This weekend I tried shrooms for the first time via chocolate and took a 2g dose. I've done LSD and other substances before, and figured 2g wouldn't be too intense. I was with friends I've known for 10+ years and trust completely. I'm not on any meds.
I was wrong. I felt effects instantaneously after eating the chocolate, to the point where my friends thought I was kidding. Within 5 minutes I felt heavy and couldn't keep my eyes open, saw rainbows/closed-eye visuals, and had cold sweats. I changed the music to lofi beats, grabbed a blanket and curled up on the couch. 5 additional minutes later I was half unconscious, eyes rolled in the back of my head, feeling like I was going through an exorcism. The closed-eye visuals turned into rainbow puzzle pieces, became 3d and started breaking down. Because I couldn't open my eyes, it felt like my reality was literally cracking before my eyes. I could still hear my friends who hadn't felt anything yet, saying "wow she's really tripping already."
I was writhing around and giggling every now and then so I must have looked like I was okay/having a good time. I was also able to nod every now and then when they asked. In reality that one comment about me tripping turned into non-stop auditory hallucinations of my friends commenting on how I looked, scrutinizing me, and saying negative comments over and over. Every time I heard a voice, a door, ANY sound, my face and hands would twitch involuntarily.
After two hours I was able to stand up and open my eyes for periods of 3 seconds at a time. But then I was launched into a disturbing scenario where my friends were shadows in my periphery vision, and they were controlling the my current life in every way, so much so that it felt like a simulation - they were orchestrating every sound, light, and object in order to "keep me" on this life path. I had auditory hallucinations of constant whispering, sighing, moaning, doors opening and closing. I saw a plaque that said "take the scenic route," and to me that meant I could enjoy positive things in life, like music, but it was futile because my life purpose was already set, and I was being kept in the simulation and on this path no matter what.
That life path's ending was not good. I started realizing that my entire life purpose was to be nudged on my inevitable path until finally, I would be brutally raped/sexually assaulted by everyone. Either BY one of my male friends, or that they were conspiring with each other to make sure it would happen, no matter how long I tried to delay it. And that they were waiting for their turn. The images and sounds were so disturbing and only got louder every time I felt sleepy again because it felt like if I fell asleep, I would be in that vulnerable state they were trying to induce. I continued to hear sighing, moaning, zippers unzipping, and doors. I could barely keep my eyes open for the entire trip, even while dancing around to the music.
I did experience moments of complete pleasure and bliss, too, which were incredible, and I wish the rest of the trip didn't go as it did. Sadly the good moments felt like they were just temporary rewards, too, like the only way to feel the bliss was to grin and bear my pre-set life of being sacrificed/lain down gently to get raped.
I have no history of past sexual abuse (that I know of or remember). I have a therapist and have never been diagnosed with anything. The ONLY thing is I have a slight hormone imbalance and a crazy fast metabolism. None of my friends had experiences that even come close to what happened to me on that 2g trip.
PLEASE remember that no matter how much you prepare, it clearly affects everyone differently. You can always start lower. I'm so sorry to anyone who's had a similar experience, and I'm working through it in therapy. Love you all, stay safe out there <3
This weekend I tried shrooms for the first time via chocolate and took a 2g dose. I've done LSD and other substances before, and figured 2g wouldn't be too intense. I was with friends I've known for 10+ years and trust completely. I'm not on any meds.I was wrong. I felt effects instantaneously after eating the chocolate, to the point where my friends thought I was kidding. Within 5 minutes I felt heavy and couldn't keep my eyes open, saw rainbows/closed-eye visuals, and had cold sweats. I changed the music to lofi beats, grabbed a blanket and curled up on the couch. 5 additional minutes later I was half unconscious, eyes rolled in the back of my head, feeling like I was going through an exorcism. The closed-eye visuals turned into rainbow puzzle pieces, became 3d and started breaking down. Because I couldn't open my eyes, it felt like my reality was literally cracking before my eyes. I could still hear my friends who hadn't felt anything yet, saying "wow she's really tripping already."I was writhing around and giggling every now and then so I must have looked like I was okay/having a good time. I was also able to nod every now and then when they asked. In reality that one comment about me tripping turned into non-stop auditory hallucinations of my friends commenting on how I looked, scrutinizing me, and saying negative comments over and over. Every time I heard a voice, a door, ANY sound, my face and hands would twitch involuntarily.After two hours I was able to stand up and open my eyes for periods of 3 seconds at a time. But then I was launched into a disturbing scenario where my friends were shadows in my periphery vision, and they were controlling the my current life in every way, so much so that it felt like a simulation - they were orchestrating every sound, light, and object in order to "keep me" on this life path. I had auditory hallucinations of constant whispering, sighing, moaning, doors opening and closing. I saw a plaque that said "take the scenic route," and to me that meant I could enjoy positive things in life, like music, but it was futile because my life purpose was already set, and I was being kept in the simulation and on this path no matter what.That life path's ending was not good. I started realizing that my entire life purpose was to be nudged on my inevitable path until finally, I would be brutally raped/sexually assaulted by everyone. Either BY one of my male friends, or that they were conspiring with each other to make sure it would happen, no matter how long I tried to delay it. And that they were waiting for their turn. The images and sounds were so disturbing and only got louder every time I felt sleepy again because it felt like if I fell asleep, I would be in that vulnerable state they were trying to induce. I continued to hear sighing, moaning, zippers unzipping, and doors. I could barely keep my eyes open for the entire trip, even while dancing around to the music.I did experience moments of complete pleasure and bliss, too, which were incredible, and I wish the rest of the trip didn't go as it did. Sadly the good moments felt like they were just temporary rewards, too, like the only way to feel the bliss was to grin and bear my pre-set life of being sacrificed/lain down gently to get raped.I have no history of past sexual abuse (that I know of or remember). I have a therapist and have never been diagnosed with anything. The ONLY thing is I have a slight hormone imbalance and a crazy fast metabolism. None of my friends had experiences that even come close to what happened to me on that 2g trip.PLEASE remember that no matter how much you prepare, it clearly affects everyone differently. You can always start lower. I'm so sorry to anyone who's had a similar experience, and I'm working through it in therapy. Love you all, stay safe out there <3 https://ifttt.com/images/no_image_card.png https://www.reddit.com/r/shrooms/comments/11duyit/safety_reminder_bad_trip_on_2g_first_time_sa/?utm_source=ifttt
Comments
Post a Comment