warning: I will be mentioning that week of the month (I can’t even write it out) I’ll just call it *internal bleeding* because that’s what me and my mom call it.
BACKGROUND:
(16M) So I can‘t go to school when I’m having *internal bleeding* because of the dysphoria and anxiety it causes. (General discomfort, afraid of needing to ask someone for supplies, being intensely grossed out by an organ that feels like a parasite inside of me)
I started homeschooling in the middle of last year because I was missing too much school and my counselor was going to make me make up for it in summer school (even though I was doing all the work)
I’ve been on T for about 6/7 months now and have seen no changes because of how low of a dose my doctor will allow. This was very disappointing because she said that the *internal bleeding* would stop by now/6-7 months of being on T. (yes I know everyone’s different) but NOW she’s saying that I have to take it really slow or else I’ll get super depressed and sick.
NOW:
I’ve handled T well, haven’t gotten any signs of emotiona/mental changes, but still she won’t up the dose more than a tiny but every two months. But I cannot deal with the internal bleeding, so I asked her when I could come in to see her to discuss options to stop that. She said that she’s booked all year and that the only time I can see her is at Teen Clinic.
I came in expecting it to be confidential and run by adults or something, but no. The person who’s running it is someone I know from middle school. First thing that made me uncomfortable. She gives me this packet and I think to myself “okay this is fine, I’ll just hand this to an adult when I’m done right?”
The questions were like every other form I have to fill out (gender, sex, sexuality, are you active, etc.) The girl next to me kept looking at my form as I filled out the sex/gender stuff and I felt like I was being outed.
When I finished, I asked who I should hand the papers to and the girl at the desk (old middle school acquaintance) says “I’ll take it” immediately I’m like no, I’m not about to hand my personal information to you. I do anyways since I just need the injections I literally just want this to be over.
One minute later of her looking over my paper, she says “hey you forgot to fill this out“ I look at it and it’s the sexuality box. As if they NEED to know who I could possibly be interacting with. So I fill out the heterosexual box. Sit back down. I wait an entire hour and a half until I get called in.
I get called in and it’s not the doctor I need to see, just a nurse. She asks me *again* if I’m sexually arrive (as if I didn’t just fill out a form saying I’m not) she takes my blood pressure/weight and leaves. I’m alone for more than 20 minutes before my doctor comes in. Asks my last name (she doesn’t remember who I am just like every time we’ve met) asks if I’m sexually active. I say no again. She says well if you decide to become active, just know that depo doesn’t act as a contraceptive until nine days in. Just blatantly disregarding the fact that I’m not gay, and I’m definitely not having the kind of sex that will get me pregnant.
She leaves. Nurse comes back again and gives me the injection. Tells me AGAIN that it won’t work as a contraceptive and to use condoms so I don’t get pregnant. Yeah, wouldn’t want to get a potential girlfriend pregnant with a strap on (I’m sorry for the sarcasm I’m stressed out an annoyed). I said that I’m straight and she just kind of looked at me funny before letting me leave.
Over all, I felt disregarded by what I was telling the doctors. It’s like they just assume that I’m coming in for contraception rather than to stop the internal bleeding that happens monthly. I keep telling them over and over. I’m not going to be with a man, I have no chance of getting pregnant. I know that theyre just doing their job, but I’ve told them over and over that I have no chance of getting pregnant because of my sexuality and personal comfort.
I just want to see a doctor that doesn’t look at me weird when I tell them my sexuality. I feel like there’s this thing where trans men are thiught to always be attracted to other men in some way either being gay or under the bisexual umbrella, and when I tell people I’m straight they just don’t believe me or something. It drains me to have to repeat the same stuff over and over again just to have people keep pestering me about pregnancy.
UPDATE: the doctor I’ve been seeing is a very conservative “womens“ (in quotes because that’s what she calls herself and it’s obviously excluding anyone who needs that care and isn’t a woman) healthcare worker and doesn’t know what she’s doing when it comes to trans HRT. Basically she didn’t understand that by giving me such small doses that she was actually causing more risk of hormone imbalance than by just giving me a larger dose. We got in contact with my case manager and he said that he can switch me to a trans friendly doctor AS WELL as starting the top surgery plans that she refused to take part in. Very happy about that but also pissed that I had to go through her for months of lying to me about stigmas surrounding trans men and not knowing enough to be a safe person to go to.
