Hello, I don’t really post much on this but I’ll try to keep things short.
I’m turning 21 in 2 days and I feel in a scarier place than I did when I was 18. I feel extremely lost and disappointed in myself.
I’ve always been smart from a young age, and now that I’m in University I just don’t care — I’ve failed my math exam twice now and have a repeat and if I fail again im out of my course. I don’t even know when the repeat is, I haven’t asked or checked my emails or anything.
Thats not just it, I’m doing my placement year and I’ve been avoiding my work, I do Software Engineering, and I hate it. I hide behind my laptop in my house, and I nap, I avoid calls, I don’t do work. Everything in my body tells me to work but I can’t seem to find it in myself to do it and I feel so ashamed because of it.
Then at the end of the month, I get paid. I get paid a good bit, but by the end of the week I have nothing left. I have to pay people back, pay my bills, then the rest I spend on drink and drugs. I have a girlfriend, and I would love to buy her stuff like she does with me, but I’m so fucking stupid with my money. I used to buy her everything last year and now I can’t even buy her flowers.
I go to the gym and I’m trying to diet but I can’t seem to stick to it. I’m always hungry, and I crave snacks all the time.
I want to be who I used to be before all this happened. I wish I was nicer to my parents, but I feel like I’m letting them down constantly, I don’t think I’m a good child. I think I’m selfish and destructive, and I don’t know how to change any of this. I just want them to be proud of me but I don’t see how anybody could be proud of me.
I get angry for no reason and I hate myself every time I get angry. I recently got diagnosed with PCOS which is an hormonal imbalance, as well as anxiety and depression and I tried to get help but it didn’t work.
I just want to make my family and girlfriend proud of me and I want to be a better person. I have absolutely no idea where to start and I’m honestly terrified of who I am. I’ve lost myself and I feel as though I’ve ruined my life and its all my fault.
TL:DR - I’m a dick and I have to deal with the consequences of my own actions. I’m struggling with the responsibilities that come with being an adult and I’m buckling under the weight of expectations.
Hello, I don’t really post much on this but I’ll try to keep things short.I’m turning 21 in 2 days and I feel in a scarier place than I did when I was 18. I feel extremely lost and disappointed in myself.I’ve always been smart from a young age, and now that I’m in University I just don’t care — I’ve failed my math exam twice now and have a repeat and if I fail again im out of my course. I don’t even know when the repeat is, I haven’t asked or checked my emails or anything.Thats not just it, I’m doing my placement year and I’ve been avoiding my work, I do Software Engineering, and I hate it. I hide behind my laptop in my house, and I nap, I avoid calls, I don’t do work. Everything in my body tells me to work but I can’t seem to find it in myself to do it and I feel so ashamed because of it.Then at the end of the month, I get paid. I get paid a good bit, but by the end of the week I have nothing left. I have to pay people back, pay my bills, then the rest I spend on drink and drugs. I have a girlfriend, and I would love to buy her stuff like she does with me, but I’m so fucking stupid with my money. I used to buy her everything last year and now I can’t even buy her flowers.I go to the gym and I’m trying to diet but I can’t seem to stick to it. I’m always hungry, and I crave snacks all the time.I want to be who I used to be before all this happened. I wish I was nicer to my parents, but I feel like I’m letting them down constantly, I don’t think I’m a good child. I think I’m selfish and destructive, and I don’t know how to change any of this. I just want them to be proud of me but I don’t see how anybody could be proud of me.I get angry for no reason and I hate myself every time I get angry. I recently got diagnosed with PCOS which is an hormonal imbalance, as well as anxiety and depression and I tried to get help but it didn’t work.I just want to make my family and girlfriend proud of me and I want to be a better person. I have absolutely no idea where to start and I’m honestly terrified of who I am. I’ve lost myself and I feel as though I’ve ruined my life and its all my fault.TL:DR - I’m a dick and I have to deal with the consequences of my own actions. I’m struggling with the responsibilities that come with being an adult and I’m buckling under the weight of expectations. https://ift.tt/lKhV5AN https://ift.tt/eLbR6hn
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