I know it’s partly a hormone imbalance as I can’t get back on testosterone until March 28th, but I wish I could at least deal with this myself. Yesterday my anxiety was triggered into a zone that it hasn’t been in a long time. It was so dumb, one of my friends insinuates that he wouldn’t be able to trust me to cook despite the fact I’m good at cooking which is like a haha funny, except for whatever reason- like a fucking switch all my anxieties came out and I’ve been having a buildup to an anxiety attack since last night. I keep thinking about how I wasn’t a good friend and that im too much- all the shit that’s been instilled in me and I can’t get a handle on it like I usually can. One of my friends has become someone I get extra anxious over because he’s so kind and such a good friend. I’m terrified I don’t want to fuck up such a nice friendship with someone who actually likes being around me. I’m scared of taking advantage of his kindness even though I’ve never proved to take advantage of him. All these anxieties are like a broken dam that’s been held strong for years and now it’s all in front of me and I don’t know what to do. I knew I had bad anxiety but it appears I have incredibly extreme amounts al the time.
I just want to be a good friend, a good person, to do things that are good enough. Even though I know those concepts are all manmade it’s like I can’t stop it. My friend is incredibly kind and matches interests with me in a way that hasn’t been in years. He considers me a best friend even though we only met six months ago. I’m so, so scared of losing a friend like him. Not to mention I haven’t been getting enough sleep and been burning out on homework. Today all through work my chest was tight and my mind was fucking swirling. It’s like my insecurities keep getting worse and I keep talking about it which isn’t a thing a good friend would do because of my ungodly expectations for myself.
Man I’m just lonely and anxious, I miss my friends and family back home I’m scared of losing the friends I’ve made here. I’m scared my art isn’t good enough, I miss playing games with my friends and I’m just really tired. But isn’t it selfish to state those things? Doesn’t that make me bad? Fuck you see what I mean?
I’d really love just a nice long hug yknow?
Please excuse my stream of consciousness, I just wanted to get it all out somewhere.
I know it’s partly a hormone imbalance as I can’t get back on testosterone until March 28th, but I wish I could at least deal with this myself. Yesterday my anxiety was triggered into a zone that it hasn’t been in a long time. It was so dumb, one of my friends insinuates that he wouldn’t be able to trust me to cook despite the fact I’m good at cooking which is like a haha funny, except for whatever reason- like a fucking switch all my anxieties came out and I’ve been having a buildup to an anxiety attack since last night. I keep thinking about how I wasn’t a good friend and that im too much- all the shit that’s been instilled in me and I can’t get a handle on it like I usually can. One of my friends has become someone I get extra anxious over because he’s so kind and such a good friend. I’m terrified I don’t want to fuck up such a nice friendship with someone who actually likes being around me. I’m scared of taking advantage of his kindness even though I’ve never proved to take advantage of him. All these anxieties are like a broken dam that’s been held strong for years and now it’s all in front of me and I don’t know what to do. I knew I had bad anxiety but it appears I have incredibly extreme amounts al the time.I just want to be a good friend, a good person, to do things that are good enough. Even though I know those concepts are all manmade it’s like I can’t stop it. My friend is incredibly kind and matches interests with me in a way that hasn’t been in years. He considers me a best friend even though we only met six months ago. I’m so, so scared of losing a friend like him. Not to mention I haven’t been getting enough sleep and been burning out on homework. Today all through work my chest was tight and my mind was fucking swirling. It’s like my insecurities keep getting worse and I keep talking about it which isn’t a thing a good friend would do because of my ungodly expectations for myself.Man I’m just lonely and anxious, I miss my friends and family back home I’m scared of losing the friends I’ve made here. I’m scared my art isn’t good enough, I miss playing games with my friends and I’m just really tired. But isn’t it selfish to state those things? Doesn’t that make me bad? Fuck you see what I mean?I’d really love just a nice long hug yknow?Please excuse my stream of consciousness, I just wanted to get it all out somewhere. https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/3q48XrW
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