Hello, this is my first post on this sub, but I find myself sometimes lurking on this sub to get a better understanding of sex, etc. As you noticed in the title, i am a 17 year old girl. Idk how to start this really, I just have a lot of questions and I'm not really sure where else to ask them. Responses would be appreciated. I would like to preface this in saying I am very sexually awkward so do expect that I may speak a little euphemistically.
context (I rambled a lot, I'm sorry):
So, I am perhaps, a bit "behind" for my age. I don't necessarily think there is a right age to start engaging in romance and such, but I have never done anything, I've never even flirted with someone. I think I just am a late bloomer or something. I recently had a bit of, maybe a hormonal shift? And have found myself developing more of a curiosity for such things. Even though I've gotten a lot of sex ed classes, i was never really able to even conceptualize the process of sex until i was like 16. I only really dabbled in reading suggestive fanfiction from ages 14 to 16, though honestly I didn't really understand it. I also sometimes would look up like nude scenes in movies and stuff but that was sparingly, I didn't feel like I gained anything from that. I have just always been a bit behind in that regard, and because of that, I have developed a very, i guess, "innocent" reputation amongst friends and family. I used to feel super disinterested in romance and sexuality, and because most of my peers were a bit ahead of me in this way, my disinterest became very pronounced and noticeable, so now it is something people are very aware of about me. I was very modest and very uncomfortable with anything suggestive in any realm. I would cover my eyes when a shirtless guy or a girl in a bra would be on screen, i would be disgusted by makeout scenes or anything. I honestly didn't understand euphemisms and things so I would always be confused when my friends and peers talked about sexual things. My friends really care about me, so they would take it upon themselves to protect me from having to engage in suggestive discussions. I honestly wonder if I actually am a late bloomer or if this is some trauma i carry, because I was so intense about avoiding anything mature. I don't even swear, I'm was and am still a bit uncomfortable with the idea of maturity. After reflecting a bit, I wonder if it could be because I was bullied for many, many years, and feel like my childhood was stolen? So maybe I long for that? I'm not quite sure.
But, with time, I do think I've grown out of that a bit. I think mostly being in quarantine has given me time to understand myself a bit better. It's been like 8 months and I've turned seventeen in the process. Plus, I'm bored and I never see anyone (I'm very paranoid about getting sick/getting others sick), so I feel like maybe this has been just a way to pass the time? I started by reading more fanfiction that was more risque, I guess. I also started researching sex a lot, so I could understand the terminology and generally just female anatomy. My school did educate us a lot on this, since I live in a more liberal area, however, they didn't really cover the emotional/responsive side of sex, just the general process (like, they didn't teach us what "getting wet" means and stuff like that). I then started reading hentai manga (i couldn't dare to watch real people), and then i tried watching porn, but honestly it made me a little uncomfortable because I heard porn can involve sex trafficking and stuff and it just felt too morally ambiguous. I then tried masturbating recently, I wasn't really sure how to go about it. I did some research, I would read fanfiction to get myself a bit...excited (?)...and then I tried stimulating the...um...region, and that was effective sometimes, but not always and I tried inserting my fingers, but I have annoyingly small hands so it wasn't really effective either. I (very carefully) sanitized a pen I own and tried inserting that, but idk, it just felt numb. Like, nothing really feels impactful in that regard, and I've never actually reached a climax or anything using any of those methods. I only really feel a need to do this about 1-2 weeks before my period each month, which was an urge I only started feeling these past, maybe 5 months (I didn't start masturbating until like a month ago).
I think I do feel a lot of sexual repression. I am very scared to like "impurify" myself. This is strange because I never really learned this behavior, and when I defamiliarize myself I know it is weird. I used to feel super guilty for my urges, now slightly less so, but I still feel like if I do too much when I lose my virginity it won't be "special" anymore, or that I will have seen too much, idk (I know this is irrational, it's just a reflexive thought I have). My parents aren't really weird or anything. My mom is very honest and sex-positive, she's never asked me anything, but I am sure she is comfortable about sex, the most I've ever told her are the people I have crushes on. I do know she used to watch "sex in the city" a lot in front of me while I was a little kid, did that traumatize me? Though, I do think I was somehow more sex positive when I was younger, so maybe it was a good thing?
My dad is probably more awkward than I am, but he's not shaming or anything, just very very awkward. Like, when I was younger, like 14 or sth, I wouldn't understand a euphemism in a show, and my dad would just be like "uh.....it's inappropriate" while my mom would yell at him and then actually explain it to me (but somehow I blocked out all of her explanations?). My extended family on my dad's side is honestly pretty sexist and tend to push me and the other women in the family into a submissive role (cooking, cleaning, staying silent), but it's not super impactful because I see them like once a year and my mom is always telling me not to listen to them and that it's all bs.
