Looking for advice

I don't know if this is the right place or not but i need help urgent

i dont really know where to start. but ive had some problems on my mind for a bit now and am looking for some advice on how to move forward.

i guess i should start by saying i am the youngest son in a family of of seven I (20m) two sisters (29f) (38f) and two brothers (40m) (33m) MY parents Mom (65f) dad (65m) the ages are ruff but within two years or so i have a bad memory for that stuff

starting from the beginning i was raised basically as an only child as all my siblings were so much older and out of the house by the time i was old enough to really take notice. dont get me wrong ive always had a decent realsationship with my sibling its just that they were so much older than me.

one of the most important things to me is family i used to love to go outside and play catch with my dad and i used to work on and restore cars with him and do all kinds of stuff he one of the things i alwasys wanted was for him to be pround of me, Butt things changed in the last years of middle school and i had no idea what to do . he began yelling and screaming at my mother when he thought i could't hear i was scared for her and for myself i did't really know what to do this carried on for a couple of months and i started to come out of my room and make my self noticable when he started to yell and rage and he would quite up and stop but after a while it didn't matter wether i was there or not and i started to get scared of what he would do as far as i know thing hadn't goten physical at this point but eveantualy it all came to head while i was at school.

i guess i should explain what the yelling was about my mom and dad got married junior year of highschool and i gues sometime in there late teens early twentys my mom cheated on my dad multiple time aparently my dad had found out about it back then but had moved passed it and is far as is known my mom has bean faithful ever sense. so about 6 years ago this all went down and i got a called up to the office at school i had a phone call it was from my eldist sister saying that somthing had happend i no matter what not to go home with my dad if he showed up and that she was coming to get me a little later i remember getting called to the office to leave and how scared i was trying to see the car out front before it could see me in the windows and wondering what i would do if it was him where i would go what would i tell the school when the resource officers caught me but luckily it was my sister and i was then taked to my other sisters place and my mom and sisters told me what happed. he had gotten angry and was yeling and screaming again and it was worse way worse this tim so my mom secretly called both of my brothers and put her phone on speaker so they could hear what was happening and tha rushed over and when they got there they had a confrontation and he left they decided it would be best to get my mom and me out of there for a while andhad her pack som things while they were leaving my house my dad who had been watching the house gave chase and tried to run my brothers of of the road on in a small car the ofther in a one ton desil pickup dad large suv my eldest brother was foreced to pull away in his car while my other brothe tried to fend him off with his my eldest brother pulled ove and tried to shoot the tire out on my dads suv butt the shot went wide and in through the rear drivers door and logged itself in the back of the drivers seat, the maneged to lose him after that and called the cops and told the police he later turned himself in

there were all kings of court proceeding and my dad who at this point i had no idea what to think of was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and putt in a hospital on meds for a few months , when he got out it was thought to be a good idea for us to spend some time together so we did we went to see a movie one of the first of the news starwars on opening night barely got tickets but the movie we got tickets for was a later showing so we decided to see a moby dick move that was on at the time in the heart of the sea or somthing i think but i digress we kinda had a chance to talk and this is when i started to see the multiple personality disorder in action that day he was very timid and apologetic but also trying to feel out what i know i just kept my tounge shut and listend.

this was very strange to me as my dad was anything but a timid man he will and has before stood down charging grizzlys and lions in some of his many hunting trips and done thing i could't believe if it wasn't for the ten other people telling me that it had endeed happen the way he said.he always whanted to take care of and provide for his family and strove to achieve what he wanted no matter how hard it was i wanted to be like him to me he was a very real superheroit was my goal if i could turn out like him my life would be great.

