This is long, but the details are kinda important.
At the beginning of my (32F)relationship I knew my partner (33M) had full dentures and I was ok with it... on paper, that is. When I saw him without them several times it was really awkward as my brain did a little bit of a "wtf" thing where I felt incredibly uncomfortable, almost scared. Since the fact that it bothered me, well, bothered me, especially since it's not his fault (it's genetic, not due to bad hygiene or drugs or anything), and I have pretty shitty teeth myself (part genetics, part hormonal imbalance, part drinking too much diet soda and coffee), I made it a top priority to get over it. We've been sleeping in the same bed (he was my roommate before our relationship so we already lived together), something I started doing in order to get over this uncomfortableness and get used to the fact that he doesn't have teeth. And that helped a lot, to the point where it felt normal... I thought.
Last night we were starting to get intimate and he decides that in order to do stuff involving his mouth to me, that it will be easier without his teeth in (which, yeah, I get that 110%), something he'd never done before. And suddenly I felt weirded out again. I tried to act like I wasn't (because I didn't want him to feel bad) but apparently it was super obvious, because he asked if I was ok, and even after I said I was, he stopped and told me that I had a look of terror on my face; needless to say that killed the mood. I already know I'm a terrible liar-- I try not to very often except when it's to spare someone's feelings, like I was doing at that moment. Unfortunately this complicates situations like this where I could just play it off like everything's good (because objectively speaking, it IS, there's nothing weird about this), since I don't judge him for not having teeth, I get it and I thought I had accepted it. I have accepted it in theory, however my brain has decided to actively try to fuck me over by triggering all my anxiety/discomfort receptors at the worst possible time. He tells me he has had women leave him after a few dates when they find out, and that it might be a dealbreaker if I have a legit phobia. The problem is, I've fallen in love with him by now, as he's incredibly sweet, and I DON'T think of this as a dealbreaker on paper and I don't WANT to have a phobia (one that I literally only found out I had when we started our relationship). After a talk we tried again but at this point I wasn't into it; I felt frozen and like I was only half there because of shame, guilt, shock, confusion, and grief (the last one because I realized I found something that could end us when I saw no end in sight just 24 hours ago).
This morning he was over it but I'm so confused and so lost. I've cried 5 times today and want to die. We're almost 4 months in and I thought this could be something serious, but I am now realizing that I might ruin everything because, what if he's right, what if this is a phobia and not something I can get over? This, by the way, is after 2 years of close friendship that preceeded the relationship, and so I've known about him having fake teeth for 2.5 years, and if our relationship ends this way, I don't see how we could possibly be friends anymore either. Basically, my recently discovered phobia of dentures/no teeth is going to ruin not only one of only 2 serious relationships I've had in my life (at 32) and I lose my best friend and roommate who helped me get through this pandemic so far. At the same time, my inability to accept him for who he is makes me think he deserves better than me.
So Reddit, what do I do that doesn't involve breaking up? I am literally willing to do ANYTHING to get over this and to make my brain stop fucking up one of the only good things that's happened to me in the past few years.
TL; DR I have a phobia of dentures/no teeth that I want to get rid of, since my bf wears dentures and had all his teeth pulled years ago. I didn't know I had said phobia until we got together and thought I was over it until we tried to have sex without his teeth in and I unintentionally freaked out. Now I want to correct this rather than break up because I care for him and can't imagine him not being in my life because I'm totally ok with that theoretically, only my brain's trying to fuck me over by making me feel uncomfortable.
Edit: forgot to include age/sex
This is long, but the details are kinda important.At the beginning of my (32F)relationship I knew my partner (33M) had full dentures and I was ok with it... on paper, that is. When I saw him without them several times it was really awkward as my brain did a little bit of a "wtf" thing where I felt incredibly uncomfortable, almost scared. Since the fact that it bothered me, well, bothered me, especially since it's not his fault (it's genetic, not due to bad hygiene or drugs or anything), and I have pretty shitty teeth myself (part genetics, part hormonal imbalance, part drinking too much diet soda and coffee), I made it a top priority to get over it. We've been sleeping in the same bed (he was my roommate before our relationship so we already lived together), something I started doing in order to get over this uncomfortableness and get used to the fact that he doesn't have teeth. And that helped a lot, to the point where it felt normal... I thought.Last night we were starting to get intimate and he decides that in order to do stuff involving his mouth to me, that it will be easier without his teeth in (which, yeah, I get that 110%), something he'd never done before. And suddenly I felt weirded out again. I tried to act like I wasn't (because I didn't want him to feel bad) but apparently it was super obvious, because he asked if I was ok, and even after I said I was, he stopped and told me that I had a look of terror on my face; needless to say that killed the mood. I already know I'm a terrible liar-- I try not to very often except when it's to spare someone's feelings, like I was doing at that moment. Unfortunately this complicates situations like this where I could just play it off like everything's good (because objectively speaking, it IS, there's nothing weird about this), since I don't judge him for not having teeth, I get it and I thought I had accepted it. I have accepted it in theory, however my brain has decided to actively try to fuck me over by triggering all my anxiety/discomfort receptors at the worst possible time. He tells me he has had women leave him after a few dates when they find out, and that it might be a dealbreaker if I have a legit phobia. The problem is, I've fallen in love with him by now, as he's incredibly sweet, and I DON'T think of this as a dealbreaker on paper and I don't WANT to have a phobia (one that I literally only found out I had when we started our relationship). After a talk we tried again but at this point I wasn't into it; I felt frozen and like I was only half there because of shame, guilt, shock, confusion, and grief (the last one because I realized I found something that could end us when I saw no end in sight just 24 hours ago).This morning he was over it but I'm so confused and so lost. I've cried 5 times today and want to die. We're almost 4 months in and I thought this could be something serious, but I am now realizing that I might ruin everything because, what if he's right, what if this is a phobia and not something I can get over? This, by the way, is after 2 years of close friendship that preceeded the relationship, and so I've known about him having fake teeth for 2.5 years, and if our relationship ends this way, I don't see how we could possibly be friends anymore either. Basically, my recently discovered phobia of dentures/no teeth is going to ruin not only one of only 2 serious relationships I've had in my life (at 32) and I lose my best friend and roommate who helped me get through this pandemic so far. At the same time, my inability to accept him for who he is makes me think he deserves better than me.So Reddit, what do I do that doesn't involve breaking up? I am literally willing to do ANYTHING to get over this and to make my brain stop fucking up one of the only good things that's happened to me in the past few years.TL; DR I have a phobia of dentures/no teeth that I want to get rid of, since my bf wears dentures and had all his teeth pulled years ago. I didn't know I had said phobia until we got together and thought I was over it until we tried to have sex without his teeth in and I unintentionally freaked out. Now I want to correct this rather than break up because I care for him and can't imagine him not being in my life because I'm totally ok with that theoretically, only my brain's trying to fuck me over by making me feel uncomfortable.Edit: forgot to include age/sex https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/3o5nbJ8
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