GHB, GBL, 1,4-BDO - My uncommon hellish experiences with them, except for one batch of GHB, probably due to impurities? Would appreciate insight.
I am trying to figure out what is happening to my body. I couldn't find any similar anecdotes to mine so I thought this could be a hopefully helpful post. Although I pray nobody else experiences this.
I will start with the benefits that made me try my luck over and over again with these substances. I suffer from cPTSD and treat it in part with MDMA therapy but as that's only safe to do once in a while and I still suffer despite good improvements, I looked for something to use in the meantime. GHB sounded great on the paper and some people even recommended it for PTSD and that one good batch I had really was great.
It helped me get back to normal when I got triggered and "froze", i.e. my muscles get tense, my body is uncomfortable, my mind fixated on the trigger which can all last even into another day. GHB makes me "unfreeze" thus greatly improving my quality of life. It also helps me face my triggers without the fear of getting "frozen" again so if I could find a vendor with pure stuff again, it would be a great form of exposure therapy. It also somehow makes me reconnect to the memories and feelings from the time I wasn't traumatised, making me believe life could be good again. It makes me more emotionally fluid and not stuck in fear etc. without numbing me like benzos. It also helps me bond better with my close ones who I don't really trust on the emotional level, although I do on the rational level. I just usually don't feel completely safe with anyone, so GHB helps with this too. Another big benefit is sex, my libido is usually nonexistent and this is apart from phenibut the only thing that allows me to enjoy it somewhat. It also helps to fix my sleeping issues much more effectively than the prescription sleeping pills. The therapeutic benefits were really numerous, it's so sad it's been also the worst drug I ever used.
Now, concerning the bad things. I ordered four different batches, only one (GHB) was without side effects, sadly they only ship to a country where I am not staying any more. The rest was just wasted money and health which I hope I didn't permanently damage...
My first order was GBL as I prefer to use the legal alternatives if they are available but after my second night dosing it, responsibly, at least 1,5 hour apart in medium doses (according to psychonaut.wiki) of 1.2ml, I ended up with what sounded quite like withdrawal effects but everyone said this could happen only after dosing 24/7 for weeks, if not months. I had uncomfortable tingling in my legs, hands, even my facial muscles twitched sometimes. I could only sleep with the help of benzos, that was the only thing that made my legs not feel like there was an electric storm. I then learnt this was probably actually another storm, a "glutamate storm" and that it could cause nerve death. I was really anxious in this state so of course I thought I permanently damaged myself and my legs would always hurt (my hands stopped hurting after a day, but legs improved much more slowly). This was also the worst depressive episode of my life and that's saying a lot. This hell on Earth lasted for 3 or 4 days until I thought phenibut could help as it would increase my GABA and reduce glutamate. I took a therapeutic dose of just about 350mg as I was worried more could be a shock for the body and I was probably right. As phenibut started to kick in after like 2 hours, it felt as if my hormones were battling. I had the longest and worst panic attack in my life for 2 hours. Before I only had them on MDMA on the come-up but those were just a few minutes long. Only after I googled differences between panic attacks and seizures did I calm down a bit, although my body didn't. I genuinely believed I would die and almost decided to get to the hospital. After the panic attack, I felt much better. But I had a presentation at uni next day and waiting for it in the classroom made me panic again, I don't know how, but luckily during the presentation, I was completely calm. And after that it seemed to be fixed. The symptoms didn't return after taking phenibut so in case someone has the bad luck to experience this, phenibut may be a godsend. Benzos fixed the issues only temporarily and partially.
However, I was soon feeling really bad again (due to cPTSD) and I thought the most probable reason of these symptoms was that I overdid it despite using moderate doses. I thought I was probably just sensitive to it and I started to use doses of 0.7ml, mostly just once a day and everything was fine except I pooped more often than usually, but no diarrhoea. But then I had a really stressful day once but I was travelling so I really wanted to enjoy it so I dosed multiple times again, only 3 or 4 though. But next day, I felt depressed again. Nothing as bad as the first time but still horrible. I then used it only once a day again for a few times without problems but the last time I felt depressed even after a single dose of tiny 0.5ml... This was the moment I decided to finally give up, this substance was too unpredictable for me. At that time I had a hypothesis that as it's corrosive, it was destroying my gut microbiome, thus causing depression. And as gut content is variable, that could be why it was fine to sometimes use doses of over 1ml and be ok, yet taking half of it wasn't. I couldn't think of any other reason and nobody on the internet reported this...
My 1,4-bdo story is short. I bought what was advertised as high purity product as I read the industrial products could contain heavy metals. Sadly, this probably applied to my product too. I had similar tingling sensations and felt slightly depressed after one dose so I decided not to take this crap again and immediately after I took phenibut to get rid of the side effects and it worked again.
Then I decided to only use GHB but I had to order from a different vendor. I mentioned my issues in the past and asked about their making process which seemed legit, e.g. not making it from industrial GBL that could also have heavy metals. Sadly, their product seems unsafe too. The side effects were milder but even more numerous: slight nausea after ingestion, slight headache after drug wears off, slight shaking of the body and what was most disturbing, confusion (I also have ADHD so I'm used to having a hyperactive mind all the time and great memory, not feeling confused and unable to recall things so that made me panic a bit). Like before, I also had tingling in my hands and feet, luckily not that uncomfortable. No depression but worse mood and notably elevated anxiety levels. I also felt like my cognitive abilities were impaired, maybe due to low-key depression that ensued.
As for my questions:
1) Are these issues most likely caused by heavy metals? Other impurities?
2) If so, why are not such issues more commonly reported? Am I for some reason more sensitive to such impurities?
3) Could this be a bodily imbalance of electrolytes? My solution was made with NaOH and I read somewhere this also causes issues. But this wouldn't apply to the corrosive GBL and 1,4bdo, could they severely damage gut microbiome and cause depression this way?
4) In a few studies it's said GHB is more neurotoxic in low dosages, could this be relevant? Especially since I sometimes felt worse after a smaller dose wore off. Sadly, I didn't find what they mean by low dosages in grams and didn't understand the reasons why it was more neurotoxic.
Thanks a lot in advance, your answers could help me a great deal!
TL,DR: These substances caused for me a wide variety of side-effects, most notably uncomfortable tingling and muscle twitching in legs, hands and facial muscles. After GBL and 1,4bdo wore off, I felt depressed and more anxious. Three days after GBL were among the worst in my life, I had the most severe depression and a 2-hour long panic attack and was unable to sleep due to the pain in my legs. GHB was without issues but then I had to buy from another vendor and this batch is troublesome again, giving me milder, but even more side effects; the new include confusion, slight body shaking, headache, nausea and decrease in cognitive function, the last one even after the drug wears off. Please see the questions above.
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