Hey! I have already written several notes/messages here, but I think this is going to be the most important of all, at least for now... And yes, it has to do with the matter of transitioning, of which I would like to ask you some of your opinions and advice in this regard in order to help me meditate on the next step in relation to this issue... I put you in a situation:
I am a 19-year-old genderfluid transgender person (AMAB) and am currently comfortable using the She/Her female pronouns. But how did I come to this conclusion about my identity? Basically in high school, especially during the quarantine (as many people must have been too), at which time I began to wonder and question myself about my identity and what I felt about myself. Btw I started to grow my hair long ^^
Later, during high school, I tried things little by little, like using eyeliner (not doing the cateye but as if I were a rocker or a goth guy), painting my nails black and such... but due to the large number of exams and also other things in ocurring in my life, I didn't have more time to really think about my gender identity, although there was an experience that was very important to me (even if it seems very "silly" or "ridiculous") with all this: I was in the playground of my highschool wearing a baggy jacket and baggy sweatpants and my back was to a classmate. I hadn't noticed him because I was talking with other friends of mine and he came up behind me and touched my back, so I turned around and he said: "Oh, sorry dude! I thought you were a girl." And yes, there I had a brutal gender euphoria running through my entire body xD
However, it was last year, when I started University, that I was able to begin to deal with this issue in much more depth (thanks in part to the fact that I was studying a degree/career that delved a lot into issues of gender identity, feminism, equality, intersectionality, etc.; everything was super cool and full of really cool people. I could wear tops, eyeliner and more without worrying about it <3) and take a very important step: tell my parents. I basically told them that my identity was dissident and that I consider myself a gender fluid person with a preference for being addressed with female She/Her pronouns (apart from telling them that I am also Bisexual xP), and the truth is that I could not have received a better welcome and support on their part, which I am very grateful for <3 (now the rest of the family is gradually missing, both on the mother's and father's side, and there are not just a few members apart from the grandparents.. There are many uncles, aunts and cousins... let's see how it goes little by little explaining things well :'D).
Even so, as always happens, it's not all super cool and happy, there are also bad things. Every day I suffer from some gender dysphoria when I look myself in the mirror (especially when I shower) and even more when I notice I have a lot of beard (I was unlucky enough to be born with a lot of facial hair xF) and, although it's been a year since I started to exercise to have better health and physical condition, and also to lose weight and thus achieve "smaller" proportions that make me look more feminine than masculine (although it would be rather androgynous, but well xP), I still have gender dysphoria and I feel dissatisfied with my body since it does not match my gender identity. In addition, I also wanted to add that I have followed several tips that you have left me in other posts that I published in the community related to the femininization of the body or certain parts of it (especially the face, buttocks and legs; also the ribcage but don't worry, I already realized that the bone structure at this point is no longer going to be able to change much xF)
So, with that said, and having given a bit more context (I didn't want to write you a bill either :') ), let's get to the topic at hand: transitioning through HRT.
As I've already said, despite having thought about it for months, the truth is that on several occasions this makes me insecure, nervous and, worst of all, scared. This is because, well, on the one hand it overwhelms me to think about the social consequences that this could cause in my life, be it in my family or in the face of work and such (I don't want to be attacked around there either...); and then because I've been learning about the effects that hormones have on the body, including being emotionally ill or more sensitive (I'm already quite sensitive without hormones, so maybe I don't notice it much), the loss of strength, a lot of fatigue, pain in the breasts (especially in the nipples that with any touch or such already hurts; I don't know if the pain is comparable to when they stick a needle in you, but come on, I hope it is not like a stab wound :'/ ) and also that I won't be able to have children (biologically) if I don't previously freeze my sperm (although the truth is that I honestly have no plans to have children, really). And after all this there is the issue of "What if there comes a time when I stop taking hormones because I want to detransition?" I have read that if I stop taking hormones, apart from the fact that the body returns to acquire more masculine characteristics due to the still latent testosterone in the body, there can be serious imbalances and other negative aspects (from what I remember reading, but don't make me a lot of case...).