i later saw the secod personality it was vilant and grufff blaming everthing on the world and everone else this was also a new on to me he slways took responsibility even if it wasn't neccesarily his fault and but for his gruff attide be was kind and generous this all was gone

i started to think to myself what had happend to my dad who was this maniac in his place this went on for an while and sometimes i thought i could see the old him the one i could look up to behind it all i just tried to matain a cordial attitude and not let my feelings show. then a third personality emerged and became the dominent on it was almost a mix of the two but more reserverd and at this moment i stopped seeing the f;ashes of the person id admired and it was ruff it still is its as if in my heart he died that day and was replaced by this stranger that i had no clue of and was indifferent to. i dont really know what where to go from here well i guess the next thing would be we move away from my brothers and sisters and i stated highscool in a ne wstate my "dad" had bought a business and things where doing ok my sisters moved down to be close to us and i started to develope an new relationship with this person who looked my my dad but did not feel like him. eventually throuigh a series of factors like the previous owner lying about income and competitors going from 6 to 20 after a certain hurricane hit the business went bankrupt

we all moved back up to where we were originaly from and my middle brother gave my dad and me a job working for him in his company and really has supported my parents and by extention me a lot. i no longer work for my brother and got a new job were on good terms thouhg my dad still works for them and i do pay rent to my parents through conversations ive had with my brother i can tell hes still angry with dad and has not forgiven him and niether have i you have to understand to my family the most important thing in the world is our family screw with one of us and all hell shall be unleashed upon you. his actions were so severe my eldest brother felt the need to fire on his dad this is how bad it was. but ive had to live with the man for 5 years now my brothers refers to him as your dad not dad or anything of the sort with the obvious disatain shown for him around me i wonder how he can keep it all in and even take him fishing and such i guess its the same way i do.

this person i know call my dad is immensely controlling of my mother i wanted to go eat at a realy good resturant that we used to go to all the time and my middle sister works there but shes not aloud to because my mom used to work there and she might have freinds there .. and stuff like that it's bad ohh you need to get a job too help pay bills oh no you cant work i don't trust you and stuff

they seem to have a large argument every couple weeks now and im at the point where ive had enough and am ready to strike it out on my own but there need my help with rent and such financially and i dont know if i can trust him to be alone with her neither does my mom its to the point she was scared to go anniversary trip with him.

i Know that this needs confronted and guidelines layed out and that ill need the help of all of my siblings but i have no idea whereto begin or how to attempt to even broach this topic i want to protect my mother and be there for my family but she is completely financially dependent on him and hasn't worked in over twenty years and i an my sibling dont make enough to help that much and i don't think splitting them up is somthing shed go for anyway

i have know idea what i want to do with myself i want to start my own life but also to protect my family i have no drive to realy do anything and no direction anymore and anytime i start thinking about moving out and such i get worried about what will happen if i do and lose all desire to at this rate all id do is work sleep eat play video games and waste away i have no drive to advance or improve

and before anyone berates my for the games its been my one escape from this hell hole ive lived and the freinds i made over the internet are probably the only reason i'm here today and did't kill myself one of the o so many times i wanted to expecialy after the way i was bullied in school i had no way out books and games were the only place i could lose the weight on me i went from never wanting to touch a book to becomeing the fastest reader in my school reading has kinda fell to the side because i no longer have easy acess to a library like i did in school so games i all ive got sorry if im being a bit defensive here but its one of the few hobies i hav that i can enjoy anymore and compared to other hobies ive had its cheap plus he berates me for it. i have a full time job 4pm to 5 am and make decent money but its all i do all i have time for work sleep and try to take a broke from all the stress around my i want to start my life to get a girlefreind to have a reason to do somthing with myself anything really butt i also need to help out my family as i said i pay rent a third of it to be precise to my parents and its one of the only ways they can aford a place and it helps me out a bit becouse its cheaper than if i was on my own

i neeed advice how do i brotch this with my sibling

my father has made not atempts to reconcile or apologise it's all everyone eles lies

and if i do what do we say to him. im afraid its going to start all over again and have no idea what to do

i dont know how long i can take this

and i things can be worked out where do i even begin to make a life formyself in this world i would look to my parents for this but well the above.