warning: I will be mentioning that week of the month (I can’t even write it out) I’ll just call it *internal bleeding* because that’s what me and my mom call it.BACKGROUND:(16M) So I can‘t go to school when I’m having *internal bleeding* because of the dysphoria and anxiety it causes. (General discomfort, afraid of needing to ask someone for supplies, being intensely grossed out by an organ that feels like a parasite inside of me)I started homeschooling in the middle of last year because I was missing too much school and my counselor was going to make me make up for it in summer school (even though I was doing all the work)I’ve been on T for about 6/7 months now and have seen no changes because of how low of a dose my doctor will allow. This was very disappointing because she said that the *internal bleeding* would stop by now/6-7 months of being on T. (yes I know everyone’s different) but NOW she’s saying that I have to take it really slow or else I’ll get super depressed and sick.NOW:I’ve handled T well, haven’t gotten any signs of emotiona/mental changes, but still she won’t up the dose more than a tiny but every two months. But I cannot deal with the internal bleeding, so I asked her when I could come in to see her to discuss options to stop that. She said that she’s booked all year and that the only time I can see her is at Teen Clinic.I came in expecting it to be confidential and run by adults or something, but no. The person who’s running it is someone I know from middle school. First thing that made me uncomfortable. She gives me this packet and I think to myself “okay this is fine, I’ll just hand this to an adult when I’m done right?”The questions were like every other form I have to fill out (gender, sex, sexuality, are you active, etc.) The girl next to me kept looking at my form as I filled out the sex/gender stuff and I felt like I was being outed.When I finished, I asked who I should hand the papers to and the girl at the desk (old middle school acquaintance) says “I’ll take it” immediately I’m like no, I’m not about to hand my personal information to you. I do anyways since I just need the injections I literally just want this to be over.One minute later of her looking over my paper, she says “hey you forgot to fill this out“ I look at it and it’s the sexuality box. As if they NEED to know who I could possibly be interacting with. So I fill out the heterosexual box. Sit back down. I wait an entire hour and a half until I get called in.I get called in and it’s not the doctor I need to see, just a nurse. She asks me *again* if I’m sexually arrive (as if I didn’t just fill out a form saying I’m not) she takes my blood pressure/weight and leaves. I’m alone for more than 20 minutes before my doctor comes in. Asks my last name (she doesn’t remember who I am just like every time we’ve met) asks if I’m sexually active. I say no again. She says well if you decide to become active, just know that depo doesn’t act as a contraceptive until nine days in. Just blatantly disregarding the fact that I’m not gay, and I’m definitely not having the kind of sex that will get me pregnant.She leaves. Nurse comes back again and gives me the injection. Tells me AGAIN that it won’t work as a contraceptive and to use condoms so I don’t get pregnant. Yeah, wouldn’t want to get a potential girlfriend pregnant with a strap on (I’m sorry for the sarcasm I’m stressed out an annoyed). I said that I’m straight and she just kind of looked at me funny before letting me leave.Over all, I felt disregarded by what I was telling the doctors. It’s like they just assume that I’m coming in for contraception rather than to stop the internal bleeding that happens monthly. I keep telling them over and over. I’m not going to be with a man, I have no chance of getting pregnant. I know that theyre just doing their job, but I’ve told them over and over that I have no chance of getting pregnant because of my sexuality and personal comfort.I just want to see a doctor that doesn’t look at me weird when I tell them my sexuality. I feel like there’s this thing where trans men are thiught to always be attracted to other men in some way either being gay or under the bisexual umbrella, and when I tell people I’m straight they just don’t believe me or something. It drains me to have to repeat the same stuff over and over again just to have people keep pestering me about pregnancy.UPDATE: the doctor I’ve been seeing is a very conservative “womens“ (in quotes because that’s what she calls herself and it’s obviously excluding anyone who needs that care and isn’t a woman) healthcare worker and doesn’t know what she’s doing when it comes to trans HRT. Basically she didn’t understand that by giving me such small doses that she was actually causing more risk of hormone imbalance than by just giving me a larger dose. We got in contact with my case manager and he said that he can switch me to a trans friendly doctor AS WELL as starting the top surgery plans that she refused to take part in. Very happy about that but also pissed that I had to go through her for months of lying to me about stigmas surrounding trans men and not knowing enough to be a safe person to go to. https://ift.tt/RoDp8NM https://ift.tt/HsMIRAS
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