Cycle of Abuse

I knew my wife had a difficult history. Had told me of some sexual abuse and that she was in a physically abusive relationship at one point.

After we had our 3rd child, due to complications from C-Section, she had to remain sedentary.

She has severe hypothyroidism as well, so she quickly gained weight. After the previous two pregnancies, she also put on weight, but was able to manage her diet and exercise to more properly lose weight.

This time around, she couldn't exercise due to C-Section complications (bleeding, etc) and what I thought was a long gone eating disorder quickly returned. If you have hypothyroidism and don't eat right, it can cause a hormone imbalance, mood swings, etc. The biggest thing it can cause is ADHD like symptoms that cause fatigue and brain fog. She got hit with this bad, and took a deep dive into post partum depression.

Before I get any further, I absolutely hate having to talk this way about my wife. I have a heart filled with empathy and this entire situation has broken my heart into a million pieces.

That said, between text messages, videos, and her medical records (gained via subpoena in our divorce), she lost it. Became irritable, angry, etc. After several months of not eating much at all (would go 5-10 days without a bowel movement), things got even worse and we ended up in counseling. At this point, she was stacking caffeine and ephedrine to facilitate weight loss. Sometimes like 800mg of caffeine + ephedrine every day to get needed energy from lack of food. She became so irrational that even our counselor told her 'she wasn't making sense' multiple times, and we openly discussed taking her to the ER. She was of course defensive. Counselor asked her to at least see a psychiatrist immediately.

She went; medical records show she wasn't completely honest with psychiatrist about her medical history, and of course after the fact I research him and find out he's a pill pusher, and he put her on 20mgx3 daily of adderall.

Her personality changed almost immediately. She was of course flying high from the amphetamines, it suppressed her appetite, she started losing weight super fast, and she basically became a defensive addict. By time she was done with work, she'd be crashing and irritable, and she'd take it out on me. Yell at me about stuff, twist my words up, just constant intense harassment.

Being that I was the stay at home dad and didn't have income, she got on this trip about how she thought the fact I didn't have 'an adult job' (watched 3 kids under 5yo all day is hard fuckin work yo), she was embarrassed by her emasculated husband. She started saying I was a dead beat and 'didn't do anything around the house', even though I kept the place clean, did all the chores, watched the kids all day, changed diapers, etc. Total bullshit, but she would have it.

Eventually cut me off financially because 'she was sick of being my sugar momma', said it was because of my spending, and that if I needed any money, I'd have to manage it from my new $100 per month allowance. Funny thing is, I was super frugal, and anytime I'd try and show her bank and CC statements to prove I wasn't spending much at all, she'd just flip out and change the subject.

Then she starts diagnosing me with stuff. I think you might have this and that disorder (she has a mental health history filled with disorders, I don't, never have). She keeps pinning her disorders on me. It got wild. Our therapist even kind of chewed her out and they argued because she insisted I was OCPD and he tells her after like 20 sessions it never crossed his mind that I was OCPD.

Being that I was cutoff financially, and she was now being locked out of the bedroom at night because my OCPD was 'driving her nuts', she says if I don't get put on meds she would file for divorce. I say fuck it, go see a psychiatrist without a referral, and he says I don't have OCPD, but says I can try an SSRI if it will help the wife feel better. Dude starts me on a massive dose which makes me so sick I check into the ER because my wife started harassing me while I was having panic attacks from the meds, to the point she threatens to kill my cat. I didn't leave, but slept on the couch. Next morning, wife gets pissed because my cat woke her up, she throws my cat across the room, basically says she'll beat me up if I don't get out of her house. I woke up to this so I had a panic attack (still sick from meds), so that's when I go to ER. I show counselor at hospital video of wife threatening my cat and a bunch of psycho texts she sent me, and they tell me that I was just a victim of domestic abuse, and they think I panicked because I was afraid she was going to kill me. Tell me not to go home after they discharge me. I get discharged and drive to my mom's house, thinking I'll stay for a few days until things calm down with my wife. I'm instead met with a barrage of harassment over facebook, saying I can't see my kids if I don't apologize for 'abandoning her and the kids' and a bunch of other gaslighting nonsense.

