I’m genderqueer and grouchy about the way I currently present. Fine with how I look, I guess, but dysphoric af about presentation, and I know that’s a weird combo.
I was recently (about a year ago) diagnosed with MS. Before the recent bout of symptoms, I was super into boxing, and running. Gave me a lean, mean build of kickassery, and that was neat, but tbh numbers on a scale or size tag never bothered me, so yeah, I was a bean, but what was great was fashion.
Like, before coming out, I was shifting styles like every other day, trying to find something that matched. And playing into the small town girl next door stereotype worked reasonably well. But nope.
When I came out as genderqueer, I was able to finally find the style that fit. Cut off my hair. Did that androgynous look that was like the perfect non-binary combo of everything I actually liked. And it was fucking wonderful, because I wasn’t some adorable woman, or some hot babe, I was like ...this mess of little kids getting confused if I was a chick or dude, and straight guys feeling uncomfortably confused. I was finally presenting to the world the identity that is me, and whatever, appearances don’t matter, but it’s affirming to know that people could see me, without me having to constantly explain be like “okay yeah but”. It was validating whatever.
But MS has been literally the worst, and over 18 months of neuropathy-forced couch potato-ing with hormonal imbalances from new meds, I lost my shape. By about 80lba. It doesn’t matter, I don’t need to see digits of weight, BUT.
My breasts grew quite large with my weight increase. And I’ve got that womanly shape all over again. So like, the fashion that fit for me is not fitting for me. Because people look at me and see a woman. None of them can see me unless I tell them, and it’s frustrating AF. It doesn’t change my identity, it doesn’t matter to people who know me, but like, I just want to stop people I come across as seeing some woman.
I like skirts. Before, I could incorporate them and still feel like I presented the way I want to present, but now every time I wear a skirt, I worry that I’m reinforcing “yep I’m a girl”
š okay end rant
I’m genderqueer and grouchy about the way I currently present. Fine with how I look, I guess, but dysphoric af about presentation, and I know that’s a weird combo.I was recently (about a year ago) diagnosed with MS. Before the recent bout of symptoms, I was super into boxing, and running. Gave me a lean, mean build of kickassery, and that was neat, but tbh numbers on a scale or size tag never bothered me, so yeah, I was a bean, but what was great was fashion.Like, before coming out, I was shifting styles like every other day, trying to find something that matched. And playing into the small town girl next door stereotype worked reasonably well. But nope.When I came out as genderqueer, I was able to finally find the style that fit. Cut off my hair. Did that androgynous look that was like the perfect non-binary combo of everything I actually liked. And it was fucking wonderful, because I wasn’t some adorable woman, or some hot babe, I was like ...this mess of little kids getting confused if I was a chick or dude, and straight guys feeling uncomfortably confused. I was finally presenting to the world the identity that is me, and whatever, appearances don’t matter, but it’s affirming to know that people could see me, without me having to constantly explain be like “okay yeah but”. It was validating whatever.But MS has been literally the worst, and over 18 months of neuropathy-forced couch potato-ing with hormonal imbalances from new meds, I lost my shape. By about 80lba. It doesn’t matter, I don’t need to see digits of weight, BUT.My breasts grew quite large with my weight increase. And I’ve got that womanly shape all over again. So like, the fashion that fit for me is not fitting for me. Because people look at me and see a woman. None of them can see me unless I tell them, and it’s frustrating AF. It doesn’t change my identity, it doesn’t matter to people who know me, but like, I just want to stop people I come across as seeing some woman.I like skirts. Before, I could incorporate them and still feel like I presented the way I want to present, but now every time I wear a skirt, I worry that I’m reinforcing “yep I’m a girl”š okay end rant https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/3vDoiDL
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