I've been hanging out with straight cis guys lately, and, though I really like hanging out with them, it does make some situations strange. They don't know I'm trans, and even if we get along very well, I feel really weird keeping a huge part of my life hidden from them. I'm always scared they're going to find out, and I think most of them wouldn't understand it if they were to know (and at least treat me differently than they do now). I've always wanted to be stealth, am very happy with how things are but at the same time I have to change my reactions, my past and my habits to fit theirs when I do hang out with them. I'm still getting used to the different dynamics I have with men and women in all the different social settings now that I consistently pass. I do feel like my experience as a trans guy (as much as I wish I wasn't) has shaped me differently than my straight cis friends when it comes to experience so I'm sometimes having a hard time completely relating to them and feeling like I truly belong.
At the same time, I wouldn't consider myself queer and don't see myself hanging out only with LGBTQ+ people. In my uni, from what I've seen from the new people moving in, it's either groups of friends who come together on the foundation of being LGBT or just straight cis people. My previous group friends were a mix of both and there wasn't a clear gap between the two. Here it feels like it's either one or the other and I'm standing in the middle, leaning more towards the straight cis friend groups but not feeling like I totally belong. I'm a binary straight trans man so I don't feel one hundred percent comfortable staying in LGBT only spaces (because of the way people treat me when they know I'm a trans man and also some comments) but I also can't be totally myself on the other side.
I was gonna go with the mentality of "I'm not gonna say that I'm trans but I'm also not gonna hide it and they can do whatever they want with it " but a guy saw my ID and "guessed" that I'm trans. I panicked, convinced him that I'm not and simply have a hormone imbalance so I now don't have any other choice but to hide it.
Being stealth can be an isolating experience.
I've been hanging out with straight cis guys lately, and, though I really like hanging out with them, it does make some situations strange. They don't know I'm trans, and even if we get along very well, I feel really weird keeping a huge part of my life hidden from them. I'm always scared they're going to find out, and I think most of them wouldn't understand it if they were to know (and at least treat me differently than they do now). I've always wanted to be stealth, am very happy with how things are but at the same time I have to change my reactions, my past and my habits to fit theirs when I do hang out with them. I'm still getting used to the different dynamics I have with men and women in all the different social settings now that I consistently pass. I do feel like my experience as a trans guy (as much as I wish I wasn't) has shaped me differently than my straight cis friends when it comes to experience so I'm sometimes having a hard time completely relating to them and feeling like I truly belong.At the same time, I wouldn't consider myself queer and don't see myself hanging out only with LGBTQ+ people. In my uni, from what I've seen from the new people moving in, it's either groups of friends who come together on the foundation of being LGBT or just straight cis people. My previous group friends were a mix of both and there wasn't a clear gap between the two. Here it feels like it's either one or the other and I'm standing in the middle, leaning more towards the straight cis friend groups but not feeling like I totally belong. I'm a binary straight trans man so I don't feel one hundred percent comfortable staying in LGBT only spaces (because of the way people treat me when they know I'm a trans man and also some comments) but I also can't be totally myself on the other side.I was gonna go with the mentality of "I'm not gonna say that I'm trans but I'm also not gonna hide it and they can do whatever they want with it " but a guy saw my ID and "guessed" that I'm trans. I panicked, convinced him that I'm not and simply have a hormone imbalance so I now don't have any other choice but to hide it.Being stealth can be an isolating experience. https://ift.tt/v7KT03I https://ift.tt/p7P9Iyx
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