I'm really not sure where my repression came from, but I just feel very dirty when I have urges (btw I'm also not religious so that's not a factor). I also kinda feel like I'm not a child anymore, which I hate because I really don't feel like an adult. I feel so awkward like going and sitting at dinner after reading a smut fanfiction, I feel gross and I'm scared that my parents can read my mind or something. I also feel guilty detaching from my character of innocence. I feel like I've been so consistently this way that my friends will judge me if I act differently. Especially because even though my friends are educated on the matter, almost none of us are sexually experienced or talk about our urges.
As for like, engaging in romantic and sexual activity, as I said, I've never done it. Partially out of repulsion initially, but later, as I did find myself becoming more curious, I think it is just that I've never had anyone to be romantic with. I am very very socially awkward, I have no idea what flirting even is, and I am mixed at a pwi, so I'm a bit of a minority and I feel like less people are attracted to me. I look white but I have a very curvy, thick body type, which I feel like is less appealing to the people at my school who are all white and thin. I have had some crushes, Idk if they were reciprocated (especially because i literally cannot discern what flirting is). I would not want to engage in sexual activity with a random person, I greatly value emotional intimacy and would probably need a very long time to build trust before being physically intimate.
Here are all of my questions and confusions:
- Am I traumatized or am I just a late bloomer? Obviously, none of you will be able to know completely, but based on what I've told you, what do you suspect?
- How can I get this sense of repression and guilt to go away? Can I still consider myself youthful even if I engage in more "adult" activities?
- Do you have any advice for masturbation? I know it is not recommended to use random objects to masturbate, however, I do not think I have the courage to ask for nor use a vibrator, plus I live in a teeny apartment and I'm concerned my parents or neighbors could hear me. Are there any objects I could use instead? If so, how can I make sure they're clean? I feel like my threshold for what I can put in is also very small, as I said, I have small hands, I can put 2 fingers in maximum, and my fingers are below average in size. I cannot tell whether they are not satisfying because they are too short, or because I am numbed, I am confused.
- This is a bit random, but I am also super super confused about my sexual orientation:
- I find biological guys very attractive, but really only from the waist up (I look up shirtless images and find them attractive, but everything else makes me uncomfortable). I cannot look at male genitalia, it kind of grosses me out, I only see how it could be appealing in terms of actions, but not visuals. I also find the lack of visible hips strangely jarring. Is this response normal? When I cultivate a sense of emotional intimacy with a guy will this slight disgust go away?
- I find everything visually about biological girls' bodies very attractive and exciting (?), however, I cannot imagine engaging in sexual activity with them, or having longterm relationships, I more just like looking at them.
- I am not really sure about non-binary people, but I think I have found some non-binary people attractive. And I am not sure about binary trans people either, but I think I have found some binary trans people attractive
- I have a much, much easier time finding guys attractive in a sexual tone, while I have much more specific type for girls, and any other appreciation of them is more admiration-based and fleeting.
- I have so far had 2 serious crushes on guys and 1 serious crush on a girl.
- In sexual relationships, do you have to have a dom/sub dynamic? I hate the concept of someone being in charge of me, but I know for certain that I do not have the emotional threshold to be in charge of someone else. Will there always be a slight imbalance? I'm a bit sensitive, and do not think I could 1) have someone be degrading to me or make rules and stuff and 2) make rules or be degrading. So, does it matter? Is this based on like top/bottom or something? I just don't understand this concept.
- Do I have to shave or wax my lower region? Because of my ethnicity I am on the hairier side, I shaved once 1.5 years ago and absolutely hated the experience, the process was uncomfortable and the end results were very uncomfortable too. I have heard waxing can be harmful to the skin, as well as shaving, and personally I don't care about how it looks, but I have an ingrained insecurity about it in regard to other people's reactions. Are people bothered by hairiness in that region?
- How do you not feel insecure/exposed during sex? For example, I have a few things I am insecure about: hip dips, stretch marks, body hair, fat/cellulite, and skin color variation, how do you get over that?
- If you are curvy/larger, has that been an issue in your sex life, relationships, etc?
- How do you even know if someone is attracted to you? I cannot tell, like there have been times where I wondered but I could never figure it out. How do you express attraction without acting creepily?
- Is it normal to want to wait a significant amount of time in a relationship to have sex (I would probably want to wait like 9 months to a year)?
- Do you develop kinks and such? I am not really sure what differentiates a kink from typical sex, and I find the kinks I have heard of, like roleplay, bdsm, voyeurism, etc to be very unappealing. So, do you develop them or do you just innately have them?
- How do you not judge yourself for being intimate with yourself or others or taking risks sexually?
- What is the best process to insure to almost 100% that one is having safe sex?
- How do you say no to someone without hurting their feelings?
I think these are all of my questions, sorry this was so so long, I understand if no one reads this. I understand also if my questions are too specific or difficult to answer. Thank you, have a nice day.
