I want to clarify that my CPTSD is not due to any sort of physical or sexual abuse, but possibly form minor to moderate emotional neglect from a depressed mother and my dad was also a mentally ill erratic addict type, that produced more anxiety in my childhood, like he would drive drunk with my in the car and just generally be a bit unnerving while on drugs or drink, but was never violent. I guess my parents had a kind of on and off relationship, with my mum being in love on one side and my dad constantly cheating ect, they would constantly argue and I don’t know if that would effect me ? But basically for a long time I’ve been really devoid of romantic and most of the time sexual feelings. I guess I had one major crush kind of but I think it was really a sort of mania thing, but I guess I kind of did as a child. I have to really push myself to feel romantic feelings and most of the time they feel pretty in-genuine as I can on and off someone by choice really. The thought of pda or giving affection at all makes me feel a bit sick and the it’s the same with sex. It’s really interfering with my life as I do want to feel romantic feelings ect but it just hardly happens. Although I don’t know if it would also be an explanation but one side of my family is pretty catholic and my grandmothers internalised misogyny effected me quite abit as she’d ban me from wearing anything that showed too much skin at the ages of 11,12 ish, I was also quite insecure at one point and psychiatrist and many people I know think I have autism although I don’t think I do as I can understand people’s feelings perfectly well and relate to them. I’m thinking it’s either this or a hormonal imbalance? I do and can feel sexually and romantically attracted to other though, like even if a model or someone I really liked came on to me I’d definitely lowkey feel a bit sick.
I want to clarify that my CPTSD is not due to any sort of physical or sexual abuse, but possibly form minor to moderate emotional neglect from a depressed mother and my dad was also a mentally ill erratic addict type, that produced more anxiety in my childhood, like he would drive drunk with my in the car and just generally be a bit unnerving while on drugs or drink, but was never violent. I guess my parents had a kind of on and off relationship, with my mum being in love on one side and my dad constantly cheating ect, they would constantly argue and I don’t know if that would effect me ? But basically for a long time I’ve been really devoid of romantic and most of the time sexual feelings. I guess I had one major crush kind of but I think it was really a sort of mania thing, but I guess I kind of did as a child. I have to really push myself to feel romantic feelings and most of the time they feel pretty in-genuine as I can on and off someone by choice really. The thought of pda or giving affection at all makes me feel a bit sick and the it’s the same with sex. It’s really interfering with my life as I do want to feel romantic feelings ect but it just hardly happens. Although I don’t know if it would also be an explanation but one side of my family is pretty catholic and my grandmothers internalised misogyny effected me quite abit as she’d ban me from wearing anything that showed too much skin at the ages of 11,12 ish, I was also quite insecure at one point and psychiatrist and many people I know think I have autism although I don’t think I do as I can understand people’s feelings perfectly well and relate to them. I’m thinking it’s either this or a hormonal imbalance? I do and can feel sexually and romantically attracted to other though, like even if a model or someone I really liked came on to me I’d definitely lowkey feel a bit sick. https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/34K0L90
Comments
Post a Comment