My (M24) fiancé (F25) and I have had significantly less sex over the past year. We have been together since 2016 and I finally popped the question last August. By that point we were still having sex, but it was on a steady decline, although I considered it normal; the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. We’ve been through a ton of life changes in the past year as well. We bought a home together, got engaged, got a new puppy, and have been planning our wedding.
I love her dearly. She’s my best friend and my closest companion; but on a physical level, things are very dead. The last time we had sex was November; it’s been almost a 6 month dry spell. Whenever I try to initiate, she gets extremely annoyed and pushes me off. She no longer lets me touch her sexually, I can’t touch her breasts, butt, etc. I occasionally give her a playful smack on the butt and she sometimes giggles or smiles if she’s already in a good mood, but about 80% of the time, she reacts with annoyance.
Even things such as kissing have dwindled. She’ll give me a very brief peck, but a kiss longer than a millisecond is VERY rare now. She still cuddles me in bed at night as we fall asleep, we shower together and have no issue being naked around each other, but there’s just no physical intimacy anymore.
I’ve tried talking to her about it, and it led to several arguments with her saying “all you care about is sex; it’s not that important; etc.” I do NOT only care about sex of course, but I understand it’s a healthy part of a normal relationship. Finally, she admitted to me two things:
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Currently, she has ABSOLUTELY no libido at ALL. No desire for anything sexual whatsoever. At first I was worried it was just that she wasn’t attracted to me, but she insists “you could put the hottest man in the world in front of me with a raging boner right now and I would feel absolutely nothing.” She said she felt her desire dwindling over the past year, and it eventually dwindled to nonexistent. She said she still THINKS about sex; but she can’t physically make herself want it or be turned on by anything at all.
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She said a lot of the sex we had in the past (particularly within the past couple years) was mostly for my benefit and not hers. She says that she often had sex solely to make me happy and that she got no pleasure out of it at all, and she faked and acted the majority of her orgasms and pleasure. In fact, she says she doesn’t think she’s ever had a truly pleasurable sexual experience, whether with me or with anyone before me.
Both of these trouble me a lot...especially the second one. All this time I thought I’ve been pleasing her too, but apparently not... As far as her not being able to get turned on, the only solution she currently has is that she is planning on asking her OBGYN about it when she has her annual appointment next month, as she seems pretty convinced it may be a hormonal imbalance. She said she tried to mention it to the OB’s nurse practitioner a couple years back when her desire initially started to lessen, but that she doesn’t feel like the nurse took her seriously, and the nurse just said “your boyfriend just needs to finesse you some more.” She also says the stress of buying a home, planning a wedding, etc. also doesn’t give her a moment to breathe or even think about sex much. I understand that part entirely.
Again, I love her dearly...but I also really miss a sexual relationship. Maybe it’s medical and hormonal...but I’m really afraid for what we’re going to do if it’s not. I already told her I would stay with her even if we never had sex again...but I don’t really know if I meant that. She wants kids one day and so do I.
Of course to help my own needs, I do watch porn and masturbate in my own privacy, but the couple times she has found porn on my phone, she has gotten EXTREMELY upset about it, and even upset about me masturbating at all, with or without porn. I don’t understand how she could be upset about me having needs though if she isn’t willing to try and fulfill those needs. At the moment, she pretty much refuses to talk about it any more until her OBGYN appointment next month.
Can anyone help me out here? What should I do?
My (M24) fiancé (F25) and I have had significantly less sex over the past year. We have been together since 2016 and I finally popped the question last August. By that point we were still having sex, but it was on a steady decline, although I considered it normal; the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. We’ve been through a ton of life changes in the past year as well. We bought a home together, got engaged, got a new puppy, and have been planning our wedding.I love her dearly. She’s my best friend and my closest companion; but on a physical level, things are very dead. The last time we had sex was November; it’s been almost a 6 month dry spell. Whenever I try to initiate, she gets extremely annoyed and pushes me off. She no longer lets me touch her sexually, I can’t touch her breasts, butt, etc. I occasionally give her a playful smack on the butt and she sometimes giggles or smiles if she’s already in a good mood, but about 80% of the time, she reacts with annoyance.Even things such as kissing have dwindled. She’ll give me a very brief peck, but a kiss longer than a millisecond is VERY rare now. She still cuddles me in bed at night as we fall asleep, we shower together and have no issue being naked around each other, but there’s just no physical intimacy anymore.I’ve tried talking to her about it, and it led to several arguments with her saying “all you care about is sex; it’s not that important; etc.” I do NOT only care about sex of course, but I understand it’s a healthy part of a normal relationship. Finally, she admitted to me two things:Currently, she has ABSOLUTELY no libido at ALL. No desire for anything sexual whatsoever. At first I was worried it was just that she wasn’t attracted to me, but she insists “you could put the hottest man in the world in front of me with a raging boner right now and I would feel absolutely nothing.” She said she felt her desire dwindling over the past year, and it eventually dwindled to nonexistent. She said she still THINKS about sex; but she can’t physically make herself want it or be turned on by anything at all.She said a lot of the sex we had in the past (particularly within the past couple years) was mostly for my benefit and not hers. She says that she often had sex solely to make me happy and that she got no pleasure out of it at all, and she faked and acted the majority of her orgasms and pleasure. In fact, she says she doesn’t think she’s ever had a truly pleasurable sexual experience, whether with me or with anyone before me.Both of these trouble me a lot...especially the second one. All this time I thought I’ve been pleasing her too, but apparently not... As far as her not being able to get turned on, the only solution she currently has is that she is planning on asking her OBGYN about it when she has her annual appointment next month, as she seems pretty convinced it may be a hormonal imbalance. She said she tried to mention it to the OB’s nurse practitioner a couple years back when her desire initially started to lessen, but that she doesn’t feel like the nurse took her seriously, and the nurse just said “your boyfriend just needs to finesse you some more.” She also says the stress of buying a home, planning a wedding, etc. also doesn’t give her a moment to breathe or even think about sex much. I understand that part entirely.Again, I love her dearly...but I also really miss a sexual relationship. Maybe it’s medical and hormonal...but I’m really afraid for what we’re going to do if it’s not. I already told her I would stay with her even if we never had sex again...but I don’t really know if I meant that. She wants kids one day and so do I.Of course to help my own needs, I do watch porn and masturbate in my own privacy, but the couple times she has found porn on my phone, she has gotten EXTREMELY upset about it, and even upset about me masturbating at all, with or without porn. I don’t understand how she could be upset about me having needs though if she isn’t willing to try and fulfill those needs. At the moment, she pretty much refuses to talk about it any more until her OBGYN appointment next month.Can anyone help me out here? What should I do? https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/3aPYWdm
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