-Rosa
Hello, this is my first post on this sub, but I find myself sometimes lurking on this sub to get a better understanding of sex, etc. As you noticed in the title, i am a 17 year old girl. Idk how to start this really, I just have a lot of questions and I'm not really sure where else to ask them. Responses would be appreciated. I would like to preface this in saying I am very sexually awkward so do expect that I may speak a little euphemistically.context (I rambled a lot, I'm sorry):So, I am perhaps, a bit "behind" for my age. I don't necessarily think there is a right age to start engaging in romance and such, but I have never done anything, I've never even flirted with someone. I think I just am a late bloomer or something. I recently had a bit of, maybe a hormonal shift? And have found myself developing more of a curiosity for such things. Even though I've gotten a lot of sex ed classes, i was never really able to even conceptualize the process of sex until i was like 16. I only really dabbled in reading suggestive fanfiction from ages 14 to 16, though honestly I didn't really understand it. I also sometimes would look up like nude scenes in movies and stuff but that was sparingly, I didn't feel like I gained anything from that. I have just always been a bit behind in that regard, and because of that, I have developed a very, i guess, "innocent" reputation amongst friends and family. I used to feel super disinterested in romance and sexuality, and because most of my peers were a bit ahead of me in this way, my disinterest became very pronounced and noticeable, so now it is something people are very aware of about me. I was very modest and very uncomfortable with anything suggestive in any realm. I would cover my eyes when a shirtless guy or a girl in a bra would be on screen, i would be disgusted by makeout scenes or anything. I honestly didn't understand euphemisms and things so I would always be confused when my friends and peers talked about sexual things. My friends really care about me, so they would take it upon themselves to protect me from having to engage in suggestive discussions. I honestly wonder if I actually am a late bloomer or if this is some trauma i carry, because I was so intense about avoiding anything mature. I don't even swear, I'm was and am still a bit uncomfortable with the idea of maturity. After reflecting a bit, I wonder if it could be because I was bullied for many, many years, and feel like my childhood was stolen? So maybe I long for that? I'm not quite sure.But, with time, I do think I've grown out of that a bit. I think mostly being in quarantine has given me time to understand myself a bit better. It's been like 8 months and I've turned seventeen in the process. Plus, I'm bored and I never see anyone (I'm very paranoid about getting sick/getting others sick), so I feel like maybe this has been just a way to pass the time? I started by reading more fanfiction that was more risque, I guess. I also started researching sex a lot, so I could understand the terminology and generally just female anatomy. My school did educate us a lot on this, since I live in a more liberal area, however, they didn't really cover the emotional/responsive side of sex, just the general process (like, they didn't teach us what "getting wet" means and stuff like that). I then started reading hentai manga (i couldn't dare to watch real people), and then i tried watching porn, but honestly it made me a little uncomfortable because I heard porn can involve sex trafficking and stuff and it just felt too morally ambiguous. I then tried masturbating recently, I wasn't really sure how to go about it. I did some research, I would read fanfiction to get myself a bit...excited (?)...and then I tried stimulating the...um...region, and that was effective sometimes, but not always and I tried inserting my fingers, but I have annoyingly small hands so it wasn't really effective either. I (very carefully) sanitized a pen I own and tried inserting that, but idk, it just felt numb. Like, nothing really feels impactful in that regard, and I've never actually reached a climax or anything using any of those methods. I only really feel a need to do this about 1-2 weeks before my period each month, which was an urge I only started feeling these past, maybe 5 months (I didn't start masturbating until like a month ago).I think I do feel a lot of sexual repression. I am very scared to like "impurify" myself. This is strange because I never really learned this behavior, and when I defamiliarize myself I know it is weird. I used to feel super guilty for my urges, now slightly less so, but I still feel like if I do too much when I lose my virginity it won't be "special" anymore, or that I will have seen too much, idk (I know this is irrational, it's just a reflexive thought I have). My parents aren't really weird or anything. My mom is very honest and sex-positive, she's never asked me anything, but I am sure she is comfortable about sex, the most I've ever told her are the people I have crushes on. I do know she used to watch "sex in the city" a lot in front of me while I was a little kid, did that traumatize me? Though, I do think I was somehow more sex positive when I was younger, so maybe it was a good thing?My dad is probably more awkward than I am, but he's not shaming or anything, just very very awkward. Like, when I was younger, like 14 or sth, I wouldn't understand a euphemism in a show, and my dad would just be like "uh.....it's inappropriate" while my mom would yell at him and then actually explain it to me (but somehow I blocked out all of her explanations?). My extended family on my dad's side is honestly pretty sexist and tend to push me and the other women in the family into a submissive role (cooking, cleaning, staying silent), but it's not super impactful because I see them like once a year and my mom is always telling me not to listen to them and that it's all bs.I'm really not sure where my repression came from, but I just feel very dirty when I have urges (btw I'm also not religious so that's not a factor). I