F19 and currently out in space. I am so frustrated. The smallest change in routine causes me to disassociate. I am so frustrated with not knowing what is going on, struggling to figure out what time and day it is. It is like going through life drunk. It seems to be getting better, but here I am again with two assignments due and struggling to figure out how to do the most basic of tasks.
It started when I began university about six months ago and I first flagged it (I think) because of memory loss. I was meeting people again and again and again and couldn’t remember their names. I connected the dots that I cannot remember periods of time when I am disassociated. I think it has gotten a lot less frequent and less severe but I don’t know what to do. It is so unpredictable and once it starts I feel like I am wandering through a haze. I think this may have happened for the first time during the pandemic when I was in my last two years of high school, but I really have no idea.
This morning I was having a good day and went to the gym and grocery store with no issues. Now I am trying to scrape together scraps of ability to write my essays.
This can’t be normal, can it? I have a therapist but he mostly suggests things like “feeling your feelings”. Diagnosed with adhd if that helps. I have tried being compassionate with myself to the point of a literal baby talk end it helps me do things but it doesn’t stop the disassociation. Could it be my vegetarian (and milk/yogurt free) diet, a hormone imbalance, a disorder? I hate feeling like a normal(ish) human one hour and then a vegetable the next. Off to call my family until someone tells me wtf to do with myself
F19 and currently out in space. I am so frustrated. The smallest change in routine causes me to disassociate. I am so frustrated with not knowing what is going on, struggling to figure out what time and day it is. It is like going through life drunk. It seems to be getting better, but here I am again with two assignments due and struggling to figure out how to do the most basic of tasks.It started when I began university about six months ago and I first flagged it (I think) because of memory loss. I was meeting people again and again and again and couldn’t remember their names. I connected the dots that I cannot remember periods of time when I am disassociated. I think it has gotten a lot less frequent and less severe but I don’t know what to do. It is so unpredictable and once it starts I feel like I am wandering through a haze. I think this may have happened for the first time during the pandemic when I was in my last two years of high school, but I really have no idea.This morning I was having a good day and went to the gym and grocery store with no issues. Now I am trying to scrape together scraps of ability to write my essays.This can’t be normal, can it? I have a therapist but he mostly suggests things like “feeling your feelings”. Diagnosed with adhd if that helps. I have tried being compassionate with myself to the point of a literal baby talk end it helps me do things but it doesn’t stop the disassociation. Could it be my vegetarian (and milk/yogurt free) diet, a hormone imbalance, a disorder? I hate feeling like a normal(ish) human one hour and then a vegetable the next. Off to call my family until someone tells me wtf to do with myself https://ift.tt/xwEzWcM https://ift.tt/O0rEhB8
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