Please help me

i forgot to say that he had thyroid cancer and it was removed it was deemed to be a probable cause of the disorder because of hormone imbalances and such

i gues i should add that for abvious reeasons this is a thwawy

I don't know if this is the right place or not but i need help urgenti dont really know where to start. but ive had some problems on my mind for a bit now and am looking for some advice on how to move forward.i guess i should start by saying i am the youngest son in a family of of seven I (20m) two sisters (29f) (38f) and two brothers (40m) (33m) MY parents Mom (65f) dad (65m) the ages are ruff but within two years or so i have a bad memory for that stuffstarting from the beginning i was raised basically as an only child as all my siblings were so much older and out of the house by the time i was old enough to really take notice. dont get me wrong ive always had a decent realsationship with my sibling its just that they were so much older than me.one of the most important things to me is family i used to love to go outside and play catch with my dad and i used to work on and restore cars with him and do all kinds of stuff he one of the things i alwasys wanted was for him to be pround of me, Butt things changed in the last years of middle school and i had no idea what to do . he began yelling and screaming at my mother when he thought i could't hear i was scared for her and for myself i did't really know what to do this carried on for a couple of months and i started to come out of my room and make my self noticable when he started to yell and rage and he would quite up and stop but after a while it didn't matter wether i was there or not and i started to get scared of what he would do as far as i know thing hadn't goten physical at this point but eveantualy it all came to head while i was at school.i guess i should explain what the yelling was about my mom and dad got married junior year of highschool and i gues sometime in there late teens early twentys my mom cheated on my dad multiple time aparently my dad had found out about it back then but had moved passed it and is far as is known my mom has bean faithful ever sense. so about 6 years ago this all went down and i got a called up to the office at school i had a phone call it was from my eldist sister saying that somthing had happend i no matter what not to go home with my dad if he showed up and that she was coming to get me a little later i remember getting called to the office to leave and how scared i was trying to see the car out front before it could see me in the windows and wondering what i would do if it was him where i would go what would i tell the school when the resource officers caught me but luckily it was my sister and i was then taked to my other sisters place and my mom and sisters told me what happed. he had gotten angry and was yeling and screaming again and it was worse way worse this tim so my mom secretly called both of my brothers and put her phone on speaker so they could hear what was happening and tha rushed over and when they got there they had a confrontation and he left they decided it would be best to get my mom and me out of there for a while andhad her pack som things while they were leaving my house my dad who had been watching the house gave chase and tried to run my brothers of of the road on in a small car the ofther in a one ton desil pickup dad large suv my eldest brother was foreced to pull away in his car while my other brothe tried to fend him off with his my eldest brother pulled ove and tried to shoot the tire out on my dads suv butt the shot went wide and in through the rear drivers door and logged itself in the back of the drivers seat, the maneged to lose him after that and called the cops and told the police he later turned himself inthere were all kings of court proceeding and my dad who at this point i had no idea what to think of was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and putt in a hospital on meds for a few months , when he got out it was thought to be a good idea for us to spend some time together so we did we went to see a movie one of the first of the news starwars on opening night barely got tickets but the movie we got tickets for was a later showing so we decided to see a moby dick move that was on at the time in the heart of the sea or somthing i think but i digress we kinda had a chance to talk and this is when i started to see the multiple personality disorder in action that day he was very timid and apologetic but also trying to feel out what i know i just kept my tounge shut and listend.this was very strange to me as my dad was anything but a timid man he will and has before stood down charging grizzlys and lions in some of his many hunting trips and done thing i could't believe if it wasn't for the ten other people telling me that it had endeed happen the way he said.he always whanted to take care of and provide for his family and strove to achieve what he wanted no matter how hard it was i wanted to be like him to me he was a very real superheroit was my goal if i could turn out like him my life would be great.i later saw the secod personality it was vilant and grufff blaming everthing on the world and everone else this was also a new on to me he slways took responsibility even if it wasn't neccesarily his fault and but for his gruff attide be was kind and generous this all was gonei started to think to myself what had happend to my dad who was this maniac in his place this went on