It was toxic, he ended it due to my behaviour. Met him at the worst time of my life, have a lot of regrets. It wasn't the case of no spark anymore or anything like that or at least I don't think so. A part of me thinks he thought he could do better. I got a little chubby around that time and he likes fit women.
It's been 9 months, when he dumped me I immediately went into NC. There was no argument, begging or pleading but it was a very formal and cold interaction. No closure either, I just pretended I was indifferent towards his decision and wished him good luck with his job. He reached out 2 weeks later to tell me he had been complementing his decision to end things and I didn't reply. I was hurt and trying to move on. He then removed me from all social media.
Neither of us have reached out from then, I feel mostly okay about it. Though after months of self-improvement and reflection, I have a lot of guilt about how I behaved. I played games, blew hot/cold, always thought he was going to dump me so tried to give him reasons to. I was so insecure.
A month after the breakup I went to the doctor and got blood work, turns out I had hormonal imbalance which was contributing to my low mood, anxiety and weight gain. I have resolved the issue and feel like a new person. Went hard in the gym, dropped all of the weight plus more. Also started therapy, working on my attachment issues etc.
Now, I don't want to reconnect in a romantic way but I really want to make amends and apologize. I would be open to being friends but more than anything, I want to clear the air. Can I do this while keeping my dignity intact? I tried to talk to him a few times (while together) to fix things between us. He didn't seem keen on trying to work past it which makes me think it was my appearance that was the bigger issue. It's hard because I'll never know. I can't help but to think he would have tried to fix things if I was at my best physically.
He done a lot of bad things too, but I have forgiven him in my head. I don't need an apology from him. I wish I could think the same in terms of myself but it's a struggle. I'm unsure on how to proceed.
It was toxic, he ended it due to my behaviour. Met him at the worst time of my life, have a lot of regrets. It wasn't the case of no spark anymore or anything like that or at least I don't think so. A part of me thinks he thought he could do better. I got a little chubby around that time and he likes fit women.It's been 9 months, when he dumped me I immediately went into NC. There was no argument, begging or pleading but it was a very formal and cold interaction. No closure either, I just pretended I was indifferent towards his decision and wished him good luck with his job. He reached out 2 weeks later to tell me he had been complementing his decision to end things and I didn't reply. I was hurt and trying to move on. He then removed me from all social media.Neither of us have reached out from then, I feel mostly okay about it. Though after months of self-improvement and reflection, I have a lot of guilt about how I behaved. I played games, blew hot/cold, always thought he was going to dump me so tried to give him reasons to. I was so insecure.A month after the breakup I went to the doctor and got blood work, turns out I had hormonal imbalance which was contributing to my low mood, anxiety and weight gain. I have resolved the issue and feel like a new person. Went hard in the gym, dropped all of the weight plus more. Also started therapy, working on my attachment issues etc.Now, I don't want to reconnect in a romantic way but I really want to make amends and apologize. I would be open to being friends but more than anything, I want to clear the air. Can I do this while keeping my dignity intact? I tried to talk to him a few times (while together) to fix things between us. He didn't seem keen on trying to work past it which makes me think it was my appearance that was the bigger issue. It's hard because I'll never know. I can't help but to think he would have tried to fix things if I was at my best physically.He done a lot of bad things too, but I have forgiven him in my head. I don't need an apology from him. I wish I could think the same in terms of myself but it's a struggle. I'm unsure on how to proceed. https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/3ay3l2s
Comments
Post a Comment