I (28F) have always easily deflected all baby-related questions directed at me with an easy “No thanks, never wanted babies” response until very very recently.
A little backstory about me in case it helps: my mother grew up in a very conventional southern household and got married straight out of college to a very safe and likeable gentleman her mother adored. She quickly realized, however, that she had more ambition to succeed as a businesswoman and no desire to pump out babies so ended up getting a divorce and severing ties with her parents in order to pursue her goal of financial independence. Fast forward 10 years or so and she is a top executive at a well-known education establishment, has married my strict-but-supportive father, and has given birth to me and my younger sister.
In a school-assigned interview, I discovered my mother never intended to have children and my father was actually the one who insisted. As a sort of deal, my father agreed to raise my sister and I, and my mother would continue to work as the sole breadwinner. I don’t know exactly when or where this dynamic began to breakdown, but my earliest memory of them fighting was when I was about 8. My mother, sister, and I had stayed up late to celebrate my dad’s birthday as he was out for some reason and I only recall him coming home livid, ignoring the balloons and cake we’d set up for him, raving about the fact that my mother had kept us up so late on a school night. It was the first time I had ever seen my strong, driven mother shed tears. I was young, but I was still aware enough to see it all deteriorate from there.
They fought over every little thing, ended up avoiding each other as much as possible, and my mother pretty much gave up any effort to be a part of my or my sister’s life in a backwards way to try and protect us from their marital discord. I suffered from intermittent bouts of depression but was lucky enough to have found an incredibly loving and loyal friend group, whereas my sister worked through her issues with outright rebellion and fleeting relationships. Fast forward another 10 years: my sister found an amazing guy in college who leveled her out, and she married him as soon as they graduated. She wanted babies immediately and it became an issue as he wasn’t quite ready and was also in the military at the mercy of deployment. I met my boyfriend around the time she got married but, having grown up partisan to an unhappy marriage, maintained that I would never want to marry or have kids as it was something I’d promised myself in high school. He was 100% understanding and supportive and, although somewhat disappointed at my antagonism toward marriage (his parents have been happily married for 27 years), voiced that he could not see himself ever wanting children either.
Fast forward to now: my sister is divorcing her husband. My parents came this close to divorce, worked through their issues in therapy, and are now closer than I ever remember them being as a child. I am 4 years deep in an unbelievably happy relationship. However, I don’t know if it’s just 28 year old woman hormones or what, but I have been having unrelenting thoughts about being pregnant. Just last night I dreamed that I found out I was pregnant with a little girl. In the dream, I told my boyfriend and he was ecstatic. Now I have an IUD, so I know it isn’t possible, but it is the first time I have EVER thought about pregnancy as anything other than a horrible life-ending obligation. SO, my question is, have any of you felt this way? Is this just a hormonal imbalance that will fade with time? How would/did you bring it up to your SO? I have always valued and enjoyed independence, able to change my schedule at a whim to pursue any activity I find interesting. Is it worth it to give up your chosen lifestyle for motherhood?
I’ve no idea how my boyfriend will respond once I bring this up, so I would love to hear what you all have to say about it first. Please let me know if any of you have had similar experiences and, if you don’t feel comfortable commenting, please please DM me.
TLDR: Never wanted kids. Had a weird childhood knowing my mom didn’t want kids. Kids seemed to ruin my parents relationship. Now having hormonal urges to have kids.
I (28F) have always easily deflected all baby-related questions directed at me with an easy “No thanks, never wanted babies” response until very very recently.A little backstory about me in case it helps: my mother grew up in a very conventional southern household and got married straight out of college to a very safe and likeable gentleman her mother adored. She quickly realized, however, that she had more ambition to succeed as a businesswoman and no desire to pump out babies so ended up getting a divorce and severing ties with her parents in order to pursue her goal of financial independence. Fast forward 10 years or so and she is a top executive at a well-known education establishment, has married my strict-but-supportive father, and has given birth to me and my younger sister.In a school-assigned interview, I discovered my mother never intended to have children and my father was actually the one who insisted. As a sort of deal, my father agreed to raise my sister and I, and my mother would continue to work as the sole breadwinner. I don’t know exactly when or where this dynamic began to breakdown, but my earliest memory of them fighting was when I was about 8. My mother, sister, and I had stayed up late to celebrate my dad’s birthday as he was out for some reason and I only recall him coming home livid, ignoring the balloons and cake we’d set up for him, raving about the fact that my mother had kept us up so late on a school night. It was the first time I had ever seen my strong, driven mother shed tears. I was young, but I was still aware enough to see it all deteriorate from there.They fought over every little thing, ended up avoiding each other as much as possible, and my mother pretty much gave up any effort to be a part of my or my sister’s life in a backwards way to try and protect us from their marital discord. I suffered from intermittent bouts of depression but was lucky enough to have found an incredibly loving and loyal friend group, whereas my sister worked through her issues with outright rebellion and fleeting relationships. Fast forward another 10 years: my sister found an amazing guy in college who leveled her out, and she married him as soon as they graduated. She wanted babies immediately and it became an issue as he wasn’t quite ready and was also in the military at the mercy of deployment. I met my boyfriend around the time she got married but, having grown up partisan to an unhappy marriage, maintained that I would never want to marry or have kids as it was something I’d promised myself in high school. He was 100% understanding and supportive and, although somewhat disappointed at my antagonism toward marriage (his parents have been happily married for 27 years), voiced that he could not see himself ever wanting children either.Fast forward to now: my sister is divorcing her husband. My parents came this close to divorce, worked through their issues in therapy, and are now closer than I ever remember them being as a child. I am 4 years deep in an unbelievably happy relationship. However, I don’t know if it’s just 28 year old woman hormones or what, but I have been having unrelenting thoughts about being pregnant. Just last night I dreamed that I found out I was pregnant with a little girl. In the dream, I told my boyfriend and he was ecstatic. Now I have an IUD, so I know it isn’t possible, but it is the first time I have EVER thought about pregnancy as anything other than a horrible life-ending obligation. SO, my question is, have any of you felt this way? Is this just a hormonal imbalance that will fade with time? How would/did you bring it up to your SO? I have always valued and enjoyed independence, able to change my schedule at a whim to pursue any activity I find interesting. Is it worth it to give up your chosen lifestyle for motherhood?I’ve no idea how my boyfriend will respond once I bring this up, so I would love to hear what you all have to say about it first. Please let me know if any of you have had similar experiences and, if you don’t feel comfortable commenting, please please DM me.TLDR: Never wanted kids. Had a weird childhood knowing my mom didn’t want kids. Kids seemed to ruin my parents relationship. Now having hormonal urges to have kids. https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/3dvlHD0
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