I am the typical nerd. Born in 1973, I have a degree in engineering and I am a developer. I work at home. Suffered from GD from adolescence but did not transition at the time because my dream was to have a family and kids. My body, apart from genitalia, is pretty feminine and due to hormone imbalance in youth I have developed naturally some breast.
Shy, I did have my first girlfriend at 23, and another at 25. I never cheated on anyone. A third girlfriend became my wife in 2003.
Two kids came, one (f) in 2004 and another (m) in 2008. Divorced in 2010. The divorce was not caused by me being trans, however it started a legal battle for the kids. My ex in laws wanted to revoke me the right to see them, even if they were (and are) very attached to me.
In 2013 I started to socially transition to female. Even without hormones I lived for more than a year as a woman and generally I passed well. I went to a gender clinic but they denied me hormones because they told me to wait until kids were a little older and to finish the legal battles.
I paused the transition, but kept long hair, continuing to practicing voice and removing beard.
In 2016 I met a woman, a single mom, actually a widow. 5 years younger, her son one year older than mine. She knew my past, my current pausing of transition and she was OK with that. We stayed together without a problem until this spring.
After 4 years of story she confessed me that she had been a serial cheater. I knew that she had had three partners before me, and she confessed that not only that number was very higher because she had many casual relationships but that she cheated on all of them. All of them, nobody excluded, except me. She actively searched casual sex during a relationship until her son came when she was 28. Then she said that that behavior stopped.
I asked some details of these cheatings but she erected a wall and told me that she did not remember, that in any case if I behaved well she wouldn't cheat on me. That she cheated in the past because men did not treat her well. This made me more afraid, maybe also because my lack of experience.
This has triggered again my gender dysphoria and now I am openly transitioning again. I have come out to my daughter (16) and she has accepted me well. My son (12) does not care. I plan to start hormones soon.
I still love her but she says that she still sees me as a man, she misgender me and uses my old name. I think that she still loves me, but as a man and I am afraid I cannot be that man anymore, I am too scared on being cheated on. As a woman I am more confortable being with a serial cheater, because I would understand that she needs a "man".
Question:
for now I have not corrected her if she misgenderes me or if she denies my being trans but simply wants to treat me as a feminine man. I want to give her time. But it seems that she does not see her role in this. For her it is simple: I am a man and will live as a man no matter what. She is not transphobe, I think, maybe she simply does not want to face the change, especially with her son and parents.
Should I be more assertive and tell her that I would like to be gendered and treated correctly?
I am the typical nerd. Born in 1973, I have a degree in engineering and I am a developer. I work at home. Suffered from GD from adolescence but did not transition at the time because my dream was to have a family and kids. My body, apart from genitalia, is pretty feminine and due to hormone imbalance in youth I have developed naturally some breast.Shy, I did have my first girlfriend at 23, and another at 25. I never cheated on anyone. A third girlfriend became my wife in 2003.Two kids came, one (f) in 2004 and another (m) in 2008. Divorced in 2010. The divorce was not caused by me being trans, however it started a legal battle for the kids. My ex in laws wanted to revoke me the right to see them, even if they were (and are) very attached to me.In 2013 I started to socially transition to female. Even without hormones I lived for more than a year as a woman and generally I passed well. I went to a gender clinic but they denied me hormones because they told me to wait until kids were a little older and to finish the legal battles.I paused the transition, but kept long hair, continuing to practicing voice and removing beard.In 2016 I met a woman, a single mom, actually a widow. 5 years younger, her son one year older than mine. She knew my past, my current pausing of transition and she was OK with that. We stayed together without a problem until this spring.After 4 years of story she confessed me that she had been a serial cheater. I knew that she had had three partners before me, and she confessed that not only that number was very higher because she had many casual relationships but that she cheated on all of them. All of them, nobody excluded, except me. She actively searched casual sex during a relationship until her son came when she was 28. Then she said that that behavior stopped.I asked some details of these cheatings but she erected a wall and told me that she did not remember, that in any case if I behaved well she wouldn't cheat on me. That she cheated in the past because men did not treat her well. This made me more afraid, maybe also because my lack of experience.This has triggered again my gender dysphoria and now I am openly transitioning again. I have come out to my daughter (16) and she has accepted me well. My son (12) does not care. I plan to start hormones soon.I still love her but she says that she still sees me as a man, she misgender me and uses my old name. I think that she still loves me, but as a man and I am afraid I cannot be that man anymore, I am too scared on being cheated on. As a woman I am more confortable being with a serial cheater, because I would understand that she needs a "man".Question:for now I have not corrected her if she misgenderes me or if she denies my being trans but simply wants to treat me as a feminine man. I want to give her time. But it seems that she does not see her role in this. For her it is simple: I am a man and will live as a man no matter what. She is not transphobe, I think, maybe she simply does not want to face the change, especially with her son and parents.Should I be more assertive and tell her that I would like to be gendered and treated correctly? https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/3afEUYF
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