for an while and sometimes i thought i could see the old him the one i could look up to behind it all i just tried to matain a cordial attitude and not let my feelings show. then a third personality emerged and became the dominent on it was almost a mix of the two but more reserverd and at this moment i stopped seeing the f;ashes of the person id admired and it was ruff it still is its as if in my heart he died that day and was replaced by this stranger that i had no clue of and was indifferent to. i dont really know what where to go from here well i guess the next thing would be we move away from my brothers and sisters and i stated highscool in a ne wstate my "dad" had bought a business and things where doing ok my sisters moved down to be close to us and i started to develope an new relationship with this person who looked my my dad but did not feel like him. eventually throuigh a series of factors like the previous owner lying about income and competitors going from 6 to 20 after a certain hurricane hit the business went bankruptwe all moved back up to where we were originaly from and my middle brother gave my dad and me a job working for him in his company and really has supported my parents and by extention me a lot. i no longer work for my brother and got a new job were on good terms thouhg my dad still works for them and i do pay rent to my parents through conversations ive had with my brother i can tell hes still angry with dad and has not forgiven him and niether have i you have to understand to my family the most important thing in the world is our family screw with one of us and all hell shall be unleashed upon you. his actions were so severe my eldest brother felt the need to fire on his dad this is how bad it was. but ive had to live with the man for 5 years now my brothers refers to him as your dad not dad or anything of the sort with the obvious disatain shown for him around me i wonder how he can keep it all in and even take him fishing and such i guess its the same way i do.this person i know call my dad is immensely controlling of my mother i wanted to go eat at a realy good resturant that we used to go to all the time and my middle sister works there but shes not aloud to because my mom used to work there and she might have freinds there .. and stuff like that it's bad ohh you need to get a job too help pay bills oh no you cant work i don't trust you and stuffthey seem to have a large argument every couple weeks now and im at the point where ive had enough and am ready to strike it out on my own but there need my help with rent and such financially and i dont know if i can trust him to be alone with her neither does my mom its to the point she was scared to go anniversary trip with him.i Know that this needs confronted and guidelines layed out and that ill need the help of all of my siblings but i have no idea whereto begin or how to attempt to even broach this topic i want to protect my mother and be there for my family but she is completely financially dependent on him and hasn't worked in over twenty years and i an my sibling dont make enough to help that much and i don't think splitting them up is somthing shed go for anywayi have know idea what i want to do with myself i want to start my own life but also to protect my family i have no drive to realy do anything and no direction anymore and anytime i start thinking about moving out and such i get worried about what will happen if i do and lose all desire to at this rate all id do is work sleep eat play video games and waste away i have no drive to advance or improveand before anyone berates my for the games its been my one escape from this hell hole ive lived and the freinds i made over the internet are probably the only reason i'm here today and did't kill myself one of the o so many times i wanted to expecialy after the way i was bullied in school i had no way out books and games were the only place i could lose the weight on me i went from never wanting to touch a book to becomeing the fastest reader in my school reading has kinda fell to the side because i no longer have easy acess to a library like i did in school so games i all ive got sorry if im being a bit defensive here but its one of the few hobies i hav that i can enjoy anymore and compared to other hobies ive had its cheap plus he berates me for it. i have a full time job 4pm to 5 am and make decent money but its all i do all i have time for work sleep and try to take a broke from all the stress around my i want to start my life to get a girlefreind to have a reason to do somthing with myself anything really butt i also need to help out my family as i said i pay rent a third of it to be precise to my parents and its one of the only ways they can aford a place and it helps me out a bit becouse its cheaper than if i was on my owni neeed advice how do i brotch this with my siblingmy father has made not atempts to reconcile or apologise it's all everyone eles liesand if i do what do we say to him. im afraid its going to start all over again and have no idea what to doi dont know how long i can take thisand i things can be worked out where do i even begin to make a life formyself in this world i would look to my parents for this but well the above.Please help mei forgot to say that he had thyroid cancer and it was removed it was deemed to be a probable cause of the disorder because of hormone imbalances and suchi gues i should add that for abvious reeasons this is a thwawy https://ift.tt/eA8V8J https://ift.tt/3jguQmT