43 YO, Married 10, together 15. Wife is 39.
Where to start... Found MRP in 2016 as BP pussy and went hard for a couple years and made some modest gains. Had to dig deep this morning to find my old handle and my post history was enlightening. Nothing has changed because I completely back slid and am in WAY deeper shit now.
While on MRP had decent map with weak frame, this allowed me to coast fairly well combined with some marriage therapy, we were doing okay for a solid 1.5 years. Finally conceded to children with the wife's fertility treatments and hit the lottery with triplets. Yea. Wife's pregnancy was a golden period in our relationship, She was happy as fuck and a joy to be around, so fucking sweet. Now convinced hormone imbalances play a major role in our marriage. Only hiccup was sex was painful for her during pregnancy and she was with triplets so I slipped into old fap habits after 2-3 years of MRP.
Then the kids came. Holy fuck. Enter major debilitating postpartum depression. At this point I was caring for the three babies and her. Feedings, diapers, baths, food for us. The whole fucking thing. Anyone who has young children... Just sit with that mental picture for a minute. Managed to keep my high paying high-stress job for a total of six weeks and then caved. Agreed to sell our house and move to another town to be closer to her family (I have done this three times now in different iterations). Moved her mom in with us to "Help".
I create a solid plan, take capital from savings, open a new business in new said town while trying to maintain frame, care for her, three babies and now also her mom. Turns out mom doesn't cook, clean or really help in any way. Then Covid hits and one week into new biz I am closed by the state health dept. I continue to pump money into commercial rent and drain remaining capital for 3 months until I finally concede and close shop. Back to fap, back to alcohol, exercising like crazy to try and deal with stress and anxiety
Wife has high pay corporate job with amazing benefits and was able to collect pay while on postpartum disability, She easily slides back into remote work while I care most other things that need to happen like childcare and cooking, cleaning etc. Kids are now 2.5 years and I have been their mommy since day one. Childcare has had to be a team effort but, it is very hard for her. At times, she finds no joy in it. Currently, she makes breakfast, gives baths after work and will hang with them on weekends. She is often frustrated around them. This covid thing is fucking us on childcare. We have been unable to find a nanny or daycare up until now. Daycare is often closed for weeks due to positive kids.
Stress is killing me. Have been in emergency room multiple times over last 2 years with heart attack symptoms. Was initially diagnosed with panic attacks but, more investigation also reveals advanced coronary artery disease (genetic, Dad started this shit early 40's as well). Weekly nuclear shit tests send me into full chest pain and occasionally to ER. Told her after a recent conflict that I am done. Now sleeping in separate rooms (my choice). I don't think I will survive very much longer with the constant heart attack scares. Really fucking lost.
My current weak ass MAP. I love her and the kids. Ideal situation would be to get help with and continue marriage. Get control of heart condition, neck / back injuries and anxiety. Get kids into solid daycare and get my ass back to work. This has been the plan for sometime and is not working.
Currently 6'1" 175, 10% BF Cycling and lifting light (nursing a couple injuries), daily meditation, weaning back off alcohol, started a 30 day alcohol detox today and may keep off permanently for the heart. Experimenting with veg diet to appease cardiologist for the last 60 days and cholesterol is now in normal range. Statins have me feeling like shit and constantly sick from kids, not sleeping.
Let the beatings begin...
43 YO, Married 10, together 15. Wife is 39.Where to start... Found MRP in 2016 as BP pussy and went hard for a couple years and made some modest gains. Had to dig deep this morning to find my old handle and my post history was enlightening. Nothing has changed because I completely back slid and am in WAY deeper shit now.While on MRP had decent map with weak frame, this allowed me to coast fairly well combined with some marriage therapy, we were doing okay for a solid 1.5 years. Finally conceded to children with the wife's fertility treatments and hit the lottery with triplets. Yea. Wife's pregnancy was a golden period in our relationship, She was happy as fuck and a joy to be around, so fucking sweet. Now convinced hormone imbalances play a major role in our marriage. Only hiccup was sex was painful for her during pregnancy and she was with triplets so I slipped into old fap habits after 2-3 years of MRP.Then the kids came. Holy fuck. Enter major debilitating postpartum depression. At this point I was caring for the three babies and her. Feedings, diapers, baths, food for us. The whole fucking thing. Anyone who has young children... Just sit with that mental picture for a minute. Managed to keep my high paying high-stress job for a total of six weeks and then caved. Agreed to sell our house and move to another town to be closer to her family (I have done this three times now in different iterations). Moved her mom in with us to "Help".I create a solid plan, take capital from savings, open a new business in new said town while trying to maintain frame, care for her, three babies and now also her mom. Turns out mom doesn't cook, clean or really help in any way. Then Covid hits and one week into new biz I am closed by the state health dept. I continue to pump money into commercial rent and drain remaining capital for 3 months until I finally concede and close shop. Back to fap, back to alcohol, exercising like crazy to try and deal with stress and anxietyWife has high pay corporate job with amazing benefits and was able to collect pay while on postpartum disability, She easily slides back into remote work while I care most other things that need to happen like childcare and cooking, cleaning etc. Kids are now 2.5 years and I have been their mommy since day one. Childcare has had to be a team effort but, it is very hard for her. At times, she finds no joy in it. Currently, she makes breakfast, gives baths after work and will hang with them on weekends. She is often frustrated around them. This covid thing is fucking us on childcare. We have been unable to find a nanny or daycare up until now. Daycare is often closed for weeks due to positive kids.Stress is killing me. Have been in emergency room multiple times over last 2 years with heart attack symptoms. Was initially diagnosed with panic attacks but, more investigation also reveals advanced coronary artery disease (genetic, Dad started this shit early 40's as well). Weekly nuclear shit tests send me into full chest pain and occasionally to ER. Told her after a recent conflict that I am done. Now sleeping in separate rooms (my choice). I don't think I will survive very much longer with the constant heart attack scares. Really fucking lost.My current weak ass MAP. I love her and the kids. Ideal situation would be to get help with and continue marriage. Get control of heart condition, neck / back injuries and anxiety. Get kids into solid daycare and get my ass back to work. This has been the plan for sometime and is not working.Currently 6'1" 175, 10% BF Cycling and lifting light (nursing a couple injuries), daily meditation, weaning back off alcohol, started a 30 day alcohol detox today and may keep off permanently for the heart. Experimenting with veg diet to appease cardiologist for the last 60 days and cholesterol is now in normal range. Statins have me feeling like shit and constantly sick from kids, not sleeping.Let the beatings begin... https://bit.ly/3GblJNq https://ift.tt/cVjsIlxRm
Comments
Post a Comment