TLDR: Had a complete and total mental breakdown out of nowhere that led to me having to leave early and everybody being mad at me.
I (F22) Spent Thanksgiving with my father yesterday. I haven't fought with him in 4 years, I get along great with his fiance. She and I have never fought either. This might be important later.
I was getting along fine with everybody, I didn't feel any negative emotions, I was just fine. The only people around was my dad, His fiance, And us 3 kids. Me, My 23F sister and 16M brother... So it definitely wasn't a large crowd and I could handle it.
However... I believe a few factors played into what happened. First of all, From the moment I got there to the moment I left the TV had been blasting at full volume, Everybody was having to yell to hear each other most of the time... My sister talked nonstop And anytime I needed to say anything or do anything that interrupted her she got irritated, I have been dealing with insomnia all month. I was running on 2 hours of sleep, And There was previous drama between my older brother and my sister. I had just been thrown away by my own brother who I had done absolutely everything for for years and grown close to... All because I took my sister's side after he literally beat her up. So I was having all kinds of emotions because of that I hadn't been able to Express at this point. I also recently got my birth control implant removed from my arm so my body is trying to regulate my hormones again.
Hell the day before I got mad at nothing in the kitchen and had to sit on the couch for 10 minutes to cry. Stuff like that is happening a lot as a result of my hormonal imbalances.
Something else to note is that I have moderately severe depression and I have been diagnosed with bipolar as well. I don't take medication for it. And as long as I'm around people who don't try to purposefully initiate drama... It doesn't affect me very often.
I wasn't feeling well though, I had been at my dad's house in this chaotic environment for like 6 and a half hours. I finally suggested that maybe I could lay down in the guest room until my boyfriend got off work, Or until somebody could take me home as I don't drive.
I know that nobody would have had an issue with any of that but there was an entire back-and-forth thing between my dad and my sister where Neither of them really wanted to take me home but they finally agreed on something and that was the end of it I thought. Id go with my sister in 45 minutes.
And then my sister kept asking questions and misunderstanding things, I kept having to repeat myself which I did not have the energy to keep dealing with and then my dad's fiance started asking me a question about me going home. She didn't know what was going on because she had been in the other room so when I was answering to her everybody was chiming in telling me to drop it or asking questions that I had already answered over and over again while misunderstanding, And being aggressive about it it almost felt like.
Literally all I was doing was answering her question. And things also could have been dropped from there, I wasn't begging to be taken home or making a big deal out of it I just made 1 comment 1 time about me laying down for a few minutes. Then my dads fiance Kept telling him that They needed to take me home, He didn't want to, And she got kind of a fine I'll do it myself kind of attitude. Dad got irritated.
And somehow everybody was under the impression that I was throwing a fit about not being able to go home right then and there.
Eventually I just snapped I don't even know what all I said but I was spewing F bombs left and right and Mostly getting irritated with my sister. To which I then got yelled at by my dad. Made to feel like I wasn't welcome there or like I ruined the night. Taken home like I was in trouble. Yelled at in the car by both of them... But eventually my dad's fiance switched up and was acting nice to me and tried to console me and calm me down. Which I seriously needed but struggled with.
I was crying so hard I was hyperventilating, Was so frustrated, And I think that just I was overwhelmed, Exhausted, Overstimulated, Had been bottling up all kinds of frustration and stress, And ineffectively trying to get everybody on the same page while nobody was listening to anybody just it was too much... It was all too much... She also thinks that my imbalanced hormones had a lot to do with it.
It's not the 1st time I've had a complete breakdown like this and it's not the 1st time I have watched myself do something and not understand why I was doing it and not have any control over the fact that it was happening knowing damn well I would be facing the consequences of it when I completely snapped out of it.
I cried for hours when I was finally alone. I had such a bad headache, And I slept about 10 hours straight and im still just exhausted.
I'm incredibly embarrassed and I've apologized to the brother and sister that were present during that and especially to my sister who I took a lot of that out on.
I didn't mean to ruin Thanksgiving for my family but moments like that happen Often out of nowhere and without any warning. When my dad was married to my stepmom who was a narcissist years ago... These kind of things would happen almost daily.
I just wish I understood what the hell was wrong with me. It's like I black out but I don't. I just want it to stop effecting my life. I mean I have no control over it and have no idea when or if something like that is going to happen. It makes me not wanna leave the house or hang out with people or go to parties or restaurants or anything.
And the scariest part of it to me is that nobody else seems to understand that I don't have any control of it. They just think I'm being an asshole for no reason and making excuses for it. I truly don't do it on purpose.
It's so frustrating.
It also hurts to know that my dad had just been talking about how my little brother almost didn't come to Thanksgiving because he says he doesn't really associate with this sort of a family... And because of the breakdown I had... That this is probably why.
Like...gee thanks. Makes me feel so much better to know that you think it's my fault that people don't want to be around us.