also kinda feel like I'm not a child anymore, which I hate because I really don't feel like an adult. I feel so awkward like going and sitting at dinner after reading a smut fanfiction, I feel gross and I'm scared that my parents can read my mind or something. I also feel guilty detaching from my character of innocence. I feel like I've been so consistently this way that my friends will judge me if I act differently. Especially because even though my friends are educated on the matter, almost none of us are sexually experienced or talk about our urges.As for like, engaging in romantic and sexual activity, as I said, I've never done it. Partially out of repulsion initially, but later, as I did find myself becoming more curious, I think it is just that I've never had anyone to be romantic with. I am very very socially awkward, I have no idea what flirting even is, and I am mixed at a pwi, so I'm a bit of a minority and I feel like less people are attracted to me. I look white but I have a very curvy, thick body type, which I feel like is less appealing to the people at my school who are all white and thin. I have had some crushes, Idk if they were reciprocated (especially because i literally cannot discern what flirting is). I would not want to engage in sexual activity with a random person, I greatly value emotional intimacy and would probably need a very long time to build trust before being physically intimate.Here are all of my questions and confusions:Am I traumatized or am I just a late bloomer? Obviously, none of you will be able to know completely, but based on what I've told you, what do you suspect?How can I get this sense of repression and guilt to go away? Can I still consider myself youthful even if I engage in more "adult" activities?Do you have any advice for masturbation? I know it is not recommended to use random objects to masturbate, however, I do not think I have the courage to ask for nor use a vibrator, plus I live in a teeny apartment and I'm concerned my parents or neighbors could hear me. Are there any objects I could use instead? If so, how can I make sure they're clean? I feel like my threshold for what I can put in is also very small, as I said, I have small hands, I can put 2 fingers in maximum, and my fingers are below average in size. I cannot tell whether they are not satisfying because they are too short, or because I am numbed, I am confused.This is a bit random, but I am also super super confused about my sexual orientation:I find biological guys very attractive, but really only from the waist up (I look up shirtless images and find them attractive, but everything else makes me uncomfortable). I cannot look at male genitalia, it kind of grosses me out, I only see how it could be appealing in terms of actions, but not visuals. I also find the lack of visible hips strangely jarring. Is this response normal? When I cultivate a sense of emotional intimacy with a guy will this slight disgust go away?I find everything visually about biological girls' bodies very attractive and exciting (?), however, I cannot imagine engaging in sexual activity with them, or having longterm relationships, I more just like looking at them.I am not really sure about non-binary people, but I think I have found some non-binary people attractive. And I am not sure about binary trans people either, but I think I have found some binary trans people attractiveI have a much, much easier time finding guys attractive in a sexual tone, while I have much more specific type for girls, and any other appreciation of them is more admiration-based and fleeting.I have so far had 2 serious crushes on guys and 1 serious crush on a girl.In sexual relationships, do you have to have a dom/sub dynamic? I hate the concept of someone being in charge of me, but I know for certain that I do not have the emotional threshold to be in charge of someone else. Will there always be a slight imbalance? I'm a bit sensitive, and do not think I could 1) have someone be degrading to me or make rules and stuff and 2) make rules or be degrading. So, does it matter? Is this based on like top/bottom or something? I just don't understand this concept.Do I have to shave or wax my lower region? Because of my ethnicity I am on the hairier side, I shaved once 1.5 years ago and absolutely hated the experience, the process was uncomfortable and the end results were very uncomfortable too. I have heard waxing can be harmful to the skin, as well as shaving, and personally I don't care about how it looks, but I have an ingrained insecurity about it in regard to other people's reactions. Are people bothered by hairiness in that region?How do you not feel insecure/exposed during sex? For example, I have a few things I am insecure about: hip dips, stretch marks, body hair, fat/cellulite, and skin color variation, how do you get over that?If you are curvy/larger, has that been an issue in your sex life, relationships, etc?How do you even know if someone is attracted to you? I cannot tell, like there have been times where I wondered but I could never figure it out. How do you express attraction without acting creepily?Is it normal to want to wait a significant amount of time in a relationship to have sex (I would probably want to wait like 9 months to a year)?Do you develop kinks and such? I am not really sure what differentiates a kink from typical sex, and I find the kinks I have heard of, like roleplay, bdsm, voyeurism, etc to be very unappealing. So, do you develop them or do you just innately have them?How do you not judge yourself for being intimate with yourself or others or taking risks sexually?What is the best process to insure to almost 100% that one is having safe sex?How do you say no to someone without hurting their feelings?I think these are all of my questions, sorry this was so so long, I understand if no one reads this. I understand also if my questions are too specific or difficult to answer. Thank you, have a nice day.-Rosa https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/3lhRoCE
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