First some context, my wife (22) and I (24) have been married for a little over a year. We dated for 3 months, I felt like she was the one so I proposed, we had a year and a half engagement and now have been married since summer last year. During our 3 month dating period we had sex pretty regularly, after we got engaged I moved in with her in the town she went to college in and we had some friction in the relationship because we’re both Christian’s and decided it was best to not have sex while engaged, or at least until we felt like we were both ready, I struggled with porn pretty much all my life and that became more pronounced while engaged and eventually I figured out how to get a handle on it and have significantly less of a problem since then but it still cultivated more of a self image problem for her. She was sexually assaulted in previous relationships which made her think that her job was to have sex whenever her significant other wanted to, which obviously is not true and I helped her heal that train of thought to some degree but that introduced even more issues because now she never feels like having sex because of mental blocks she’s put up due to the trauma she finally realized she had after changing her mindset.
Which leads me into the main issue. I could count on 1 or maybe 2 hands the number of times we’ve had sex this year and I can only think of 2 times where she was completely sober which really really hurts me. It makes me feel like she hates having sex with me and only wants me around to be emotional support and financial support and to eventually be the dad to her kids without letting me have anything in that realm and it also just makes me feel disrespected and used. She says she wants to have sex with me but just can’t get past her own mental blocks without alcohol. She also has hormonal imbalances with her lubrication (for lack of a better term) and she has reactions to most lubes which makes having sex less than enjoyable for her. Which she just went to the doctor for which is good.
The other problem with that is I know that she doesn’t want to but I try quite often to get her to, nothing aggressive but I try a lot which she is never receptive to and usually it makes her upset. Well I inadvertently put up a mental block on that part of my mind to prevent problems between us on that front, and so now I’ve been having a really hard time even wanting to have sex with her and it’s really making me rethink a lot of our relationship.
I don’t need to have sex every single day but more than 8 times a year IS something that I need. But im really frustrated and hurt and I feel really used and I don’t know if im even able to undo this block or at this point if I even want to.
Another problem is I am a very physical touch centric person, I crave physical affection, and she does an extremely poor job of doing anything for me on that front, even after having asked her to on several occasions. She expects me to do intimate personal things for her like put on her pajamas and get her late night snacks and get stuff when she doesn’t want to get up and a lot of other things but never takes the time to do any of those little things for me that I crave.
So she is doing some things to help like going to the doctor to help with the physical side of things but the emotional and mental side of everything she has done essentially nothing to help. She met with a woman in our church once a couple months ago and that’s only when I really pushed it.
I love her to death, but I’m really starting to reach a burnout. I have done so much to reduce and eliminate my porn usage and keep myself from trying to make advances when she isn’t ready and I just don’t know what to do. I know myself well enough to know it will take years to work through this with her and I just have no idea if it’s even worth it. I just am so torn and I just want to feel like I’m good enough and I just dont.
I’m sorry if this is a jumbled mess, I am just so distraught and my thoughts are everywhere and have been for days. I haven’t talked to her about any of my latest feelings about this yet because I don’t even know what I’d say or where I’d start. She’s noticing I’ve been more distant and much less touchy and I’m going to have to confront her about it eventually but it’s going to hurt her and I don’t want to do that but I also don’t want to be perpetually miserable. This might not even be so much of an advice post as it is me just venting somewhere. If you have any advice, feel free to give it. She really is an amazing human being and I love her to death but this is something that is extremely important to me and she just isn’t delivering how I need her to.
First some context, my wife (22) and I (24) have been married for a little over a year. We dated for 3 months, I felt like she was the one so I proposed, we had a year and a half engagement and now have been married since summer last year. During our 3 month dating period we had sex pretty regularly, after we got engaged I moved in with her in the town she went to college in and we had some friction in the relationship because we’re both Christian’s and decided it was best to not have sex while engaged, or at least until we felt like we were both ready, I struggled with porn pretty much all my life and that became more pronounced while engaged and eventually I figured out how to get a handle on it and have significantly less of a problem since then but it still cultivated more of a self image problem for her. She was sexually assaulted in previous relationships which made her think that her job was to have sex whenever her significant other wanted to, which obviously is not true and I helped her heal that train of thought to some degree but that introduced even more issues because now she never feels like having sex because of mental blocks she’s put up due to the trauma she finally realized she had after changing her mindset.Which leads me into the main issue. I could count on 1 or maybe 2 hands the number of times we’ve had sex this year and I can only think of 2 times where she was completely sober which really really hurts me. It makes me feel like she hates having sex with me and only wants me around to be emotional support and financial support and to eventually be the dad to her kids without letting me have anything in that realm and it also just makes me feel disrespected and used. She says she wants to have sex with me but just can’t get past her own mental blocks without alcohol. She also has hormonal imbalances with her lubrication (for lack of a better term) and she has reactions to most lubes which makes having sex less than enjoyable for her. Which she just went to the doctor for which is good.The other problem with that is I know that she doesn’t want to but I try quite often to get her to, nothing aggressive but I try a lot which she is never receptive to and usually it makes her upset. Well I inadvertently put up a mental block on that part of my mind to prevent problems between us on that front, and so now I’ve been having a really hard time even wanting to have sex with her and it’s really making me rethink a lot of our relationship.I don’t need to have sex every single day but more than 8 times a year IS something that I need. But im really frustrated and hurt and I feel really used and I don’t know if im even able to undo this block or at this point if I even want to.Another problem is I am a very physical touch centric person, I crave physical affection, and she does an extremely poor job of doing anything for me on that front, even after having asked her to on several occasions. She expects me to do intimate personal things for her like put on her pajamas and get her late night snacks and get stuff when she doesn’t want to get up and a lot of other things but never takes the time to do any of those little things for me that I crave.So she is doing some things to help like going to the doctor to help with the physical side of things but the emotional and mental side of everything she has done essentially nothing to help. She met with a woman in our church once a couple months ago and that’s only when I really pushed it.I love her to death, but I’m really starting to reach a burnout. I have done so much to reduce and eliminate my porn usage and keep myself from trying to make advances when she isn’t ready and I just don’t know what to do. I know myself well enough to know it will take years to work through this with her and I just have no idea if it’s even worth it. I just am so torn and I just want to feel like I’m good enough and I just dont.I’m sorry if this is a jumbled mess, I am just so distraught and my thoughts are everywhere and have been for days. I haven’t talked to her about any of my latest feelings about this yet because I don’t even know what I’d say or where I’d start. She’s noticing I’ve been more distant and much less touchy and I’m going to have to confront her about it eventually but it’s going to hurt her and I don’t want to do that but I also don’t want to be perpetually miserable. This might not even be so much of an advice post as it is me just venting somewhere. If you have any advice, feel free to give it. She really is an amazing human being and I love her to death but this is something that is extremely important to me and she just isn’t delivering how I need her to. https://ift.tt/hsSfCAH https://ift.tt/vLDEg25
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