When I come home a few days later, wife immediately attacks me while I'm hugging my daughter and knocks us both down. Right in front of my parents who came with me.

I should have called the cops, but I was so worried about her getting in trouble that I didn't. Instead, she filed a false order of protection claiming I attacked her, that I had moved out like 6 months prior and left her and the kids, and I had been 'freely wondering around her house without permission'. This forces me to have to stay at my mom's house, I end up not seeing my kids for 3 months as we both lawyer up only to find out she also filed for divorce. Never let me get any of my belongings. All of my stuff is still in the house 5 months later and she keeps lying through her teeth in court.

We finally just got back her mental health records, and it's so bad the GAL said she's going to recommend I be given full custody of the kids once I complete the bullshit supervised visitation process the judge wants me to complete 'just to be safe'. Judge said once I complete the 5 visits without issue, she'll know I'm safe to have the kids, and once that's in place she'll take GAL's recommendation for a change of custody.

My point being with all of this is that having finally received my wife's mental health records, I found an entire assessment for PTSD where she tried to flee an abusive relationship, got threatened, couldn't leave, had a panic attack from fear, fled to the hospital, and had trouble getting all of her stuff from her boyfriend that refused to let her back after she claimed DV.

It's almost as if my wife got strung out on amphetamines, and essentially put me through her trauma, as if she wanted revenge against this guy and took it out on me. I kept telling my lawyer that everything felt 'premeditated'.. as if she was pushing me into this situation so she could vengeance out on me, and looking at her mental health records, it straight up shows that she was put through a very similar situation about 10 years prior.

I honestly think this entire thing has been some giant act spawned from a 'cycle of abuse' my wife got mentally locked into once she succumbed to depression and substance abuse.

Sorry for the rant; my lawyer just emailed me a payload of medical records we finally received yesterday and I just had this massive epiphany about her past and how she seemingly reenacted her past trauma against me.