TLDR: Had a complete and total mental breakdown out of nowhere that led to me having to leave early and everybody being mad at me.I (F22) Spent Thanksgiving with my father yesterday. I haven't fought with him in 4 years, I get along great with his fiance. She and I have never fought either. This might be important later.I was getting along fine with everybody, I didn't feel any negative emotions, I was just fine. The only people around was my dad, His fiance, And us 3 kids. Me, My 23F sister and 16M brother... So it definitely wasn't a large crowd and I could handle it.However... I believe a few factors played into what happened. First of all, From the moment I got there to the moment I left the TV had been blasting at full volume, Everybody was having to yell to hear each other most of the time... My sister talked nonstop And anytime I needed to say anything or do anything that interrupted her she got irritated, I have been dealing with insomnia all month. I was running on 2 hours of sleep, And There was previous drama between my older brother and my sister. I had just been thrown away by my own brother who I had done absolutely everything for for years and grown close to... All because I took my sister's side after he literally beat her up. So I was having all kinds of emotions because of that I hadn't been able to Express at this point. I also recently got my birth control implant removed from my arm so my body is trying to regulate my hormones again.Hell the day before I got mad at nothing in the kitchen and had to sit on the couch for 10 minutes to cry. Stuff like that is happening a lot as a result of my hormonal imbalances.Something else to note is that I have moderately severe depression and I have been diagnosed with bipolar as well. I don't take medication for it. And as long as I'm around people who don't try to purposefully initiate drama... It doesn't affect me very often.I wasn't feeling well though, I had been at my dad's house in this chaotic environment for like 6 and a half hours. I finally suggested that maybe I could lay down in the guest room until my boyfriend got off work, Or until somebody could take me home as I don't drive.I know that nobody would have had an issue with any of that but there was an entire back-and-forth thing between my dad and my sister where Neither of them really wanted to take me home but they finally agreed on something and that was the end of it I thought. Id go with my sister in 45 minutes.And then my sister kept asking questions and misunderstanding things, I kept having to repeat myself which I did not have the energy to keep dealing with and then my dad's fiance started asking me a question about me going home. She didn't know what was going on because she had been in the other room so when I was answering to her everybody was chiming in telling me to drop it or asking questions that I had already answered over and over again while misunderstanding, And being aggressive about it it almost felt like.Literally all I was doing was answering her question. And things also could have been dropped from there, I wasn't begging to be taken home or making a big deal out of it I just made 1 comment 1 time about me laying down for a few minutes. Then my dads fiance Kept telling him that They needed to take me home, He didn't want to, And she got kind of a fine I'll do it myself kind of attitude. Dad got irritated.And somehow everybody was under the impression that I was throwing a fit about not being able to go home right then and there.Eventually I just snapped I don't even know what all I said but I was spewing F bombs left and right and Mostly getting irritated with my sister. To which I then got yelled at by my dad. Made to feel like I wasn't welcome there or like I ruined the night. Taken home like I was in trouble. Yelled at in the car by both of them... But eventually my dad's fiance switched up and was acting nice to me and tried to console me and calm me down. Which I seriously needed but struggled with.I was crying so hard I was hyperventilating, Was so frustrated, And I think that just I was overwhelmed, Exhausted, Overstimulated, Had been bottling up all kinds of frustration and stress, And ineffectively trying to get everybody on the same page while nobody was listening to anybody just it was too much... It was all too much... She also thinks that my imbalanced hormones had a lot to do with it.It's not the 1st time I've had a complete breakdown like this and it's not the 1st time I have watched myself do something and not understand why I was doing it and not have any control over the fact that it was happening knowing damn well I would be facing the consequences of it when I completely snapped out of it.I cried for hours when I was finally alone. I had such a bad headache, And I slept about 10 hours straight and im still just exhausted.I'm incredibly embarrassed and I've apologized to the brother and sister that were present during that and especially to my sister who I took a lot of that out on.I didn't mean to ruin Thanksgiving for my family but moments like that happen Often out of nowhere and without any warning. When my dad was married to my stepmom who was a narcissist years ago... These kind of things would happen almost daily.I just wish I understood what the hell was wrong with me. It's like I black out but I don't. I just want it to stop effecting my life. I mean I have no control over it and have no idea when or if something like that is going to happen. It makes me not wanna leave the house or hang out with people or go to parties or restaurants or anything.And the scariest part of it to me is that nobody else seems to understand that I don't have any control of it. They just think I'm being an asshole for no reason and making excuses for it. I truly don't do it on purpose.It's so frustrating.It also hurts to know that my dad had just been talking about how my little brother almost didn't come to Thanksgiving because he says he doesn't really associate with this sort of a family... And because of the breakdown I had... That this is probably why.Like...gee thanks. Makes me feel so much better to know that you think it's my fault that people don't want to be around us. https://ift.tt/4gMHbUs https://ift.tt/xWBPLc7
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