
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