I knew my wife had a difficult history. Had told me of some sexual abuse and that she was in a physically abusive relationship at one point.After we had our 3rd child, due to complications from C-Section, she had to remain sedentary.She has severe hypothyroidism as well, so she quickly gained weight. After the previous two pregnancies, she also put on weight, but was able to manage her diet and exercise to more properly lose weight.This time around, she couldn't exercise due to C-Section complications (bleeding, etc) and what I thought was a long gone eating disorder quickly returned. If you have hypothyroidism and don't eat right, it can cause a hormone imbalance, mood swings, etc. The biggest thing it can cause is ADHD like symptoms that cause fatigue and brain fog. She got hit with this bad, and took a deep dive into post partum depression.Before I get any further, I absolutely hate having to talk this way about my wife. I have a heart filled with empathy and this entire situation has broken my heart into a million pieces.That said, between text messages, videos, and her medical records (gained via subpoena in our divorce), she lost it. Became irritable, angry, etc. After several months of not eating much at all (would go 5-10 days without a bowel movement), things got even worse and we ended up in counseling. At this point, she was stacking caffeine and ephedrine to facilitate weight loss. Sometimes like 800mg of caffeine + ephedrine every day to get needed energy from lack of food. She became so irrational that even our counselor told her 'she wasn't making sense' multiple times, and we openly discussed taking her to the ER. She was of course defensive. Counselor asked her to at least see a psychiatrist immediately.She went; medical records show she wasn't completely honest with psychiatrist about her medical history, and of course after the fact I research him and find out he's a pill pusher, and he put her on 20mgx3 daily of adderall.Her personality changed almost immediately. She was of course flying high from the amphetamines, it suppressed her appetite, she started losing weight super fast, and she basically became a defensive addict. By time she was done with work, she'd be crashing and irritable, and she'd take it out on me. Yell at me about stuff, twist my words up, just constant intense harassment.Being that I was the stay at home dad and didn't have income, she got on this trip about how she thought the fact I didn't have 'an adult job' (watched 3 kids under 5yo all day is hard fuckin work yo), she was embarrassed by her emasculated husband. She started saying I was a dead beat and 'didn't do anything around the house', even though I kept the place clean, did all the chores, watched the kids all day, changed diapers, etc. Total bullshit, but she would have it.Eventually cut me off financially because 'she was sick of being my sugar momma', said it was because of my spending, and that if I needed any money, I'd have to manage it from my new $100 per month allowance. Funny thing is, I was super frugal, and anytime I'd try and show her bank and CC statements to prove I wasn't spending much at all, she'd just flip out and change the subject.Then she starts diagnosing me with stuff. I think you might have this and that disorder (she has a mental health history filled with disorders, I don't, never have). She keeps pinning her disorders on me. It got wild. Our therapist even kind of chewed her out and they argued because she insisted I was OCPD and he tells her after like 20 sessions it never crossed his mind that I was OCPD.Being that I was cutoff financially, and she was now being locked out of the bedroom at night because my OCPD was 'driving her nuts', she says if I don't get put on meds she would file for divorce. I say fuck it, go see a psychiatrist without a referral, and he says I don't have OCPD, but says I can try an SSRI if it will help the wife feel better. Dude starts me on a massive dose which makes me so sick I check into the ER because my wife started harassing me while I was having panic attacks from the meds, to the point she threatens to kill my cat. I didn't leave, but slept on the couch. Next morning, wife gets pissed because my cat woke her up, she throws my cat across the room, basically says she'll beat me up if I don't get out of her house. I woke up to this so I had a panic attack (still sick from meds), so that's when I go to ER. I show counselor at hospital video of wife threatening my cat and a bunch of psycho texts she sent me, and they tell me that I was just a victim of domestic abuse, and they think I panicked because I was afraid she was going to kill me. Tell me not to go home after they discharge me. I get discharged and drive to my mom's house, thinking I'll stay for a few days until things calm down with my wife. I'm instead met with a barrage of harassment over facebook, saying I can't see my kids if I don't apologize for 'abandoning her and the kids' and a bunch of other gaslighting nonsense.When I come home a few days later, wife immediately attacks me while I'm hugging my daughter and knocks us both down. Right in front of my parents who came with me.I should have called the cops, but I was so worried about her getting in trouble that I didn't. Instead, she filed a false order of protection claiming I attacked her, that I had moved out like 6 months prior and left her and the kids, and I had been 'freely wondering around her house without permission'. This forces me to have to stay at my mom's house, I end up not seeing my kids for 3 months as we both lawyer up only to find out she also filed for divorce. Never let me get any of my belongings. All of my stuff is still in the house 5 months later and she keeps lying through her teeth in court.We finally just got back her mental health records, and it's so bad the GAL said she's going to recommend I be given full custody of the kids once I complete the bullshit supervised visitation process the judge wants me to complete 'just to be safe'. Judge said once I complete the 5 visits without issue, she'll know I'm safe to have the kids, and once that's in place she'll take GAL's recommendation for a change of custody.My point being with all of this is that having finally received my wife's mental health records, I found an entire assessment for PTSD where she tried to flee an abusive relationship, got threatened, couldn't leave, had a panic attack from fear, fled to the hospital, and had trouble getting all of her stuff from her boyfriend that refused to let her back after she claimed DV.It's almost as if my wife got strung out on amphetamines, and essentially put me through her trauma, as if she wanted revenge against this guy and took it out on me. I kept telling my lawyer that everything felt 'premeditated'.. as if she was pushing me into this situation so she could vengeance out on me, and looking at her mental health records, it straight up shows that she was put through a very similar situation about 10 years prior.I honestly think this entire thing has been some giant act spawned from a 'cycle of abuse' my wife got mentally locked into once she succumbed to depression and substance abuse.Sorry for the rant; my lawyer just emailed me a payload of medical records we finally received yesterday and I just had this massive epiphany about her past and how she seemingly reenacted her past trauma against me. https://ift.tt/40wLbrD https://ift.tt/ABSgiWb