Another thing that I would like to make clear in this regard is that hormone replacement therapy would be the only thing I would be willing to do, so I am not going to have surgery on my breasts or genitals. I'll take what's in my body ^^ And, even if I transitioned with hormones and used She/Her pronouns, I'm sure I'd still be gender fluid. Both my gender expression and my gender performativity are neither hyperfeminine nor hypermasculine, but rather they flow and change (I don't usually wear clothes that are clearly seen as one gender or another, but rather I go more neutral, although sometimes I like to lean towards both extremes depending on how I feel and how I look at the moment I am going to get dressed to go out with friends for a drink, to go to a party, to the movies, for a walk or whatever), so perhaps I would not be perceived as much as a girl or a boy, but more as someone androgynous who looks more like a girl on some days and a boy on other days. <3 (and regarding work, the truth is that I don't know, the issue of the changes in the ID Document is also complex; if there was a possibility that they would include other gender identities apart from "Male" and "Female" as gender fluid or non-binary that would be super cool. Maybe I'll still stick with "Male" since, as I mentioned before, my expression and gender performativity tend to go to neutral ground, so the subject of leaning both ways could be left for when I don't I'm working since I also have no problem with being treated with masculine pronouns... We'll see :) )
To recap, what I want you to tell me, if possible, is what do you think about my situation, what can I do to worry as little as possible about things like the effects of transitioning and what should I do according to you... It's what most concerns generates to me... :')
And well, this would be all I wanted to tell. I hope I didn't bore you or take up too much time! It wasn't my intention to write so much text, but little by little things have been working out for me and I think it is important to explain it in a safe space so that you can advise me and share opinions with more precision.
But, before I finish, I want to say that I am super grateful that there are such wonderful people in this Reddit community willing to answer me and give me advice and various opinions to me and to other people who also have doubts and concerns that they want to share or explain. You've helped me a lot! <3
EDIT:
When I'll be on HRT, will I be able to exercise regularly as I have done up to now (I do 8 kg weight lifting, stretching, squats, hip dips etc. and cardio mainly)?
PS: If there's anything you want to add, I'll post it when I can. Answer what you think is best or appropriate... or what you want! ^^ And also sorry if there are any misspellings or spelling errors! My English is not the best in the world, I'm still learning (I've used the translator a bit too xP)
Hey! I have already written several notes/messages here, but I think this is going to be the most important of all, at least for now... And yes, it has to do with the matter of transitioning, of which I would like to ask you some of your opinions and advice in this regard in order to help me meditate on the next step in relation to this issue... I put you in a situation:I am a 19-year-old genderfluid transgender person (AMAB) and am currently comfortable using the She/Her female pronouns. But how did I come to this conclusion about my identity? Basically in high school, especially during the quarantine (as many people must have been too), at which time I began to wonder and question myself about my identity and what I felt about myself. Btw I started to grow my hair long ^^Later, during high school, I tried things little by little, like using eyeliner (not doing the cateye but as if I were a rocker or a goth guy), painting my nails black and such... but due to the large number of exams and also other things in ocurring in my life, I didn't have more time to really think about my gender identity, although there was an experience that was very important to me (even if it seems very "silly" or "ridiculous") with all this: I was in the playground of my highschool wearing a baggy jacket and baggy sweatpants and my back was to a classmate. I hadn't noticed him because I was talking with other friends of mine and he came up behind me and touched my back, so I turned around and he said: "Oh, sorry dude! I thought you were a girl." And yes, there I had a brutal gender euphoria running through my entire body xDHowever, it was last year, when I started University, that I was able to begin to deal with this issue in much more depth (thanks in part to the fact that I was studying a degree/career that delved a lot into issues of gender identity, feminism, equality, intersectionality, etc.; everything was super cool and full of really cool people. I could wear tops, eyeliner and more without worrying about it <3) and take a very important step: tell my parents. I basically told them that my identity was dissident and that I consider myself a gender fluid person with a preference for being addressed with female She/Her pronouns (apart from telling them that I am also Bisexual xP), and the truth is that I could not have received a better welcome and support on their part, which I am very grateful for <3 (now the rest of the family is gradually missing, both on the mother's and father's side, and there are not just a few members apart from the grandparents.. There are many uncles, aunts and cousins... let's see how it goes little by little explaining things well :'D).Even so, as always happens, it's not all super cool and happy, there are also bad things. Every day I suffer from