I've been with my current GF for about a year and a half. We started dating our last year in college and worked at the same place on campus. It was really great. She was super good to me and taught me that I could be loved and for a good while I was really happy. However for the past few months things have taken a sort of dive. Between graduation, getting full time jobs, and moving, a lot of changes have occurred for the two of us. But we're still in the same city and still do a lot of the same things and I see her all the time. I really don't know when it started, but nowadays it just feels like everything sets her off. She'll take something totally harmless as a personal attack, she's anxious about her looks all the time even though I tell her I think she's beautiful, she's anxious about the idea of applying for grad school, she thinks she's not cool enough for me. I know these are things that a lot of people feel, but sometimes it is completely unwarranted. Last week she started a fight with me because the light to my bedroom in my new apartment is attached to the ceiling fan and she can't reach it. She wanted me to find a way to make it work on a wall switch and I told her I didn't think that was an option and she got pissed. What am I supposed to do about that? Then other days are completely great and there's no problems at all.
I've sat her down and talked with her about how these episodes make me feel, how she gives me the cold shoulder and only one word responses when she's sad, and how I want to help her get better. In the past she's told me how she doesn't like it when I try to fix her problems because "what works for me doesn't work for her, and sometimes she just needs to ride the mood out". I get that, but it doesn't make riding it out any less hell for me, just sitting and wondering if she's sad because of me or something completely unrelated. Sometimes I wonder if it is the birth control and the hormonal imbalances that brings. I told her I would be okay going back to condoms only but she hasn't decided to go off the pill. She used to go to therapy years ago, but that stopped and doesn't really show signs of returning.
The most recent development for about a month or two now is that she has told me that when she gets moody she needs me to tell her so she can reflect and calm down. I've been doing that (even though I don't like having authority over when she's allowed to be sad) and it usually works. She calms down, maybe cries a little, and apologizes and things are back to normal. I'm glad this is working, but it doesn't address the root problem. The sad moments are getting remedied but the rate at which they come hasn't changed. To be clear, the only thing she does to me when she's sad is ignore me or get short with me, she has never laid a finger on me. If that was the case I would be gone.
I just don't know what to do at this point. I love her so much, but the fact that these episodes occur every week, sometimes more than once, is becoming exhausting. I just need someone's perspective other than my own on this.
I've been with my current GF for about a year and a half. We started dating our last year in college and worked at the same place on campus. It was really great. She was super good to me and taught me that I could be loved and for a good while I was really happy. However for the past few months things have taken a sort of dive. Between graduation, getting full time jobs, and moving, a lot of changes have occurred for the two of us. But we're still in the same city and still do a lot of the same things and I see her all the time. I really don't know when it started, but nowadays it just feels like everything sets her off. She'll take something totally harmless as a personal attack, she's anxious about her looks all the time even though I tell her I think she's beautiful, she's anxious about the idea of applying for grad school, she thinks she's not cool enough for me. I know these are things that a lot of people feel, but sometimes it is completely unwarranted. Last week she started a fight with me because the light to my bedroom in my new apartment is attached to the ceiling fan and she can't reach it. She wanted me to find a way to make it work on a wall switch and I told her I didn't think that was an option and she got pissed. What am I supposed to do about that? Then other days are completely great and there's no problems at all.I've sat her down and talked with her about how these episodes make me feel, how she gives me the cold shoulder and only one word responses when she's sad, and how I want to help her get better. In the past she's told me how she doesn't like it when I try to fix her problems because "what works for me doesn't work for her, and sometimes she just needs to ride the mood out". I get that, but it doesn't make riding it out any less hell for me, just sitting and wondering if she's sad because of me or something completely unrelated. Sometimes I wonder if it is the birth control and the hormonal imbalances that brings. I told her I would be okay going back to condoms only but she hasn't decided to go off the pill. She used to go to therapy years ago, but that stopped and doesn't really show signs of returning.The most recent development for about a month or two now is that she has told me that when she gets moody she needs me to tell her so she can reflect and calm down. I've been doing that (even though I don't like having authority over when she's allowed to be sad) and it usually works. She calms down, maybe cries a little, and apologizes and things are back to normal. I'm glad this is working, but it doesn't address the root problem. The sad moments are getting remedied but the rate at which they come hasn't changed. To be clear, the only thing she does to me when she's sad is ignore me or get short with me, she has never laid a finger on me. If that was the case I would be gone.I just don't know what to do at this point. I love her so much, but the fact that these episodes occur every week, sometimes more than once, is becoming exhausting. I just need someone's perspective other than my own on this. https://ift.tt/uOiqhsY https://ift.tt/AYKpqFx
Comments
Post a Comment