I (19f) recently started to live with my bf (22m). We've known each other for many years but only got together half a year ago.
The first thing i want to say is that i love and appreciate this guy with my whole heart and have always seen him as the one for me. The important thing to note here is that he has scoliosis, which makes his daily life a constant effort, because every activity puts pressure on his spine and brings him immense pain. I've always acknowledged that and tried to help him in my own little ways by taking care of things for us around the house, food, etc., so that he can have enough energy to go through the day.
A while ago, we went back to my hometown, which was a 10h drive. I knew it was very exhausting for him because it's bad for his back to stay seated that long, but he didn't want to leave me alone on such a long trip, and i was and am immensely grateful for him being there with me. It was the first time he met my family, and this is where it got rough. My parents are divorced, my mom has bipolar disorder, and she can sometimes have a manic episode due to stress. When we met her, she didn't seem fine and gave signs of not being lucid, so i began to worry. I told him that I'll stay as long as needed for her to get better (we were supposed to stay there for a week). He got mad at me for saying this because he thought i put him on "second place" by staying far away from him again (we had a ldr before), after he had made a sacrifice by going all the way there for me. He said he doesn't want a ldr again, that he'll meet other girls, that he'll "have fun" so he can feel like a man. He really hurt me then, but eventually we talked it out and we were fine, but I couldn't stop thinking about his words.
Yesterday evening, we worked out together and were supposed to watch a movie. We had a little time left to prepare for the movie, but I said that I still wanted to make pancakes for us because I had been thinking about them all day. He said in a rude tone that he's not gonna wash the dishes after me. I usually bake often and I admit that I do use many dishes, but i always wash them myself+the dishes that we use for our meals. I got annoyed by his comment because I never ask him to do the dishes, and he usually says stuff like that when it's not necessary.
So i asked him to do the few leftover dishes that were in the sink, since we both used them. I knew he was tired, but I couldn't help saying that because I felt it was an inconsiderate remark. I offered to do them anyway, but he "wanted to prove me it's not hard". Again, he got mad at me for making him do that, saying that I don't care about his problem and he should wash the dishes when he's in the mood and has enough energy. I said that of course i understood that, and that's why i offered to wash them anyway, but things flared up. He began to say that I always whine about everything, that i'm a "crybaby" and this is everything i'm ever gonna be, reminding me that I couldn't even do my workout without complaining. I did "complain" during my workout because there were things i didn't understand at first and some weights were too heavy for me, but I kept pushing and went till the end. I do cry easily, but that happens when I feel hurt during an argument, so hearing all those things about me made me feel invalidated. We calmed down in the end and went to sleep.
This morning, I called a friend I haven't talked to in a very long time, since I promised her I would hit her up. I don't usually stay on the phone, so I thought it would be fine, we had a 1.5h long call. He went to drink his coffee, and this time he made breakfast, but I didn't go to eat together because 1. The night before, he said he could make breakfast himself, so i thought he wanted space for himself and 2. I didn't want to interrupt my friend because she was talking about something important. After i finished, he got upset with me because i didnt have breakfast with him, but i assumed that if he wanted to eat together, he would call me to eat as i always do. But he considered i was thoughtless and i didn't care about his gesture. That's when he said he wanted to break up with me, because he got bored with me and I "don't even like him anymore". He said that I don't like him anymore because the last 2 times when he initiated sex, I couldn't get wet. I have PCOS, and my hormone imbalance affects the way my body reacts, sometimes I just can't get wet even if i'm turned on. I tried to explain this to him, but he said those were excuses. On the other hand, his past words about other girls changed the way i viewed our intimacy, and maybe this also stopped me, so I confessed this to him. He said that he cannot see me the same way either because I look at other guys, and i'm ever unsatisfied in the future, i will surely go somewhere else to seek things. For context, he accused me a few times that I looked at other guys, simply because I glanced over at some people on the street while we were in the car. I could never look at someone else, and I swear by it, I was just looking outside like i normally would, I had no intention to checking out random dudes from the street. But he insisted that I show interest in other guys and that he cannot trust me, since he has never laid eyes on other girls since we are together, but "I always do". He also highlighted how he always made so many sacrificies for me and I didn't even do half, because I never think about him the way he thinks about me.
I feel like he got me wrong on many aspects, and his mistrust in me isn't fair, because I know myself and I know I would never look at anyone else or cheat. He had made many efforts and sacrifices for me that i am eternally grateful for I always made sure to thank him for everything and pay him back however I could. But I also feel like he only loved the functional parts of me, because when I'm vulnerable in front of him I always feel weak and unworthy of his affection.
I know I might have been too insensitive towards his needs, and I regret that, but I always took a step back, apologized for my mistakes, and tried my best to communicate when something bothered me. It's very hard for me to accept us breaking up, I feel very scared. I have nowhere to go, and I'm afraid to live without him, I don't want to lose him. I really need another perspective on this, because I am really confused. What did I do wrong? Did I overreact? Can I fix this or should I accept his decision and move on?
PS: please do not repost this.