some gender dysphoria when I look myself in the mirror (especially when I shower) and even more when I notice I have a lot of beard (I was unlucky enough to be born with a lot of facial hair xF) and, although it's been a year since I started to exercise to have better health and physical condition, and also to lose weight and thus achieve "smaller" proportions that make me look more feminine than masculine (although it would be rather androgynous, but well xP), I still have gender dysphoria and I feel dissatisfied with my body since it does not match my gender identity. In addition, I also wanted to add that I have followed several tips that you have left me in other posts that I published in the community related to the femininization of the body or certain parts of it (especially the face, buttocks and legs; also the ribcage but don't worry, I already realized that the bone structure at this point is no longer going to be able to change much xF)So, with that said, and having given a bit more context (I didn't want to write you a bill either :') ), let's get to the topic at hand: transitioning through HRT.As I've already said, despite having thought about it for months, the truth is that on several occasions this makes me insecure, nervous and, worst of all, scared. This is because, well, on the one hand it overwhelms me to think about the social consequences that this could cause in my life, be it in my family or in the face of work and such (I don't want to be attacked around there either...); and then because I've been learning about the effects that hormones have on the body, including being emotionally ill or more sensitive (I'm already quite sensitive without hormones, so maybe I don't notice it much), the loss of strength, a lot of fatigue, pain in the breasts (especially in the nipples that with any touch or such already hurts; I don't know if the pain is comparable to when they stick a needle in you, but come on, I hope it is not like a stab wound :'/ ) and also that I won't be able to have children (biologically) if I don't previously freeze my sperm (although the truth is that I honestly have no plans to have children, really). And after all this there is the issue of "What if there comes a time when I stop taking hormones because I want to detransition?" I have read that if I stop taking hormones, apart from the fact that the body returns to acquire more masculine characteristics due to the still latent testosterone in the body, there can be serious imbalances and other negative aspects (from what I remember reading, but don't make me a lot of case...).Another thing that I would like to make clear in this regard is that hormone replacement therapy would be the only thing I would be willing to do, so I am not going to have surgery on my breasts or genitals. I'll take what's in my body ^^ And, even if I transitioned with hormones and used She/Her pronouns, I'm sure I'd still be gender fluid. Both my gender expression and my gender performativity are neither hyperfeminine nor hypermasculine, but rather they flow and change (I don't usually wear clothes that are clearly seen as one gender or another, but rather I go more neutral, although sometimes I like to lean towards both extremes depending on how I feel and how I look at the moment I am going to get dressed to go out with friends for a drink, to go to a party, to the movies, for a walk or whatever), so perhaps I would not be perceived as much as a girl or a boy, but more as someone androgynous who looks more like a girl on some days and a boy on other days. <3 (and regarding work, the truth is that I don't know, the issue of the changes in the ID Document is also complex; if there was a possibility that they would include other gender identities apart from "Male" and "Female" as gender fluid or non-binary that would be super cool. Maybe I'll still stick with "Male" since, as I mentioned before, my expression and gender performativity tend to go to neutral ground, so the subject of leaning both ways could be left for when I don't I'm working since I also have no problem with being treated with masculine pronouns... We'll see :) )To recap, what I want you to tell me, if possible, is what do you think about my situation, what can I do to worry as little as possible about things like the effects of transitioning and what should I do according to you... It's what most concerns generates to me... :')And well, this would be all I wanted to tell. I hope I didn't bore you or take up too much time! It wasn't my intention to write so much text, but little by little things have been working out for me and I think it is important to explain it in a safe space so that you can advise me and share opinions with more precision.But, before I finish, I want to say that I am super grateful that there are such wonderful people in this Reddit community willing to answer me and give me advice and various opinions to me and to other people who also have doubts and concerns that they want to share or explain. You've helped me a lot! <3EDIT:When I'll be on HRT, will I be able to exercise regularly as I have done up to now (I do 8 kg weight lifting, stretching, squats, hip dips etc. and cardio mainly)?PS: If there's anything you want to add, I'll post it when I can. Answer what you think is best or appropriate... or what you want! ^^ And also sorry if there are any misspellings or spelling errors! My English is not the best in the world, I'm still learning (I've used the translator a bit too xP) https://ifttt.com/images/no_image_card.png https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/15eu6j2/im_afraid_to_transition/?utm_source=ifttt
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