Please, no judgement comments. I am venting, taking accountability, and seeking help and support.
I grew up in a family with a mother who had a severe opioid addiction (mostly pain killers) and a father that was absent in that he was working 7 days a week and rarely home.
My parents fought A LOT. I never grew up thinking my home was unsafe or abusive - we had a lot of money and lived in a wealthy neighborhood in a nice home. As an adult with a almost 5 year old and an 8 month old, I’m realizing I may be from an abusive background and am finding myself being abusive to my almost 5 year old.
I was hit occasionally as a child, but more so I was verbally and emotionally abused and it caused me to develop a bit of an anger issue that I am now really seeing in myself.
We have had a tough year with our 4 - almost 5 year old. Adjusting to a new baby in the family has been hard for him. I’m not sure if it’s the sleep deprivation, the hormone imbalance from breastfeeding, or what, but I’m finding myself spanking my child (something I have previously been very against). Tonight, I broke. My oldest son was throwing a temper tantrum and ended up throwing a hard plastic toy at the baby, hitting him hard in the head, and continued to throw things. I smacked his face out of pure reaction and rage and picked up the baby to see if he was ok.
I’ve noticed myself becoming more and more unable to control the rage I’m experiencing when dealing with him. I feel like I’m forgetting to take a breath and take a step back.
This wasn’t an issue for me before giving birth to our second son and I really feel like something is wrong.
I am ashamed. I haven’t been able to stop crying for the last 3 hours. I am a horrible mother and need serious development skills over my emotions. I’m writing this in search of solutions in terms of types of therapy to seek out for myself, anger management(?), medication(?).
I’ve been having a VERY rough time at home with my husband. He has a drinking problem and so many other issues. I am responsible for the majority of our bills as well as taking care of both our children. He almost never makes it home for dinner or bedtime.
I feel like I’m breaking and becoming a bad person. I need help and suggestions.
Please, no judgement comments. I am venting, taking accountability, and seeking help and support.I grew up in a family with a mother who had a severe opioid addiction (mostly pain killers) and a father that was absent in that he was working 7 days a week and rarely home.My parents fought A LOT. I never grew up thinking my home was unsafe or abusive - we had a lot of money and lived in a wealthy neighborhood in a nice home. As an adult with a almost 5 year old and an 8 month old, I’m realizing I may be from an abusive background and am finding myself being abusive to my almost 5 year old.I was hit occasionally as a child, but more so I was verbally and emotionally abused and it caused me to develop a bit of an anger issue that I am now really seeing in myself.We have had a tough year with our 4 - almost 5 year old. Adjusting to a new baby in the family has been hard for him. I’m not sure if it’s the sleep deprivation, the hormone imbalance from breastfeeding, or what, but I’m finding myself spanking my child (something I have previously been very against). Tonight, I broke. My oldest son was throwing a temper tantrum and ended up throwing a hard plastic toy at the baby, hitting him hard in the head, and continued to throw things. I smacked his face out of pure reaction and rage and picked up the baby to see if he was ok.I’ve noticed myself becoming more and more unable to control the rage I’m experiencing when dealing with him. I feel like I’m forgetting to take a breath and take a step back.This wasn’t an issue for me before giving birth to our second son and I really feel like something is wrong.I am ashamed. I haven’t been able to stop crying for the last 3 hours. I am a horrible mother and need serious development skills over my emotions. I’m writing this in search of solutions in terms of types of therapy to seek out for myself, anger management(?), medication(?).I’ve been having a VERY rough time at home with my husband. He has a drinking problem and so many other issues. I am responsible for the majority of our bills as well as taking care of both our children. He almost never makes it home for dinner or bedtime.I feel like I’m breaking and becoming a bad person. I need help and suggestions. https://ift.tt/tUkicPS https://ift.tt/EIHeCjN
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