I (19f) recently started to live with my bf (22m). We've known each other for many years but only got together half a year ago.The first thing i want to say is that i love and appreciate this guy with my whole heart and have always seen him as the one for me. The important thing to note here is that he has scoliosis, which makes his daily life a constant effort, because every activity puts pressure on his spine and brings him immense pain. I've always acknowledged that and tried to help him in my own little ways by taking care of things for us around the house, food, etc., so that he can have enough energy to go through the day.A while ago, we went back to my hometown, which was a 10h drive. I knew it was very exhausting for him because it's bad for his back to stay seated that long, but he didn't want to leave me alone on such a long trip, and i was and am immensely grateful for him being there with me. It was the first time he met my family, and this is where it got rough. My parents are divorced, my mom has bipolar disorder, and she can sometimes have a manic episode due to stress. When we met her, she didn't seem fine and gave signs of not being lucid, so i began to worry. I told him that I'll stay as long as needed for her to get better (we were supposed to stay there for a week). He got mad at me for saying this because he thought i put him on "second place" by staying far away from him again (we had a ldr before), after he had made a sacrifice by going all the way there for me. He said he doesn't want a ldr again, that he'll meet other girls, that he'll "have fun" so he can feel like a man. He really hurt me then, but eventually we talked it out and we were fine, but I couldn't stop thinking about his words.Yesterday evening, we worked out together and were supposed to watch a movie. We had a little time left to prepare for the movie, but I said that I still wanted to make pancakes for us because I had been thinking about them all day. He said in a rude tone that he's not gonna wash the dishes after me. I usually bake often and I admit that I do use many dishes, but i always wash them myself+the dishes that we use for our meals. I got annoyed by his comment because I never ask him to do the dishes, and he usually says stuff like that when it's not necessary.So i asked him to do the few leftover dishes that were in the sink, since we both used them. I knew he was tired, but I couldn't help saying that because I felt it was an inconsiderate remark. I offered to do them anyway, but he "wanted to prove me it's not hard". Again, he got mad at me for making him do that, saying that I don't care about his problem and he should wash the dishes when he's in the mood and has enough energy. I said that of course i understood that, and that's why i offered to wash them anyway, but things flared up. He began to say that I always whine about everything, that i'm a "crybaby" and this is everything i'm ever gonna be, reminding me that I couldn't even do my workout without complaining. I did "complain" during my workout because there were things i didn't understand at first and some weights were too heavy for me, but I kept pushing and went till the end. I do cry easily, but that happens when I feel hurt during an argument, so hearing all those things about me made me feel invalidated. We calmed down in the end and went to sleep.This morning, I called a friend I haven't talked to in a very long time, since I promised her I would hit her up. I don't usually stay on the phone, so I thought it would be fine, we had a 1.5h long call. He went to drink his coffee, and this time he made breakfast, but I didn't go to eat together because 1. The night before, he said he could make breakfast himself, so i thought he wanted space for himself and 2. I didn't want to interrupt my friend because she was talking about something important. After i finished, he got upset with me because i didnt have breakfast with him, but i assumed that if he wanted to eat together, he would call me to eat as i always do. But he considered i was thoughtless and i didn't care about his gesture. That's when he said he wanted to break up with me, because he got bored with me and I "don't even like him anymore". He said that I don't like him anymore because the last 2 times when he initiated sex, I couldn't get wet. I have PCOS, and my hormone imbalance affects the way my body reacts, sometimes I just can't get wet even if i'm turned on. I tried to explain this to him, but he said those were excuses. On the other hand, his past words about other girls changed the way i viewed our intimacy, and maybe this also stopped me, so I confessed this to him. He said that he cannot see me the same way either because I look at other guys, and i'm ever unsatisfied in the future, i will surely go somewhere else to seek things. For context, he accused me a few times that I looked at other guys, simply because I glanced over at some people on the street while we were in the car. I could never look at someone else, and I swear by it, I was just looking outside like i normally would, I had no intention to checking out random dudes from the street. But he insisted that I show interest in other guys and that he cannot trust me, since he has never laid eyes on other girls since we are together, but "I always do". He also highlighted how he always made so many sacrificies for me and I didn't even do half, because I never think about him the way he thinks about me.I feel like he got me wrong on many aspects, and his mistrust in me isn't fair, because I know myself and I know I would never look at anyone else or cheat. He had made many efforts and sacrifices for me that i am eternally grateful for I always made sure to thank him for everything and pay him back however I could. But I also feel like he only loved the functional parts of me, because when I'm vulnerable in front of him I always feel weak and unworthy of his affection.I know I might have been too insensitive towards his needs, and I regret that, but I always took a step back, apologized for my mistakes, and tried my best to communicate when something bothered me. It's very hard for me to accept us breaking up, I feel very scared. I have nowhere to go, and I'm afraid to live without him, I don't want to lose him. I really need another perspective on this, because I am really confused. What did I do wrong? Did I overreact? Can I fix this or should I accept his decision and move on?PS: please do not repost this. https://ift.tt/zvfjwOU https://ift.tt/tOG3mKT
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