I call my PMDD the Jekyll & Hyde effect; upon being prompted to describe my PMDD to others, I refer to Stevenson’s fictional characters because they most accurately describe my state of being. In modern jargon, the term describes a person that alternately displays two distinctly different and opposing sides to their character. While I whole heartedly believe that people are multidimensional and much more complex than the basic duality tropes historically prescribed to women, I use this reference because in many ways the hormonal imbalance makes me feel like a completely different person. I sometimes don't even recognize myself; disassociating from the relatively calm demeanor into one of quick reactivity and simmering anger.
My relaxed self transforms quickly into someone with no patience. I’ve been in board rooms and felt my heart rate increase and a knot of anxiety snake around my lungs. I have been bereft of words because the tears well up in my eyes too quickly and then its gone…there’s no reigning it in after I reach the tipping point. An hour or sometimes several later I’ll be exhausted to scream or cry anymore and I will feel a welcomed numbness but the low grade anxiety persists until a small triggering event and back into we go and go and go until a couple days after my period and the tightness in my chest eases and my breath steadies.
Even when friends or family ask what is wrong I used to make up reasons, ones that I felt justified my anger, or sadness, or depression. I've told bosses that I have low blood sugar and housemates that my brother was in a car accident to quickly assuage another's concern. But when I choose to let others into my world, I know at least how to begin. But really, how do you describe PMDD to someone who has never experienced it...? Jekyll and Hyde I will constantly come back to over and over again.While I no longer feel complete disconnection from myself in these periods due to my own research and monthly tracking methods, I find the reference helpful when others, inevitably, are brought into the folds of my life so they have a sense of the gravity of the mood swings and depressive episodes, the constant crying and edginess until it all inexplicably dissipates into the nether.
I call my PMDD the Jekyll & Hyde effect; upon being prompted to describe my PMDD to others, I refer to Stevenson’s fictional characters because they most accurately describe my state of being. In modern jargon, the term describes a person that alternately displays two distinctly different and opposing sides to their character. While I whole heartedly believe that people are multidimensional and much more complex than the basic duality tropes historically prescribed to women, I use this reference because in many ways the hormonal imbalance makes me feel like a completely different person. I sometimes don't even recognize myself; disassociating from the relatively calm demeanor into one of quick reactivity and simmering anger.My relaxed self transforms quickly into someone with no patience. I’ve been in board rooms and felt my heart rate increase and a knot of anxiety snake around my lungs. I have been bereft of words because the tears well up in my eyes too quickly and then its gone…there’s no reigning it in after I reach the tipping point. An hour or sometimes several later I’ll be exhausted to scream or cry anymore and I will feel a welcomed numbness but the low grade anxiety persists until a small triggering event and back into we go and go and go until a couple days after my period and the tightness in my chest eases and my breath steadies.Even when friends or family ask what is wrong I used to make up reasons, ones that I felt justified my anger, or sadness, or depression. I've told bosses that I have low blood sugar and housemates that my brother was in a car accident to quickly assuage another's concern. But when I choose to let others into my world, I know at least how to begin. But really, how do you describe PMDD to someone who has never experienced it...? Jekyll and Hyde I will constantly come back to over and over again.While I no longer feel complete disconnection from myself in these periods due to my own research and monthly tracking methods, I find the reference helpful when others, inevitably, are brought into the folds of my life so they have a sense of the gravity of the mood swings and depressive episodes, the constant crying and edginess until it all inexplicably dissipates into the nether. https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/3i978t5
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